Serenidad

Hello, I need help. I had 6 months of sobriety last week and all of a sudden I feel like SH-T emotionally. It's almost like the "new-ness" of sobriety or "pink cloud" wore off the minute I got my 6 month coin last week.

I have been waking up the past few days with tons of anxiety and fear, some depression, restlessness, irratibility and boredom. Honestly, sobriety feels boring sometimes. Sometimes I long to just sit on a bar stool in a dark, smokey tavern and just get wasted and escape the pains of the world.

I am really scaring myself today! I got a DUI on April 21st and I have been sober ever since. I worked really hard! I did 4 months of Intenstive Outpatient Treatment, like 100 meetings in 90 days and counseling. Up until a few weeks ago I was still going to about 5-6 meetings a week, then I started slacking! I have only been going to like 3 a week. IS THAT IT? Should I up my meetings again? Did I fall off the pink cloud? (I actually didn't even know I was on one)!

Please help! I am scared of this disease! It wants me to drink and to die!

Thanks guys!

kj3880

Jen you are right to be scared of the disease, cause it is scary!!!
Meetings are the medicine when we feel this way, I believe. Go to as many as you need to go to as long as you need to! Don't try to make this about someone else's timetable. Each person recovers at their own pace, so take it slow if you need to. Go to meetings every day for a while until you feel better! Hang in there and keep posting...let me know if you want to chat!
KJ

Ananda

jen...i don't think it would hurt to try getting to some extra meetings....but some of this may just be normal recovery...I got pretty down after I got one year....I was the center of attention of the group and all my friends for about 2 weeks before....it was head spinning and then ..... less attention and boy do i get addicted to attention.

Also, I know you work hard at your program. But no matter how good we work the program...time takes time and there will be ups and downs adn new challenges...So don't think you are doing something wrong...be aware of how you can change and get weller...but no beating yourself up ok

:ghug

Astro

Get back to those meetings and reach out for help. Do you have a sponsor, are you taking the 12 Steps?

Just my experience, my program only works if I'm continually putting effort into it and practicing the 12 Steps every day. It's a lot of hard work, but the more I put into it the less I struggle.

Remember that a drink never improved any situation. Whatever you do don't pick up again!

mtnmagic

Jen - I can't answer your questions, I'm only 15 days sober myself. I just know that right now for me I need a meeting every day to make sure I keep sober in the twenty four hour period inbetween. I don't know how long I will have to go to a meeting everyday. I don't care. I can't go out there again.

I just wanted you to know that you can get through this hard time. Sounds like you are working a strong program and are open to questioning your own behavior recently as far as recovery goes. Do you have a sponsor? Have you talked to people in your meetings about how you are feeling?

Hang in there and just don't drink for today.

Take care

mtnmagic

Jomey

Hang in there, Jen, I went through the same thing emotionally right before my year anniversary. I was letting my anxiety get me down and I did think about drinking at times. I don't think I was ever really craving, but those pesky "I did a whole year, maybe I can be a "social" drinker" thoughts came and went, sometimes more often than I was comfortable with.

My HP intervened in the strangest way...I came down with one of those 24 hour stomach bugs...felt like a disgustingly awful hangover! What a reminder that I never want to be there again!

Do whatever you need to do, realize that these thoughts come to us, and they are just thoughts, not evil intentions of action.

Keep posting

least

Your pink cloud may have dissipated some upon reaching six months sober, but it may also be PAWS rearing it's ugly head. Info on PAWS in the "Quitting, what to expect, what we did" sticky in Alcoholism forum. Read up on it to see if your symptoms match up to the discription of PAWS.

But no matter what you do, DON'T PICK UP THAT FIRST DRINK! You know this without my telling you, but keep reminding yourself of that slippery slope you'd slide down if you drank.

You CAN stay sober! Just don't drink for today!

:ghug3

BreakFree

(((Jen)))

I am SOOO new to this and don't know what the right thing to say or best advice is in this situation, but I do know that you have done the right thing in reaching out for help. It may not feel like it right now, but it sounds like you care more about staying sober than visiting that smokey tavern. It's HARD, I'm sure. You've come so far and have worked so hard...try and focus on that. Do something completely opposite of the smokey tavern...something that will make you feel amazing in a healthy way! :)

I understand the boredom thing all too well. I haven't found my solution to this, but I do know that it requires action. When I feel the way you described, sometimes that first step seems so out of reach, but it really isn't. Tell the voice in your head you aren't listening and move onto something else. Visit a friend...just do something so that you can tune out the destructive voice inside. I hope that helps a little! :)

bugsworth

Hey Jen...being scared is ok....it is normal, healthy in fact!

While I don't think your disease wants you dead I do think that the voice can rear its ugly head from time to time, again this is normal.

Nothing can make you drink, you do have control...remember this and you will be fine.

Stay strong...stay focused and you will remain sober!

Toomutch

(((Jen))), I personally do not attend AA, but it sounds like a meeting for you
is in order. PM me anytime Jen.

TTOSBT

Jen,
Thanks for this post today. It was very important for me as I got a DUI at the beginning of May and have been sober since. I am coming up on 6 months.
I have been doing the DUI program, seeing a therapist, going to meetings, developed a very strong network in AA, have a sponsor and am working the steps. I am feeling good and strong today but I do have my ups and downs. My connection with my hp is vital every day.

So my questions are, do you have a sponsor? Are you working the steps? Are you involved in service work? That has been a big plus for me!

I am here if you ever want to talk.

BTW, Being a drunk is boring!

Serenidad

WHEWWWWW ! Thanks guys! I didn't realize how much posting and getting feedback and help from you would help. Yes, I do have a sponsor and I am on step 8. She knows about my craziness!

I hate this disease!

Mattcake

Jen, going to a meeting does sound like a plan. Get moving, don't allow those thoughts to overtake your determination. That "pink cloud" is called sobriety, imo, there is no reason to lose it.

Also... congrats on reaching out right here in the forums Just goes to show that you're thinking before you act.

PM me if you need to talk.

Rob B

Finish the 8th step list and work those amends like your life depends on it. If you are like me it does. The promises they read at meetings, those are 9th step promises. The book goes on to say that in the 10th step we will have entered the realm of the spirit. Continue to pray and meditate and be of maximum service to all around you, that's what I would suggest.

Serenidad

OK- I am heading to another AA meeting...! It might help.

tennis71

Question - Have you relapsed? To me it sounds like the answer is no. I strongly suggest focusing your energy elsewhere and try not to worry about something that has not happened. Future tripping has always gotten me into trouble, I suggest avoiding it.

Maybe try upping your weekly meetings to one a day until this passes. Is there a reason that your attending less meetings each week? Also, talk to your sponsor. AA is not supposed to be an anti social experience. Working with others is part of recovery.

You are doing great, take it a day at a time and keep moving forward!!

:praying

Anna

Hi Jen,

It's great that yu're putting this out here and getting feedback.

Whatever program you use, I think it takes work every day, in order to stay sober. And, I never had a pink cloud either. I was too filled with guilt, in the early days. But, I do know that recovery is not a straight line. So just stay focused and enjoy the day.

CarolD

Jen...
When I started on my AA Step work...I finally felt
solid in my recovery.

I've also found working with someone newer than I
is a great way to get out of my funk.

Each time I resumed drinking....at least 2 of the
HALT elements were in place. Remember....don't
allow yourself to become overly
Hungry..Angry..Lonely or Tired.

Mega

Serenidad

Hi! I went to another AA meeting, one that I have never been too, and I feel soooo much better. I met some of the nicest people! Thanks so much for helping me get through the few hours before the meeting. I am so glad I am still sober!

Aysha

I am glad you are too..
I think it is normal for some to feel that way. Especially after hitting a certain point.
Just remember it doesnt change. That vicious cycle remains the same no matter how long you stay away.
Your doing good and I am so glad you reached out. And even more so that it helped.