cassandra2

Today I realized that it was the right thing to do to ask him to leave. Its been 3 weeks today and I am so very sad about all of this. We spoke by text message today. We went back and forth about treatment and he still is saying that next month he is gonna go to detox and then they will be putting him into counseling. I just have to wait and see if that is what he is gonna do.

Finally for my own sanity I asked him if I should move on with my life and forget about us getting back together. He never responded. It was bitter sweet I guess because it confirmed to me that it never really was about our relationship it really is about him and the problem that he is facing with these pills. I know I know what your all gonna say that I didnt cause it and all that but remember how it feels to have an addict tell you things that you know in your heart isnt true but because its verbally said you tend to dwell on it. At least I do.

I miss him so very much and I know that even if he did come back today that it would not be the same until he got off of the pills but I still miss him.
I try not to dwell on everything but my heart is broken and its taking all the strength I have to move forward everyday. I spoke to his sister and she said he just sits in the house all day doesnt want to go out and do anything that he is depressed. I cant help but feel that is both good and bad. Good that maybe just maybe he is thinking about all of this and really isnt getting on with his life even though maybe he wants me to think that. Bad because he still hasnt moved off the couch to get help. I just keep praying and believing for a miracle.

imallright

I am sorry you are in so much pain. I know how sad it can be and how much you want it to be different, but you can't change it. You can change how you are going to take care of you and you are doing it. I know that sometimes it feels like why bother, but you matter and you need to keep yourself well. Baby steps, hon. It will get better.

winnie12

No matter what the circumstances breakups hurt. Just allow yourself time to grieve the loss. You're allowed to be sad - just try to not let it consume you. I promise that one day you will wake up and that wont be the first thought that crosses your mind. Then later on you'll actually go a whole day without thinking about it. Next thing you know you will look at it as a memory. Remember as with everything, this too will pass and YOU WILL SURVIVE.

rozied

I am so sorry you are hurting. I pray he will finally get moving to get himself some help. You take care of you. Trust his HP to work out the rest.
Love,
Diane

lovesmenot74

(((cassandra2)))

I'm so sorry you're hurting ... I wish I knew what to tell you.

I hesitate to tell you this because I don't want to bring you any additional pain ... I hope that you will take this for what it's worth ...

I also asked my ex if I should move on ... I asked him - no begged him - to tell me it was over and for me to forget about him and move on. He wouldn't/couldn't do it. I also sent him a letter telling him how I felt and telling him that I would make it easy for him to let go (I thought maybe he wanted to leave but didn't know how) ... I told him that if I didn't hear from him by a certain date then I would know he wanted to move on and I would let him go - if I did hear from him, then I would know he wanted to work on us like he'd promised in jail and I would fight WITH him for recovery. He called me on the day that I had given him. We didn't talk about anything important - he actually asked me if he could have my extra computer, but he DID call on the day I'd given as his "get out of the relationship free" day. If he didn't want me, all he had to do was not call on that day - and he called me.

I took this to mean that he still loved me and wanted things to work. This is what I wanted to believe.

I spent the next 2 weeks waiting for him to call, scouring the internet for places we could both go together for treatment/therapy etc and when I called to see how he was doing, his roommate told me he had a new girlfriend. My heart was SHATTERED.

When I spoke to a friend of mine, she said that maybe he gave me those crumbs because he wanted the OPTION of being with me if/when he needed/wanted me. Not that he actually wanted to do the work involved to make "us" better ... he just didn't want ME to give up ... didn't want to shut that door completely.

I'm not saying this is what your guy is doing ... and I really hope that he will see what he's losing and fight for it. I just want you to do what I didn't do ... please protect your heart ... don't hang onto that tiny shred as a sign that he's going to turn around and be what/who you need him to be. I did, and I set myself up for yet another heartbreaking disappointment ... I just would hate for you to be where I am right now ... it's a horribly painful place to be.

:ghug3

beegee

Three weeks is a good start for you but I know it is painful for you, as someone said any breakup is no matter what the reason. I think after reading so many posts from gf of adbf you are doing the smart thing for yourself right now.
Hopefully he will make some good choices but if he doesn't by next month, you will have a much stronger you. Remember actons speak louder then words.Hang in there and believe in your gut feelings.

MrsMagoo

I am facing the same decision....do I give AH an out. I think his choosing not to stop using is his decision. Dear Lord it's painful. It is worse than another woman. I can understand another woman.

As far as those who have lost their addict to another woman....that woman is an enabler. They will end up in the same spot as we have. It's just a matter of time. Maybe they won't care. Maybe they will accept the addict. Does that make us wrong?

lovesmenot74

No, it doesn't make us wrong at all ... but wondering if she'll accept him really makes me question if I'd just accepted him if we could have had what we had in the beginning ... then I have to grab myself by the shoulders and remind myself that I might have been able to look away for a short while longer, but I'd have just continued to invest more into someone who I'd really always be hoping would quit the drugs and all the behaviours that go with it before we had kids ... cuz i will NOT bring a child into a family where the parents are using drugs - it's hard enough to keep 'em on the right path without being able to excuse their behaviour cuz mom'n'dad do it. So what if I'd accepted it and it was still an issue 10 yrs down the road? Well I'd be here again ... only 10 yrs older and more invested. I'm sure there are lots of ppl on this board that are in exactly that situation and wish they'd made different choices.

Impurrfect

Big hugs and prayers to all you of you that are hurting.

I remember the pain, and thinking my life was over. I know it's hard to not remember the "good guys" they used to be, but addiction will literally suck the life out of not only him, but you if you let it.

I've been on both sides, and they both suck. An addict WILL try to string you along...give you just enough that you let them back in...remember, this is coming from an RA. As long as we're using, that's all we're concerned with. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, but the pull of drugs is stronger.

I have been in recovery for almost 20 months. I am not the same person I was a year ago, even though I was in recovery. I am just now figuring out who I am.

I hope you can all detach and let them find their own way. Not only is it the best thing for you (IMO), but it's the best thing for them. The people who have helped me the most, in my recovery, are the ones who stood back and let me figure it out by myself, and they absolutely would not tolerate addict behavior.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy