klc57

New here -- just registered.

Don't know where to begin except I'm recently married to an alcoholic. Don't know why I went through the marriage as I knew about this before.

Third marriage for both of us. My first liked the drugs, my 2nd likes the beer; and I was raised by alcoholic parents.

I love my husband, however can't handle it when he's had too much to drink. He doesn't see any harm since he drinks at home. It's like being around a 15 year old (we're both in our early 50s). He says I shouldn't be upset over him drinking!

I'm preparing myself to leave -- even have gotten all my things in one place in the house to make the leave quicker and easier.

I've repeatedly talked with him about how I feel. He just doesn't get what I'm telling him. In marriage there is suppose to be a commitment -- for better and for worse -- but how far should that go?

His drinking is consuming me with stress.

GiveLove

Hi KLC, read around the forum a bit, especially the sticky posts at the top of the forum.

There are TONS of resources here, ideas, stories (good and bad), creativity, wisdom, support, things to try, things to avoid...... you have come exactly to the right place.

Hang around and join us, keep posting. And consider looking up a local Al-Anon meeting.....lots of us have found that face-to-face support system super-valuable in figuring out the right path for ourselves.

Bravo to you for realizing that you want change.

prodigal

I've been married to two A's (alcoholics). Neither one of them "got it." I started counseling, Al-Anon, and posting on this board. I realized my many discussions with both of them ended in my being frustrated and going nuts.

There is a commitment in a marriage; unfortunately, when married to an addict the commitment is usually one-way. The addict has his or her primary allegiance to the booze and/or drug(s).

I found I never did, and never would, fit into the equation of either of my AH's addictions. That's when I began asking myself why I kept glomming onto addicts. What they were doing had nothing to do with me. And what I was doing was merely a reaction to what THEY were doing.

You might want to give Al-Anon a try. I'd also suggest reading Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie, if you have not already done so.

It was only when I began to understand myself and my motivation for choosing addicts who eventually abandoned me to fend for myself, that I got a handle on my recovery.

Please keep posting. I hope we can be of help to you.

Spiritual Seeker

You married him knowing he was an alcoholic.
We can't change any one but ourselves.
That would be the best place for you to start..
Take time to work on your stuff so that you learn and know that what a relationship can be other than with an addict.
Your husband is repeating what he knows and you are repeating what you know.
He may not be ready to live another way, but perhaps you are.

I use to have a "picker" like yours.
I was able to change it at age 40 and choose a different type of relationship and a different way to be,
I constantly work on my own stuff. Therapy and al-anon helps greatly.

You don't have to stay stuck "in it"

sailorjohn

WELCOME!!!

What I've read, we try to finish the unfinished business from our childhood, growing up in an alcoholic household. We couldn't save our parent(s) but we can save this one. Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

klc57

Thanks for all the replies. I do appreciate your words.

I do have to work on myself as I have much to recover from and so often drawn away from what I need to work on FOR me. I need to stay focused.

So often I feel like a yo-yo with my emotions and must get a handle on it.

klc57

PS -- am planning on going to Al-anon.