I need a friend (OT)
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
I need a friend (OT)
This has nothing to do with drugs or addiction. I really don't know where to turn to for advice or comfort, I just thought of you guys.
I'm alone again. Jerry went on a bipolar rampage about who my daughter was dating, even though she doesn't even live with us (me now), he said that my kids have been a constant drain on me and he can't watch it any more. Vicky's baby, Tony not being able to find a job, life things. He doesn't like the guy that Vicky is seeing, and he called her all kinds of nasty names, hurtful things about her baby and he expected me to feel that way. When I stood up to him and said I wouldn't listen to the name calling any more, he turned it on me.
It was a horrible horrible fight. I asked him to leave. I'm just so upset right now, I can't even call Vicky or my sister because the fight was about all of my family including them, I don't want them to ever know the things he said.
I keep making excuses for Jerry to myself, he's sick, it's just a bipolar episode, he really didn't mean what he said. But in my heart, I know that some part of him does feel those things.
I'm just heartbroken, again. Somebody please tell me it's going to be alright.
B
I'm alone again. Jerry went on a bipolar rampage about who my daughter was dating, even though she doesn't even live with us (me now), he said that my kids have been a constant drain on me and he can't watch it any more. Vicky's baby, Tony not being able to find a job, life things. He doesn't like the guy that Vicky is seeing, and he called her all kinds of nasty names, hurtful things about her baby and he expected me to feel that way. When I stood up to him and said I wouldn't listen to the name calling any more, he turned it on me.
It was a horrible horrible fight. I asked him to leave. I'm just so upset right now, I can't even call Vicky or my sister because the fight was about all of my family including them, I don't want them to ever know the things he said.
I keep making excuses for Jerry to myself, he's sick, it's just a bipolar episode, he really didn't mean what he said. But in my heart, I know that some part of him does feel those things.
I'm just heartbroken, again. Somebody please tell me it's going to be alright.
B
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
awww, (((Frankly))), I'm sorry you're going through this.
You did all the right things..didn't play into HIS bipolar rage, stood up for your daughter and made him leave.
Even when we know they don't mean the things they say, it still hurts.
It will be alright...you know how to take care of you and that's what's important.
Take some deep breaths, maybe a bubblebath or something that is just for you. You deserve it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
You did all the right things..didn't play into HIS bipolar rage, stood up for your daughter and made him leave.
Even when we know they don't mean the things they say, it still hurts.
It will be alright...you know how to take care of you and that's what's important.
Take some deep breaths, maybe a bubblebath or something that is just for you. You deserve it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
We've never had a fight like this, everything has been great, it just popped up out of the blue and I just don't understand.
I do know I've had enough abuse in my life that I can't allow it to ever happen again. It just really hurts.
I do know I've had enough abuse in my life that I can't allow it to ever happen again. It just really hurts.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Of course it will be all right, life never lets the bad days last forever.
Times like this I tend to gather my support around me, like you have done, and find it just helps to be with people who understand. We're walking with you, Frankly, sharing our light until you find yours again.
Times like this I tend to gather my support around me, like you have done, and find it just helps to be with people who understand. We're walking with you, Frankly, sharing our light until you find yours again.
AKA 'grewupinabarn'
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 471
frankly,
It is important is that YOU know that you did not deserve the insults.
And, it sounds like you are confident that you can return to a peaceful state (Yes, that is what I read in your words).
As much as his outburst was part of his illness, you have to separate yourself from the anger and from any responsibility for the outburst itself.
You will be OK. You have my prayers.
It is important is that YOU know that you did not deserve the insults.
And, it sounds like you are confident that you can return to a peaceful state (Yes, that is what I read in your words).
As much as his outburst was part of his illness, you have to separate yourself from the anger and from any responsibility for the outburst itself.
You will be OK. You have my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Sending some hugs your way. It sounds like he has a lot of resentments that he needs to work on. Maybe time apart will help him to see that you don't deserve to be treated like that. Good for you that you stood your ground. I am sure that you are doing the best that you can with all the stress around you. I agree to do something nice and relaxing for yourself. Hugs, Marle
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((Frankly)))
Hugs to you, my girl. He sounds like he has a few issues, but that doesn't make it YOUR issues, and you already know that.
It's all going to be okay.
When he comes back to Earth, he'll most likely be sorry for the things he said, too bad those words have to hurt us where it counts most, our heart.
Hugs and hugs....
Hugs to you, my girl. He sounds like he has a few issues, but that doesn't make it YOUR issues, and you already know that.
It's all going to be okay.
When he comes back to Earth, he'll most likely be sorry for the things he said, too bad those words have to hurt us where it counts most, our heart.
Hugs and hugs....
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
(((((((Frankly)))))) You aren't alone...we're here. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve to be treated this way...I'm glad you asked him to leave. I know you said you can't call yourdaughter or sister, because you don't want them to know what he said, but maybe you can just let them know you had a bad fight, you don't want to talk about the detail...you just need some support.
You are a strong woman and I know you will get throguh this. Please know my positive throughts and prayers are headed your way. Hugs
You are a strong woman and I know you will get throguh this. Please know my positive throughts and prayers are headed your way. Hugs
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
I've come so far in the last four years. I've stopped isolating myself, I can actually leave my home without having a panic attack. I've dealt with many of my issues of trusting people. I've come a long way.
When things were their worst for me, HP brought Jerry into my life. I think he knew I couldn't handle so much all at once. Now that I'm stronger, and have lots of tools on my belt, I think it is probably time for me to address the biggest problem of my life. My biggest fear. Being alone. It's an issue that goes so far back that I can't remember ever not having it. My worst nightmare is being alone and not being loved. I guess it is time that I face that. It is the reason that I put up with 45 years of abuse. I would endure anything not to have to face being alone. Heck, I even accepted that my husband had a prostitute on the side four years ago, and would have lived with that just to not be alone.
So I guess it is time. Today is the first day of my final demon. Learning to love myself, learning to be alone. I'm scared. I woke up this morning with that old panicked feeling. The desire to just crawl back in bed and hide.
But I'm stronger now, I can do this. I will do this. Face my fear.
Thank you Ann for your light, thank all of you for your love and your prayers.
((Greet)) Vicky will blame herself for this, she will feel like she is the cause, so until I have a handle on myself, I'd rather she not know anything. I would really love to have my grandbaby here right now but that would mean explaining to her why Jerry isn't here.
Can someone explain to me why words of kindness would make me cry. I'm a solid rock any other time, but when someone says something nice, I bawl like a baby and can't stop the tears.
B
When things were their worst for me, HP brought Jerry into my life. I think he knew I couldn't handle so much all at once. Now that I'm stronger, and have lots of tools on my belt, I think it is probably time for me to address the biggest problem of my life. My biggest fear. Being alone. It's an issue that goes so far back that I can't remember ever not having it. My worst nightmare is being alone and not being loved. I guess it is time that I face that. It is the reason that I put up with 45 years of abuse. I would endure anything not to have to face being alone. Heck, I even accepted that my husband had a prostitute on the side four years ago, and would have lived with that just to not be alone.
So I guess it is time. Today is the first day of my final demon. Learning to love myself, learning to be alone. I'm scared. I woke up this morning with that old panicked feeling. The desire to just crawl back in bed and hide.
But I'm stronger now, I can do this. I will do this. Face my fear.
Thank you Ann for your light, thank all of you for your love and your prayers.
((Greet)) Vicky will blame herself for this, she will feel like she is the cause, so until I have a handle on myself, I'd rather she not know anything. I would really love to have my grandbaby here right now but that would mean explaining to her why Jerry isn't here.
Can someone explain to me why words of kindness would make me cry. I'm a solid rock any other time, but when someone says something nice, I bawl like a baby and can't stop the tears.
B
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Frankly, I maintain that God's gifts often come strangely wrapped, and this seems to be one of those times.
Regardless of how you and Jerry end up, this has brought a gift of clarity to you of the one fear that stands in your way. Fear's a big bogeyman, yet I lived my entire life in fear before recovery.
I learned that the antidote to fear is faith and that knowledge has brought me a long way.
So just for today I am sharing my candle of faith with you, it's a pretty one that lets us walk places we can't even see. Blind faith is faith with even more trust attached, and it will take us to surprisingly lovely places.
I also brought us some hiking boots and foot cream....we gotta be prepared for the steep rugged part of the climb that gives us a wonderful view of the valley of life. No need for binoculars, it's all there laid out for us to see just fine...when we get there.
Hugs
Regardless of how you and Jerry end up, this has brought a gift of clarity to you of the one fear that stands in your way. Fear's a big bogeyman, yet I lived my entire life in fear before recovery.
I learned that the antidote to fear is faith and that knowledge has brought me a long way.
So just for today I am sharing my candle of faith with you, it's a pretty one that lets us walk places we can't even see. Blind faith is faith with even more trust attached, and it will take us to surprisingly lovely places.
I also brought us some hiking boots and foot cream....we gotta be prepared for the steep rugged part of the climb that gives us a wonderful view of the valley of life. No need for binoculars, it's all there laid out for us to see just fine...when we get there.
Hugs
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
Strangly enough Ann, in the beginning of my journey here, you spoke of blind faith, it is something I will never forget my entire life, it helped me to hang on just one more day, and then another.
This time, I feel it. I feel this as a gift. I feel a purpose for the path that I know I have to take. I'm no good in any relationship until I'm good in the relationship with myself.
I questioned blind faith in the beginning, I now have both hands, arms, legs and feet wrapped around it, I think I'm ready for where it takes me.
Thank you
B
This time, I feel it. I feel this as a gift. I feel a purpose for the path that I know I have to take. I'm no good in any relationship until I'm good in the relationship with myself.
I questioned blind faith in the beginning, I now have both hands, arms, legs and feet wrapped around it, I think I'm ready for where it takes me.
Thank you
B
AKA 'grewupinabarn'
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 471
Originally Posted by frankly 
I think it is probably time for me to address the biggest problem of my life. My biggest fear. Being alone. It's an issue that goes so far back that I can't remember ever not having it. My worst nightmare is being alone and not being loved. B
It is great that you have awareness of this fear. Acknowledging a fear it is a REALLY BIG HUGE step, and perceiving it as it rises and falls out of awareness helps us to 'talk back to it'. Way - to - go!
How you talk back to it is up to you. In buddhism one shows compassion to all thoughts, sort of showing love to a demon, as one's fears are just your personal taste of the fears that many have. In some therapies you contradict the fear.
I have live with fear of people for most of my life too, and only this year have I really seen it as something distinct and identifiable. I thank my stressful job and the lovely mountain peaks for bringing this fear to light.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Frankly)))
I totally understand about the blind faith. At first it was scary...just waiting to see what HP was going to do. After a few times, though, we realize that things ALWAYS worked out the way they were supposed to.
I can imagine it's scary, right now, with thinking of being alone, but you won't ever be alone. You may not have a man in your life, but you have a family that loves you and lots of friends here. We may not be there, physically, but you are certainly surrounded by hugs, prayers, and good thoughts.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I totally understand about the blind faith. At first it was scary...just waiting to see what HP was going to do. After a few times, though, we realize that things ALWAYS worked out the way they were supposed to.
I can imagine it's scary, right now, with thinking of being alone, but you won't ever be alone. You may not have a man in your life, but you have a family that loves you and lots of friends here. We may not be there, physically, but you are certainly surrounded by hugs, prayers, and good thoughts.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Fulldresser4
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Mid-Michigan
Posts: 531
Frankly....:ghug2:praying
I am an alcoholic in recovery and I was looking through the new posts and yours caught my eye. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone...it is very clear to me that there are lots of people who love and care about you here on SR.
P.S. What a darling baby!
I heard a guy in a meeting the other day talking about shipwrecks. It really struck me because I love lighthouses and have them all over my living room. I related it to how many times in my life I have shipwrecked myself, yet my HP (God) has always kept the light on in the lighthouse. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it has helped me alot.
I, too, am scared of being alone. I was laid off a few months ago, our home is in foreclosure, and my husband is having an affair and wants a divorce. He is gone to her house most nights of the week. But you know what? I am very slowly coming to terms with being alone. I don't think I have ever been alone in my entire life for more than a few months. Scary? You bet. But I know now that no matter what happens, I have my HP and I will never truly be alone. I also know now that if I do need help, I have to pick up the phone and call someone in AA, or my church, or go to a meeting, or come to SR...and I will find the love and encouragement just one day (or one hour, or one moment) at a time. I don't know if this made any sense to you at all, but I will keep you in my prayers.
I am an alcoholic in recovery and I was looking through the new posts and yours caught my eye. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone...it is very clear to me that there are lots of people who love and care about you here on SR.
P.S. What a darling baby!
I heard a guy in a meeting the other day talking about shipwrecks. It really struck me because I love lighthouses and have them all over my living room. I related it to how many times in my life I have shipwrecked myself, yet my HP (God) has always kept the light on in the lighthouse. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it has helped me alot.
I, too, am scared of being alone. I was laid off a few months ago, our home is in foreclosure, and my husband is having an affair and wants a divorce. He is gone to her house most nights of the week. But you know what? I am very slowly coming to terms with being alone. I don't think I have ever been alone in my entire life for more than a few months. Scary? You bet. But I know now that no matter what happens, I have my HP and I will never truly be alone. I also know now that if I do need help, I have to pick up the phone and call someone in AA, or my church, or go to a meeting, or come to SR...and I will find the love and encouragement just one day (or one hour, or one moment) at a time. I don't know if this made any sense to you at all, but I will keep you in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Cloud 9
Posts: 778
(((Frankly))) I am so sorry for what your going through, but glad to see you have had enough. Time for a fresh start. Just think, things can be however you want. You want a quite night, just curl up on the couch w a book. You want a night w the gals, invite some over for coffee. Feeling craftly, start a project & don't clean it up till your done. Leave it on the table. Who cares. You will never be alone, you have all of us. Sending prayers, stregnth, hugs & some laughter your way.
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