queenteree

Hi All,
As you all know, AH and I were taking things slow. He actually moved back in like two weeks ago so we can combine our finances and stuff, and I agreed cause he was sober almost 4 months. He knew when I let him move back that I was done with the whole "dance". One slip, outta here. I never let my guard down, and I'm still so thankful that I went thru what I went thru 5 mos. ago to get me to this point in my recovery.
Anyway, AH was supposed to go to his meeting tonite. I get a phone call, could tell right away that he was drunk. I hung up on him. He proceeded to call me many times and then came home. He said "I slipped" I told him "yes, and you had the choice of whether you slipped or not. When your active in your alcoholism, you don't have a choice, you need it. After 4 mos. you were sober when you made that choice. Not my problem, I'm done, leave". He tried for a second or two (before I cut him off) to say "well where am I gonna go?" I said "I got an idea, how about you call your buddies that you drank w/today and stay with them, cause you're not staying here, ever, I'm done". He was trying to stall for time. Told him to not make me do something that I don't want to do, not to call me at work, cell or home, I will call him to make arrangements for him to pick up his stuff". He tried to blame my sons for his relapse, cause they are unemployed right now. I just told him "if that makes you feel better". Then he said "I'm so sorry, I love you", and I said to him "I'm sorry too, and I love ME too. Leave" He has court on Friday, for his sake I hope he sobers up, but for now, it's not my problem. I'm waiting for my son to get home to take me to Lowes to change the locks so he can't come back in. See, to all of you out there, never let them catch you offguard, and always remember that relapse is a part of the disease. I made a decision after last time, I won't go thru this again, and I won't. Thanks to all of you here at SR for helping me become who I am today.

FormerDoormat

Well done, Teree. Well done.

Bernadette

That couldn't have been easy. But wow. I think you handled it GREAT!
(((((hugs))))) and prayers for your peace of mind--
B.

blessed4x

It looks to me like you handled it better than "pretty good"! Just wondering, (cause I wasn't here on a regular basis 5 months ago) if you could elaborate, or maybe point me to a thread that would explain. I have learned so much from others experiences.

Thank you for sharing, and sorry you had to go through it, but at least it's the LAST time! My favorite line....."and I love ME too". I'll have to keep that one in mind.

denny57

QT, I know how difficult it can be to follow through on a boundary. You sound resolute and determined.

As FD said, well done.

GiveLove

Hugs to you tonight, teree. Treat yourself extra-special-good...it takes a lot out of a person to enforce a boundary like that. I'm glad you love you too.

queenteree

My sons are home (age 25 and 30), AH is staying on the side of my house, sons told him they would take him to a motel (don't want him drinking and driving). It's their father (stepfather, but only father they ever knew), so I can understand their concern. AH said he would drive himself. I point blank went out there and told him if he didn't allow them to take him to a motel (didn't want him driving and killing a person/people) then I would call the police on him for loitering on my property and if he drove away, for drinking and driving. As far as I know, they are taking him somewhere. I had explained to them that I can't and won't do this anymore, and they understand (actually, funny, I told them whether they were in agreement w/me or not, this is how it's going and if they felt bad for him, and thought I was wrong, they can room w/him). That's the update.

bookwyrm

You are amazing. I want to be as strong as you!!! Its a horrible situation that you've handled extremely well, so impressive! Thank you for sharing.

cagefree

This jumped out at me too - Well done!

Freedom1990

Good for you! :ghug

sailorjohn

Pajarito

QT- good for you. You've come so far. ((()))

queenteree

He came home this morning, I was asleep, sons let him in to get his stuff. He proceeded to call them names, blame them for his relapse, etc. Thank God, sons did not "pick up that rope" so to speak. The only thing my younger son said was "if you were a person I respected, I'd be hurt, but all you are is a drunk" and let it go at that. I woke up, told AH he must leave or I will call the police. Told him do not call me, do not come here. I will pack up his stuff and have it delivered to him. I'm getting in the shower right now, then I am going to the bank to take out our money and put it in my account (to cover the bills). If he got to it first, so be it. I'll manage. I'll survive anyway.
But one thing I've been giving so much thought to, and if I help at least one person here today, I gotta say it. In my alcoholic relationship, before I got "healthy", I gave him much too much power. When in all reality, he needs me more than I need him. I'm the one working, maintaining the health insurance, etc. while allowing him to emotionally abuse me on a daily basis. Why, in the past did I think I deserved anything less than being treated with the love and respect I deserve? It was almost like he was the "great and powerful Oz", when in reality he was just the pathetic man behind the curtain. And I was the cowardly lion shaking in my shoes. And once I realized that, and took back my power and my life, things changed and miracles happened. Please, please take back YOUR power and watch how good things unfold.

Pajarito

This is the best reason for me to be here today. If you read my post about my big, fat relapse, you know I gave away my power to STBXAH over the weekend. My relapse showed me clearly I need to stop doing that. I love your analogy QT. Thanks. . .

lovtolaff

I too am sorry you had to go thru this. But hopefully like you said - this is the LAST time. The fear and knowing of a relapse is what kept me from letting xabf back into my life. I choose to NOT live with that worry - don't have to.

Best wishes to you and your sons.

blessed4x

I figured out to look up your old posts.......(((((queenteree)))))

denny57

It seems so foreign to me now; I can't imagine giving that power to anyone again. Because I have changed and the power is mine to keep.

Thanks so much for sharing, QT. It's been amazing watching your journey.

FormerDoormat

As Glenda, the good witch, said to Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, "I could have told you that, but you wouldn't have believed me. You had to learn it for yourself. Now click your heels together three times and repeat after me..."

There's no place like recovery, there's no place like recovery, there's no place like recovery.

queenteree

So true, FD, so true!

prodigal

QT, what a fantastic testimony to the power of your recovery! I'm sure it was difficult to do, but you did so without being roped in by the pathetic quacking of an A. His addiction. His consequences. ((((queenteree))))