iinertiacreepss

so ive had this account for a day because i couldn't take feeling so alone anymore about my situation. my boyfriend of 4 years has been smoking crack for one year and today was the day where i got to the point where i had my limits, because everything is being taken away from me and my only happiness is based on him, and thats not healthy.

his mom is willing to pay for a rehab program and so we both talked to him and told him we cannot help or support him any longer.. but what we can do is get him to a recovery house.

when we said this, he blew up. he got extremely irrational, angry, blaming for everything, saying we messed everything up, theres no hope for him, because we won't help him. he's just going to be a "crack-head" the rest of his life. he said he hates us.

and for once in this last year, i stuck with it. i didnt give in, like always. i was strong about it. i kept repeating that WE WANT HIM TO GET BETTER and the ONLY thing we can do is give him the number for these people to pick him up and take him to the recovery house, because he has NO where to go tonight and NO money.

after an hour of yelling and threats and anger, he finally broke down into tears and said he didn't want anything at all but to just see me and hold me and he didn't care about anything. if he could just see me, he would agree to call the number and get professional help.

but no one would let me see him one last time, so i shut off my phone and put the number in my voicemail machine....and i just need reassurance that that was okay to do. because i am new to this "being strong" thing. i am so used to him manipulated into helping him all the time. because i would see him EVERYDAY. but i feel i did what i could :/

does anyone else understand what i'm going through? im just sittting here suffering because i can't talk to him, but everyone tells me its for the best. its just when i heard him cry i just wanted to tell him everything would be okay. i just always feel so guilty

Impurrfect

yes, sweetie, I do know how you feel. And yes, it hurts, but it is the best thing for both of you.

He wants to have things his way...have you AND the crack. While he's using, he has no consideration for what this is doing to you. I'm a recovering crack addict and we really don't think about anything BUT crack.

I know this is hard, but I think you're doing the right thing. If I had had someone to hold me, be with me AND let me smoke crack? I'd probably still be smoking crack, not coming up on 20 months clean.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

littlebird77

yes I know what you are going through and if you want to speed things up, the best thing is to keep your distance and let him hit his bottom. I would think twice before investing money into his recovery. Four years is a long time to be with someone, but this is the time, where you tell him that if he wants to hold you then he needs to get help. I think it would be best to let him look for the help. The more you help him get help, the more it will not work... Think of it as helping a child with a homework assignment. If you do the assignment, and all the child needs to do is to go to school and hand in the paper, then the child really didn't learn anything, right?... be patient. as you see impurrfect has 20 months under her belt, and I have a friend who has almost five years under his belt. There is hope, but it is his issue, not yours, your issue is to see it that way.

SistersHelp

I understand the guilt too. It's heavy, suffocating, awful. But you have to keep asking yourself why you're doing what you're doing. If the intentions are good, you're doing the best thing you can do. Dealing with an addict doesn't give us any easy, good choices. It just makes us choose the least awful thing... the thing that is often the hardest to do, but is the only thing we can live with ourselves doing. Good wishes to you and your boyfriend. I hope things improve.

hello-kitty

Hi Intertiacreepss. I am a recovering crack addict (about 3 years clean) and my sons father is in prison right now because of his crack addiction. I'm sorry you are going through this but glad you found this site.

Crack addiction is tough to overcome. And the honest truth is the majority of crack addicts never recover. They just spiral further and further out of control. They smoke crack until the day they die, or until they end up in prison or a mental institute. Crack destroys your brain and even though you still look like a human (sort of) you loose the ability to act like a human, especially when it comes to caring for others. Your mind gets taken over by the need for more crack.

Take care of yourself. Focus on what you want out of life. If you don't want the life you area living right now, then you can change it. You can't change him or make him stop using crack. Even if he says he wants to and he wants your help. You can't help a crack addict. Part of getting better, is doing it on your own. That's the only way it works.

Take care. Keep reading and posting.

kj21

I think I understand how you are feeling. My ex and I would go in circles. I would have had enough, he would cry, break down, swear he was done! He just needed to know I was there and he hadn't lost me...I would think, finally, he's got it!! I would cave, we would have a few really nice, loving days...then BAM, back out he woud go. Over and over! I finally ended the relationship after 2 rehab stints were unsuccessful. He e-mailed me a while back and thanked me for being strong enough for the both us to end the relationship. He said if I hadn't who knows where he would be...he needed to face the reality of his choices. I hope that helps you!!