NYC_Chick

So, I've been at my new job for 6 months now. I pretty much stay in my office and don't talk too much, but I have made pretty good friends with the attorney in the office next to me.

Anyway, there is another attorney is the office who is obnoxious, loud, and possibly the most negative person I have ever met in my entire life. She is constantly the victim because she has had a hard childhood, and wears the "poor me" badge like a scarlet letter. She is also rude and mean for the most part if she doesn't like you or feels threatened by you. So, guess who she has decided to hate?

The girl I have made friends with pretty much keeps her distance from her as much as possible because the girl is so negative and just a drain and the other girl has noticed. So she is making more of an effort to be friends with my friend. My friend says she feels sorry for her and wants to try to help her. My friend also grew up with an alcoholic father, so I get that.

Tuesday we made plans to go shopping after work tonight. She said she had a doctors appointment at 6, then was coming back to the office and we would go from there. The nasty girl went running after her when she was leaving. I get a text from my friend saying she wanted to go have a drink and asked if we could go a different night. I said I had to return something so I would go alone. She comes back to the office with the nasty girl and ignores me. Um, ok. I'm not sure what that was about. Then they go round up the troops to all go have a drink. They never asked if I wanted to join them. I wouldn't have gone anyway, but it would have been nice not to have been blown off like that. So I left the office. She saw me leave and didn't say a word.

When I got there I didn't expect to really be friends with anyone. Now I think it was a mistake to do that. I'm hurt by what she did. I think the fact that she blew me off for a drink probably makes it worse. I don't think this girl is an alcoholic by any means, but still.

I don't know whether I should say anything or not. I think it would be pointless, but I don't want work to be weird either.

I wish I had not put myself out to make friends with anyone. UGH!!!!

Any suggestions?

deezaldog

It doesnt sound like it is your problem. It is theirs. Try not to make their issues yours. I look at work this way-I am there to do the best job I can, not make friends. As long as I go home feeling I did a good days work that makes my day. I walk out the door and do not think about co-workers and their issues. Next day I go in and do my job again. I never plan or expect to have lunch or after hours with co-workers. This works for me. I have learned that other peoples bad mood or attitude is theirs not mine. Hopefully this can help. I hope it gets better for you.

herewego

Imagine yourself at the grocery store. Everyone is there for the same reason, yet you are not obligated to interact at all times. It would be ridiculous for you or any other shopper to have any expectation of interaction. Just be polite, whatever problems exist, the store is not the appropriate place to project feelings.
I often remind myself that I can shop peacefully (work) get the task done and choose not to interact with the walmart people

cmc

I've learned that when people 'show their true colors' it's usually a gift to me. I try to watch how people act over time, how they treat me or others usually lets me know where I stand and/or if I even want them as a friend.

I've also learned in my recovery, to not give my friendship away so easily, because although my picker concerning a spouse was/is fine....with other people in various situations; I need to be careful of who I allow into my personal life. I make friends slowly and more carefully than I used to do.