Sickness and Health
Yield beautiful changes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,695
Sickness and Health
AH and I had planned to take DS trick-or-treating last night. You know, go out to dinner, watch scary movies, all that fun stuff.
But AH called at 5:30pm to say that he was too sick to go. Horrible abdominal pain, nausea, fever.
Anyway - he's sick as a dog.
Alcohol-induced acute pancreatitis, it turns out. Most likely not life-threatening, but definitely no fun.
I'm having a difficult time being compassionate. I know that he didn't mean to get sick - it wasn't his intention - but it was a direct result of his self-destructive behaviors. I'm vacillating between anger (my son was disappointed that Dad wasn't there for the Halloween fun) and pity (it really does seem painful!). It's also tough, because I end up having to do all of the parenting this weekend, and I have a TON of studying to do.
Urgh.
Part of me wants to rush to his side, rub his back, and bring him his medicine.
The other part of me wants to smother him with a pillow.
But I'm not going to do either of those things. I'm going to eat pizza and watch the football game with my son.
Prayers are appreciated.
Thanks.
-TC
But AH called at 5:30pm to say that he was too sick to go. Horrible abdominal pain, nausea, fever.
Anyway - he's sick as a dog.
Alcohol-induced acute pancreatitis, it turns out. Most likely not life-threatening, but definitely no fun.
I'm having a difficult time being compassionate. I know that he didn't mean to get sick - it wasn't his intention - but it was a direct result of his self-destructive behaviors. I'm vacillating between anger (my son was disappointed that Dad wasn't there for the Halloween fun) and pity (it really does seem painful!). It's also tough, because I end up having to do all of the parenting this weekend, and I have a TON of studying to do.
Urgh.
Part of me wants to rush to his side, rub his back, and bring him his medicine.
The other part of me wants to smother him with a pillow.
But I'm not going to do either of those things. I'm going to eat pizza and watch the football game with my son.
Prayers are appreciated.
Thanks.
-TC
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Prayers for you and your son, TC. Medicine for him and hopes he'll find a way to stop destroying himself....his choice, his road.
I've had pancreatitis (not alcohol induced!) and while it really stunk, it wasn't the worst thing I'd been through.
Hugs,
GL
I've had pancreatitis (not alcohol induced!) and while it really stunk, it wasn't the worst thing I'd been through.
Hugs,
GL
take care of the most important thing YOU and your SON!AKA 'grewupinabarn'
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 471
TC,
You have done quite a lot, for you, your son, and AH.
It seems you showed him compassion for his sickness, that you care that he still lives, and that you hope he gets well to (hopefully) have a future outing with his son. You have set some good boundaries and are sticking to them.
Yes, you could have run to his side, but you stayed with your son and had a good evening (did favored team win?) to make up for AH's absence. Both of them have been cared for, and you had a nice evening. Consider that if you went to him there may have been an unfortunate discussion about his addiction. You didn't need that. You were decisive and chose the best route.
It is never easy dealing with an alcoholic - husband, wife, bf, gf, mother, father - so decisions are always balances of the good and bad, and usually have lingering regrets and anger.
If he continues to drink that is his choice. He knows his son wants him around, and both healthy and sober.
You have done quite a lot, for you, your son, and AH.
It seems you showed him compassion for his sickness, that you care that he still lives, and that you hope he gets well to (hopefully) have a future outing with his son. You have set some good boundaries and are sticking to them.
Yes, you could have run to his side, but you stayed with your son and had a good evening (did favored team win?) to make up for AH's absence. Both of them have been cared for, and you had a nice evening. Consider that if you went to him there may have been an unfortunate discussion about his addiction. You didn't need that. You were decisive and chose the best route.
It is never easy dealing with an alcoholic - husband, wife, bf, gf, mother, father - so decisions are always balances of the good and bad, and usually have lingering regrets and anger.
If he continues to drink that is his choice. He knows his son wants him around, and both healthy and sober.
Yield beautiful changes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,695
Originally Posted by herewego 
you thought your choices through and then took care of and enjoyed yourself....
You are lovingly detached.
You are lovingly detached.
Just so everyone knows - I spent about 30 minutes venting on the phone to my friend. And I set my alarm clock and just bawled for 15 minutes. Full on sobbing.
The pancreatitis aspect of it isn't what makes me so upset - it's how seeing him vulnerable pushes ALL my codie buttons and puts me in a mindset that I am trying to leave behind.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
"seeing him vulnerable pushes ALL my codie buttons and puts me in a mindset that I am trying to leave behind."
Oh don't those buttons have a hair trigger? At the first hint of "I need help", my
my mind was like a fireman, jumping into my rescue gear and sliding down the pole. After a thousand rescues my butt was sore from hitting the ground and I was sick of being the rescue service. Now I am there for my abf when he is ill or whatever IF HE IS SOBER. So far he is and that is down to him, because I have kept my hands off this time - dear Lord that was so hard.
You are doing what you feel necessary for not only yourself and your son, but also your ah, and I think you were so right.
Hope you both had a spooky Halloween.
God bless
Oh don't those buttons have a hair trigger? At the first hint of "I need help", my
my mind was like a fireman, jumping into my rescue gear and sliding down the pole. After a thousand rescues my butt was sore from hitting the ground and I was sick of being the rescue service. Now I am there for my abf when he is ill or whatever IF HE IS SOBER. So far he is and that is down to him, because I have kept my hands off this time - dear Lord that was so hard.
You are doing what you feel necessary for not only yourself and your son, but also your ah, and I think you were so right.
Hope you both had a spooky Halloween.
God bless
Yield beautiful changes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,695
Well, our team did win the football game, and DS and I had a nice evening.
We had pizza and cheered hard.
AH, on the other hand, just keeps getting worse and worse.
He's off to the E.R. now - his temperature shot up to 105 in spite of 36 hours worth of antibiotics.
I am a little fearful that permanent organ damage is occurring. I just finished studying the drug therapy for acute pancreatitis, as well as the lasting consequences in patients who continue to consume alcohol - Type I Diabetes in pancreatic failure, necessity of lifelong digestive enzyme replacement, etc... Scary stuff.
I'm trying not to buy trouble - I've got enough on my plate without creating a catastrophe out of this situation. Still, it is HARD to keep my hands off this stuff, to keep from lecturing and advising him out the wazoo.
I'm chewing gum to keep from running my mouth!
Thanks for the good vibes and prayers. My fear is overwhelmed by confidence that all will work out as it should.
-TC
We had pizza and cheered hard.
AH, on the other hand, just keeps getting worse and worse.
He's off to the E.R. now - his temperature shot up to 105 in spite of 36 hours worth of antibiotics.
I am a little fearful that permanent organ damage is occurring. I just finished studying the drug therapy for acute pancreatitis, as well as the lasting consequences in patients who continue to consume alcohol - Type I Diabetes in pancreatic failure, necessity of lifelong digestive enzyme replacement, etc... Scary stuff.
I'm trying not to buy trouble - I've got enough on my plate without creating a catastrophe out of this situation. Still, it is HARD to keep my hands off this stuff, to keep from lecturing and advising him out the wazoo.
I'm chewing gum to keep from running my mouth!
Thanks for the good vibes and prayers. My fear is overwhelmed by confidence that all will work out as it should.
-TC
Yield beautiful changes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,695
Turns out my AH managed to drink his way into appendicitis.
He had emergency surgery early Monday morning, and he is now back at his house, whiny as all hell, but healing.
He keeps calling to ask me "medical" questions, but the conversations have been taking a turn for the worse
(in case you're wondering, he thinks I'm not being supportive enough and he doesn't like my passive aggressiveness).
I found myself really feeling down after managing the calls, so I've decided to just let them go to voicemail!
If he's got an emergency he can call 911 - they can get there faster than me, anyhow!
I have a super busy week, but so far I've been managing just fine. I even got an A on a very difficult exam today!
Thanks for all your support.
-TC
He had emergency surgery early Monday morning, and he is now back at his house, whiny as all hell, but healing.
He keeps calling to ask me "medical" questions, but the conversations have been taking a turn for the worse
(in case you're wondering, he thinks I'm not being supportive enough and he doesn't like my passive aggressiveness).
I found myself really feeling down after managing the calls, so I've decided to just let them go to voicemail!
If he's got an emergency he can call 911 - they can get there faster than me, anyhow!
I have a super busy week, but so far I've been managing just fine. I even got an A on a very difficult exam today!
Thanks for all your support.
-TC
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Something I have finally learnt is that no matter how much I did for abf, how often I ran around like a demented chook, and even if I was totally exhausted after nursing him thru withdrawal, IT WAS NEVER ENOUGH.
5 weeks ago I said halt! No more! Enough for ME. AND I MEANT IT.
So far so good.
Don't let your AH get you down with his blah words and behavior, his ideas of what your support role should be is HIS and not yours.
Take care of yourself and let him learn to cope himself.
God bless
5 weeks ago I said halt! No more! Enough for ME. AND I MEANT IT.
So far so good.
Don't let your AH get you down with his blah words and behavior, his ideas of what your support role should be is HIS and not yours.
Take care of yourself and let him learn to cope himself.
God bless
Formerly known as soconfused11
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
TC-
I have been wondering about you. You have a lot on your plate right now, my prayers are with you. Keep moving strong, you are in inspiration to me!
Good job on that exam! WOOOHOOO!!!!!
I have been wondering about you. You have a lot on your plate right now, my prayers are with you. Keep moving strong, you are in inspiration to me!
Good job on that exam! WOOOHOOO!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 2
Oh that all sounds so familiar. My AH is diabetic, and more than once has caused himself to be admitted to the ER or hospital, by drinking and causing huge sugar level issues, and raising his blood pressure. He mixes his meds and vodka, repeatedly. The last time he had to go to the hospital, I refused to go. He lives two hours away, and I was not going to find a place for our son to stay or take him with me. I could not let him control me with his health issues any longer. I took a lot of grief from his friends and my MIL, but I stood strong. They told me I needed to bring him home, make sure he got good rest and ate well. I said I live alone, with two kids, no one has to tell me to eat or sleep well. They didn't have much else to say to that. Since he lost his last job, he pretty much sleeps off his binges all day, so I dont' hear from him much. He's supposed to come home this weekend to help move our stuff out of the house into storage and into my new apartment. I'm not holding my breath.
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