Lordofmylife

I have been struggling with alcohol for some time now. I guess I would be what you call "functioning". I can go days without alcohol (wine) then drink a whole bottle in one evening (like I did last night).

I have gotten to the point where I have so much guilt and shame and I wake up in the middle of the night to pour the bottle down the sink - only to go out the next day and do the same thing all over again -- I guess this is called insanity? This morning I felt horrible and have not felt good all day. Normally, this would keep me from the wine -- until the next time....

I have been doing this in secret -- though I am a single mother of a 10 year old son - and I put the wine into a plastic cup just so my son won't see. I take the empty bottles to the trash....this is a vicious cycle.

My boyfriend of more than a year doesn't even know -- when we're together, I don't drink like that. We go almost a week without seeing each other because we live 60 miles a part and we both have kids.

I came to the realization about 10 days ago that "whatever is done in secret will be exposed". I finally told my mom, my dad and my best friend in the hopes of being accountable. It was a huge relief to finally tell people -- they say that's the hardest part. They all told me the same thing -- call if I wanted to drink. Last night, I chose not to call.

My dad is an alcoholic and has been sober for 36 of the 38 years of my life. He told me to get to a meeting TONIGHT.

Praise the Lord that I found a closed women's group that meets tonight at 7:00 p.m.! I guess that's the way the Lord works -- always knowing what we need and when we need it.

I can't do this alone any more....all prayers and advice would be appreciated.

lostbutterfly

Well done - you've taken an important step. Your drinking was very like mine. I used to drink in coffee cups to hide it, take alcohol in water bottles to the park when I took my little girl there.

I've never told my parents, but my kids know I go to AA. It is a wonderful fellowship!

shanman422

You remind me much of myself... I could go a few days without drinking, or even a whole week... but the weekend I would make up for loss time big time and drink uncontrobably! I am so glad you are apart of this site! Keep coming back and posting... it's been a lifesaver for me, I hope it can be for you too!

Astro

Keep going to those meetings and you will never be alone again. Prayers going out for your continued recovery!

NewDayNow

I was a secret drinker for many years. It seems to be a common behavior. Sounds like you have a great support system with some great advice.


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deezaldog

Glad you are taking the first step. You are on your way to a better way of life. It is for me. I stuck on to the 9th step promises in the beginning of my sobriety. Now, I am able to believe and live it. I will pray and hope for your success. Keep posting about your progress. It will be great to hear about your progress. Best wishes and happy sobriety!

Serenidad

Good job for recognizing you have a problem and doing something about it before it gets out of hand and controls and ruins your life! I have 6 months and 1 week of sobriety and I can't tell you how much better I feel! I got a DUI in April and they took me to jail for 22 hours and that is where I finally surrendered and became willing to do ANYTHING to climb out of the he11 of alcoholism!

I called a treatment center the very next day and did 4 months of Intensive Outpatient Treatment which basically saved my life. It was 3 nights a week for 3 hours. In addition to treatment, I went to a meeting every single day for the first 4 months and now do 5-6 per week. It was a lot of hard work, but it was soooo worth it.

My husband is happier and my 3 kids are like different people. They are 10, 7 and 5. I can't believe how much my drinking was hurting them. I too, would drink out of cups and hide it, but they knew. Kids know these things! All three kids told me they knew I was up to something strange. I am sure your son knows too.

I am very proud of you for taking the first step. That is amazing that your dad has so much sobriety. He can help you. I never drank every day either. I was a binge drinker. I could go days, weeks and even a month without drinking and then all of a sudden I would get plastered! I learned in AA and treatment that it is not how much and how often we drink, it is what happens when we drink.
Good luck. Send me a PM anytime! :praying

four812

thank you so much for sharing this. it was touching and inspiring

i cant wait to hear about your first meeting and whatever is coming in your future.

keep up the good work