nowinsituation

Finally!!! My STBXAH have reached a financial settlement agreement. I am satisfied with the compromise. I gave up a lot -- but buys me a new future and that is priceless. We have been stuck for so long; as he is totally financially illiterate. I left almost exactly one year ago; he knew he would need to at least learn how to pay his own bills. Yet, during that entire time has not made one single effort to start to learn it at all. Initially I agreed (at his lawyer's request) to continue to handle all of our finances -- at the time I was thinking a couple of months . . . . Anyway, with the agreement we can now have our hearing within a month or so. Then, it is over.

This was a huge black cloud that has been hanging over me. I tried and tried to think one day at a time; to not wonder and worry what was going to happen. I was never able to let it go. Now it is gone!

nowinsituation

I wanted to add one thing . . . the negotiations were conducted with all of us (he and I and our attorneys) together in one conference room -- this was I think our 3rd (or 4th) attempt at this. I really have no emotion toward him anymore, no love, no hate, OK a bit of anger. Mostly I am just amazed at how he is content to sit there and not recognize that he has choices.

He wants to stay in the house -- he doesn't want to get a job -- well folks, there is a choice to be made there. I could think of a bunch of ways he can stay in the house, and not get a job .... but I'm done doing his thinking for him. I am now focusing on me!

We laid out our final offer (that wouldn't involve selling the house) -- His lawyer had to do some talking to get him to accept it. This is not focusing on me but -- WTF is he thinking?? He wants to be a victim -- more power to the next person that comes along and tries to save him.

Ok, I'm done now!!

Jazzman

And I'm sure you're to blame for his current conundrum?

Sorry... couldn't help it. Well congrats on the progress, it's got to be a load off for sure.

daisies

I applaud you. keep it up as you are doing great.
I too have been dealing with my STBXAH for over a year. I filed for divorce one year ago. it has been hell but i must say it is all about baby steps.
keep thinking positive. I am giving him more of our assets and in the end it doesnt matter if he takes all of the investments. My happiness is more important. Keep at it and you will succeed. good luck.

bookwyrm

I'm still struggling to get to an agreement with my AH - mainly, I think, because he can't be bothered shifting his lazy behind to sort out his finances and agree on the division of the household goods. Its driving me nuts so I'm really glad to hear that someone else has been where I am and made it out the other side! Thanks!

Jadmack25

bookwyrm, can you make any moves towards sorting out your side of things and giving AH the ultimatum that you are ready to roll and if he doesn't get to it by whenever, you will just do what has to be done.

Over here, if your spouse/partner drags their heels, you can start doing what you need to and advise them you have your business sorted, and will proceed without them.
Just because they are stalling doesn't mean you are kept waiting.
Friend did just that and her xah was upset that he missed out on what he wanted, but Judge said "if you had wanted those things why did you not take the action necessary? Neither your wife or this court is going to be held up because of your deliberate procrastination."

See what you can do without him and good luck.

God bless and help both of you