Aysha

It seems like nothing I do makes me happy.
I have been sick for over a week. Runny nose..nasty cough..stomach is killing me. And is hard. I feel like I just ate myself silly but havent eaten since yesterday.
And of course..I am not feeling this new job either.
I have burned alot of bridges. And my avenues have run dry.
I have gone through alot of jobs.
Now I just cant seem to find anything that makes me happy.
I dont want to be miserable somewhere that I have to spend most of my time.
I lost alot of good jobs. Ones I wish I could get back.
And the anxiety of money and bills is weighing heavy on me once again.
Court cost of $387 due by next Thurs that I cant even begin to pay. Another friggin ticket I got while bein a dumbass last weekend for $180 that I dont have.
Behind on the bills again. Holidays coming up.
It is never ending.
That one screw up set me so far back it isnt even funny.
Money is always my problem.
What took me 4 months to catch up was wiped out with one day of being a jerk.
Un freakin believable.
I just dont know how to stop thinking about this crap.
Where to even begin to deal with it.
I am sweatin that court. What am I goin to say to the judge?
Even before I messed up I still couldnt begin to pay on it. I live paycheck to paycheck and cant catch up. CAnt keep up. I am so over trying to be responsible.
I want to go away. I hate NY. I hate everything about it here.
I cant move..where the hell would I go? With who?
I am not goin to leave my grams.
I hate feeling stuck. I hate feeling like I am running in place and just sliding back down.
Now I am getting to where I just dont even want to try.
It has nothing to do with trying to stay clean. I am good for awhile there. I am just sick of strugglin with simple life necessities.
And I havent even begun yet. I have a whole lifetime more of this **** ahead.
I odnt know..I just needed to get that out.

sassyserenity

Boy do I know that feeling! I give it to God and just deal the best I can on a daily basis. Money sucks and there never seems to be enough. I know I can run but I can't hide! Just don't take a drink over it because in the end the problem will still be there and drinking just may make it worse! Keep you chin up because this too shall pass!

Christine

Anna

Trish,

Maybe you need to accept having a job you don't like, at least for awhile. It sounds like paying bills is a priority, so if you have a job, hang onto it and pay off all the bills you can. In time, when the financial issues settle down, you can look for another job. By then, you will have worked in the same job for awhile and you can get a good recommendation. That's what will help you to move forward. Hang in there!

Impurrfect

(((Trish)))

Ask the court for a payment plan. I went to court a few months ago on tickets I had 4 years ago. He figured out that I had a drug problem (most of my tickets reflected that...loitering, being present where drugs are used/kept/sold, etc).

I explained that I was clean, I was working and needed a payment plan. Now, I had saved $1000 (it took me forever and included my rebate check), but my tickets were over $4000. He wrote off $3000 but I have to pay court costs.

Now, I'm in the same boat as you...I have 'til the 18th to pay off the court costs (I've paid half) and don't know if I'll have it.

Although my situation was a little different, it can't hurt to explain that you just changed jobs and are willing to work with them.

I know all the other feelings you're going through, too. I've burned a lot of bridges and now trying to find a decent job, meanwhile working at one I've grown to hate.

We will get through this as long as we stay clean.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Toomutch

Trish - Iam sorry to know you are feeling so down. We seem to have alot in common now as far as our emotions go.
I want you to know that I'm thinking about you and that I care.

Hugs,
Suz

Horselover

I am really sorry about what you're going through Trish. I would say and don't kick me because of it, but now may be the time to make a list of something or some things you may be grateful for. You probably want to punch me for saying that, but I know when I am in the mood you are in the only way out is to find something, anything to be grateful for.

Here's mine because the money issue has been hitting our house too -

1. Glad and grateful that I am healthy enough to enjoy the day and am not in a hospital with a major illness or what not.

2. Grateful my son and husband are healthy and the rest of my family is.

3. Grateful my dogs and cats are in my life and provide such a pot of happiness for me.

4. Grateful my cupboard and refrigerator have food in them and I don't have to worry about not having enough food to feed the family.

5. Grateful husband has a job he enjoys and is getting a paycheck from.

6. Grateful I am not drinking today and can be there for my son and husband mentally.

7. Grateful I have a few very good friends.

8. Grateful for Halloween approaching and seeing all the excited kids as it gets nearer to the day.

9. Grateful for the teachers, principal, and helpful staff at my son's school.

10. Grateful for being able to clean my house and get things done today.

This is my list Trish, but I am sure you would have a much different list. I do hope if you feel trapped in life you may come to the knowledge that things can and do change with time. The changes may be instigated by you or not, but our life does change. Look back at your life, is it exactly the same as when you were younger? Has anything changed? Your living situation seems to be a major contributor to your unhappiness, but I can totally understand the string that ties you there. Will that string be tied tight enough to never allow you to ever leave? In other words, will your Grandma be alive forever? Mine just passed away 2 weeks ago. I am no longer in a world with grandparents and I can honestly say that would be one of the things I would be grateful for is to spend one more day with one of my grandmas. Just one day. Its amazing how life changes as we grow. Don't give up Trish and don't let this anger and frustration take away your sanity. Fight it as only you can do. ((((Trish)))) Will be thinking and praying for you today.

Aysha

Well..My grams just told me she is goin to lend me $200 to put toward the court. And I will ask for an extension.
Anna..I know what your sayin. And I should not even be complainin about a job when so many cant even find one. MAkes me ashamed.
Just gettin that out got me fired up again.
I have another interview at Cracker Barrel this afternoon. And I am finally goin to see the Dr at 1pm.
I also got on the horn looking for a Pdoc that I am having a very hard time finding. i just need an eval for a procedure and noone wants to take it.
I give up too easily sometimes.
But I have been trying to stay strong and act as if nothing is bothering me when everything is bothering me.
But I find when I let it out..even by just hurtin you alls head with my nonsense. I feel alot better and it does put some motivation in me.
Instead of just acting like its going away on its own and not sayin anything.
So I made myeffort today.
We will see how it goes.
God..I feel sick. I hate being sick.