Begging For Help! ANY1 PLZ!?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 7
Begging For Help! ANY1 PLZ!?
How's this for a summary: I'M PREGNANT WITH THE BABY OF THE PERSON I'D BEEN SEEING, ALSO FROM THE PROGRAM AND WITH SUBSTANTIALLY GREATER TIME THAN MYSELF, BUT HE'S DECIDED TO AVOID RUIN OF EITHER OF OUR PROGRAMS BY COMPLETELY BREAKING-AWAY FROM ME.
THE EXPLANATION...
Hey yall! Thanks for taking the time to hear me out. A little background info: I'm 22 years old, not a first-time winner, both parents with over two-decades (a piece) in the program and, although untrue in the past, I'm 100% hopeful and serious about my recovery this time IN the rooms, instead of AROUND them.
After hitting bottom, by mid-September, I moved from Seattle back to the Northeast with my Mother, to heal while I get my program working. I was raised by a single-father, so I've always naturally been more in-tune and drawn to men, overall. Mind you, I also modeled for a greater (drunken) part of this year, so I am on the more attractive side of the scale (gratefully so.) But, one guy out of the thirty, or so, young guys I spoke with daily (beside my female network and female sponsor), one of the guys and I gradually (although over an abrupt couple of days) moved into an intimate relationship, then a sexual relationship and finally an emotional relationship. From middle-end of September until Monday, October 27, 2008 (<<<the date when we were last sexually involved,) we engaged in unprotected (no condom, no birth control, no "pulling-out"... NOTHING for protection) sex a total of about 50-times, averaging two-times a day although we never hungout daily.
I mentioned to the guy I was seeing that I hadn't been feeling like myself lately and felt something wasn't right with me. That was Friday, October 24, 2008, when I first voiced my concern although we went on to be intimate another 5-6 times after I commented on it.
On Tuesday, October 28, 2008, while on his way to my house to hangout (as per usual,) the guy I'd been seeing told me that he was going to stop-off at another friend from the room's house because the friend has asked him to and needed to talk to him. The guy I was seeing assumed it was about our relationship and turned out that the other guy was asking how serious we were because he had interest in me, as well. The other guy spent two hours convincing the guy I'd been seeing (who wasn't keeping me sober, but was def helping, and was my person to just vent to and whose opinion I respected because I knew he had my best interest at hand) that I was trying to two-time them and that I wasn't good for the guy I was seeing or his recovery.
It wasn't until I knew something bad was happening and intruded on the two, that I was told that it would be best for the guy I was seeing and I to part ways. I assumed this meant to take a break or take a step back from our relationship, but the guy I was seeing explained to me, two days later, that he couldn't see or speak to me again for a few months and when we saw each other at meetings (3-4 times a week), that it would be best to just not approach or acknowledge one another. Um-we share the same network, to an extent except I've stepped back from them, as well, and let them be his support since I do have other networks.
Anyway, two days in bed and I finally go to the doctor on October 30, 2008 (still not feeling like myself) and they run blood, urine, throat cultures... everything. No infections or bacterias. Lower abdominal pain led me to an appointment with my OB/GYN (women's doctor, yall) on November 1, 2008 where I learned that I am about four-weeks pregnant.
In case you'e skipping around: I'M PREGNANT WITH THE BABY OF THE PERSON I'D BEEN SEEING, ALSO FROM THE PROGRAM AND WITH SUBSTANTIALLY GREATER TIME THAN MYSELF, BUT HE'S DECIDED TO AVOID RUIN OF EITHER OF OUR PROGRAMS BY COMPLETELY BREAKING-AWAY FROM ME.
Yes, I've text him to tell him and picture-messaged him the documentation but... he has not responded.
WHAT DO I DO!? I'm hurt, feel manipulated (which he has repeatedly expressed feeling guilt and having done wrong during and after our relationship because it could be seen as though he was 13th stepping me or using me), feel alone now bc he's not here, scared, afraid to say anything, lost because i'm alone in it and, for a "know-it-all" I'm STUMPED on this one.
ANY HELP IS MUCH APPRECIATED!
God is Good.
xoxox
THE EXPLANATION...
Hey yall! Thanks for taking the time to hear me out. A little background info: I'm 22 years old, not a first-time winner, both parents with over two-decades (a piece) in the program and, although untrue in the past, I'm 100% hopeful and serious about my recovery this time IN the rooms, instead of AROUND them.
After hitting bottom, by mid-September, I moved from Seattle back to the Northeast with my Mother, to heal while I get my program working. I was raised by a single-father, so I've always naturally been more in-tune and drawn to men, overall. Mind you, I also modeled for a greater (drunken) part of this year, so I am on the more attractive side of the scale (gratefully so.) But, one guy out of the thirty, or so, young guys I spoke with daily (beside my female network and female sponsor), one of the guys and I gradually (although over an abrupt couple of days) moved into an intimate relationship, then a sexual relationship and finally an emotional relationship. From middle-end of September until Monday, October 27, 2008 (<<<the date when we were last sexually involved,) we engaged in unprotected (no condom, no birth control, no "pulling-out"... NOTHING for protection) sex a total of about 50-times, averaging two-times a day although we never hungout daily.
I mentioned to the guy I was seeing that I hadn't been feeling like myself lately and felt something wasn't right with me. That was Friday, October 24, 2008, when I first voiced my concern although we went on to be intimate another 5-6 times after I commented on it.
On Tuesday, October 28, 2008, while on his way to my house to hangout (as per usual,) the guy I'd been seeing told me that he was going to stop-off at another friend from the room's house because the friend has asked him to and needed to talk to him. The guy I was seeing assumed it was about our relationship and turned out that the other guy was asking how serious we were because he had interest in me, as well. The other guy spent two hours convincing the guy I'd been seeing (who wasn't keeping me sober, but was def helping, and was my person to just vent to and whose opinion I respected because I knew he had my best interest at hand) that I was trying to two-time them and that I wasn't good for the guy I was seeing or his recovery.
It wasn't until I knew something bad was happening and intruded on the two, that I was told that it would be best for the guy I was seeing and I to part ways. I assumed this meant to take a break or take a step back from our relationship, but the guy I was seeing explained to me, two days later, that he couldn't see or speak to me again for a few months and when we saw each other at meetings (3-4 times a week), that it would be best to just not approach or acknowledge one another. Um-we share the same network, to an extent except I've stepped back from them, as well, and let them be his support since I do have other networks.
Anyway, two days in bed and I finally go to the doctor on October 30, 2008 (still not feeling like myself) and they run blood, urine, throat cultures... everything. No infections or bacterias. Lower abdominal pain led me to an appointment with my OB/GYN (women's doctor, yall) on November 1, 2008 where I learned that I am about four-weeks pregnant.
In case you'e skipping around: I'M PREGNANT WITH THE BABY OF THE PERSON I'D BEEN SEEING, ALSO FROM THE PROGRAM AND WITH SUBSTANTIALLY GREATER TIME THAN MYSELF, BUT HE'S DECIDED TO AVOID RUIN OF EITHER OF OUR PROGRAMS BY COMPLETELY BREAKING-AWAY FROM ME.
Yes, I've text him to tell him and picture-messaged him the documentation but... he has not responded.
WHAT DO I DO!? I'm hurt, feel manipulated (which he has repeatedly expressed feeling guilt and having done wrong during and after our relationship because it could be seen as though he was 13th stepping me or using me), feel alone now bc he's not here, scared, afraid to say anything, lost because i'm alone in it and, for a "know-it-all" I'm STUMPED on this one.
ANY HELP IS MUCH APPRECIATED!
God is Good.
xoxox
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
Wow... I am on my way to sleep but saw this thread and just wanted to give you a quick *hug*, I'm sorry you're going through such a very hard time. Do you have a sponsor? This sounds like a situation where f2f support would be super important.
Welcome to SR. I will check back in the morning. You're not alone!
Welcome to SR. I will check back in the morning. You're not alone!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to SR.
I hope you are feeling better today. Time to take control of your life. Did you get your obgyn to do tests for STD's (Sexually transmitted disease's). You may have put yourself at risk for more than a pregnancy. Good news is that most all STD's can be cured.
Are you willing to accept the fact that you did get used?
Reality bites. But the sooner you face your real circumstances the sooner you can make some decisions for YOUR future. You and this guy are in programs. You both are working on yourselves and should not be expected to recover someone else. Please don't put unrealistic expectations on the dude or yourself.
Remember, abortion is still your legal right in this country.
I hope you are feeling better today. Time to take control of your life. Did you get your obgyn to do tests for STD's (Sexually transmitted disease's). You may have put yourself at risk for more than a pregnancy. Good news is that most all STD's can be cured.
Are you willing to accept the fact that you did get used?
Reality bites. But the sooner you face your real circumstances the sooner you can make some decisions for YOUR future. You and this guy are in programs. You both are working on yourselves and should not be expected to recover someone else. Please don't put unrealistic expectations on the dude or yourself.
Remember, abortion is still your legal right in this country.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 281
Hugs to you! I wish there was more I could say to ease your pain and to comfort you. This is a wonderful place for support... so keep coming back and posting. We are hear to listen!
Hope today is better than the last... keep your head up!:ghug3
Hope today is better than the last... keep your head up!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 106
Your situation really does suck. I have a male friend who has been sober and in the program for a while, and he warned me what some of the guys would be like in AA. He told me that I would get hit on and 'preyed' upon. I'm in my thirties now, so the guys don't come running like they used to, but I'm also really careful about who I let in. I have a girlfriend who is gorgeous and wonderful, and she has loads of guys who hang out with her as 'friends'. When they ask her out and she declines, she gets hurt when they don't want to hang out and be friends with her anymore. I think that many women have the same naive notions towards men. It's not that men are bad, it's just that they are different from women. They have different agendas. Part of this is just plain physiological. Women have hormones that get secreted during sex that make us feel warm feelings toward our partners that we might not otherwise feel. Our brains are organized differently too.
It sucks that you not only lost the friendship of someone that you cared about, but that you're also pregnant and having to deal with it alone. You really need to evaluate your support system and where you're at in your recovery if you're going to have the child. If you think that you're stressed out now, having a child will be 100 times more stressful. It might be better that you found out what a coward this guy is now, than later on.
Good luck.
It sucks that you not only lost the friendship of someone that you cared about, but that you're also pregnant and having to deal with it alone. You really need to evaluate your support system and where you're at in your recovery if you're going to have the child. If you think that you're stressed out now, having a child will be 100 times more stressful. It might be better that you found out what a coward this guy is now, than later on.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Sorry for your loss of a friend, but to call him a "good" friend might be a bit of a stretch. I would concentrate on the baby growing inside you right now and make the decisions that you need to make. I pray you have lots of light enter your life right now. Hugs and best wishes for you and your baby.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Southwest PA USA
Posts: 339
I'm not sure if I've talked to you before, but I want to let you know that I'm praying for you. Being a man I can't even begin to understand what you may be feeling right now, but please keep in touch with us. The ladies here are a very supportive group, and I know they will help you.
My blessings to you!
BHJ
My blessings to you!
BHJ
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Bend, OR
Posts: 136
Not a lot of advice to offer on this one. Just stay focused on yourself and your body right now. There are far more important things happening with you and inside you right now. I know that is little consolation right now but it will get better. Fact....95% of relationships started under stressful environments (recovery being a big one) end in failure simply due to the fact both parties are generally not in a good place. I am sorry for your situation and wish you the very best. Good luck!
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