Children in meetings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: NE USA
Posts: 41
Children in meetings
This has been on my mind all week.
How do you feel about children being in meetings? In my limited experience
in my little area of the world, I have seen it more accepted in NA than in AA.
I searched the traditions and browsed/googled online and cannot find any guideline that specifically deals with children being in meetings with their parents.
Personal experience is that most people are cool with it but a few are uncomfortable.
What do YOU think?
How do you feel about children being in meetings? In my limited experience
in my little area of the world, I have seen it more accepted in NA than in AA.
I searched the traditions and browsed/googled online and cannot find any guideline that specifically deals with children being in meetings with their parents.
Personal experience is that most people are cool with it but a few are uncomfortable.
What do YOU think?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
Man....I would LOVE if people would allow me to bring my kids to AA meetings in my town!!! I understand that a lot of places do allow it, but not in my city, unfortunately. So that whole "get to a meeting, no matter what!" thing really is a kick in the face when some people just can't afford child-care every day for three kids!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I can see this from both ways...kids are irritating to me in meetings(just being honest here, sorry), yet I also think parents need meetings so in that respect I am ok with it....its a tough one. I do not moderate my sharing to be kid freindly.
I guess to me if it's an open meeting, then kids should be perfectly accepted there. However, I believe the parent needs to make a judgement call cause i don't feel that I need to inhibit my sharing if I don't want to regardless of children in the meeting.
Where I got sober the first time my home group paid a sitter to come and watch kids in a different room one night a week and I think that was very helpful. I had a 5 year old at the time and was glad to have it. And when we couldn't afford a sitter for a while the parents took turns watching the kids.
moms in aa can also trade of sitting for each others kids so that they can alternate going to meetings too.
I guess to me if it's an open meeting, then kids should be perfectly accepted there. However, I believe the parent needs to make a judgement call cause i don't feel that I need to inhibit my sharing if I don't want to regardless of children in the meeting.
Where I got sober the first time my home group paid a sitter to come and watch kids in a different room one night a week and I think that was very helpful. I had a 5 year old at the time and was glad to have it. And when we couldn't afford a sitter for a while the parents took turns watching the kids.
moms in aa can also trade of sitting for each others kids so that they can alternate going to meetings too.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
ananda: i completely agree with you that no one should have to censor themselves in an AA meeting!! Also, parents SHOULD 100% be in charge of their kids' behaviour in a meeting. In my house, my kids are used to my uncensored self (ahem lol) so I forget that other parents might want censored language around their children. I would like it if there was a specific meeting once a week where people had the option of bringing their kids...then people would also not go to that one if they were uncomfortable around wee'uns. 
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I like the idea of shared/alternate child care. ONce you get to know some of the other women and build some trust, maybe this can work for you. I know some people bring their kids to AA meetings. I think it depends on the kids - their age and ability to play quietly for an hour.
Parents should have some leeway in bringing kids to meetings. It should not be a barrier. But it does depend on the specific meetings and the kids' ability to be in a meeting for an hour and not be too disruptive.
Parents should have some leeway in bringing kids to meetings. It should not be a barrier. But it does depend on the specific meetings and the kids' ability to be in a meeting for an hour and not be too disruptive.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
OK...here comes the "Old Gal's" opinion, for what it's worth.
I, personally approve of children at meetings...I took my grandkids from the time they were infants (sitting right on the table in a baby carrier) until they were about 10 - 12 years of age. Certainly, they should be allowed at open meetings...as long as they aren't disruptive...in which case, they should be quietly taken out of the meeting (just as you would do in church).
The language used at open meetings should absolutely be appropriateto be heard by anyone attending the meetings. Closed meetings are more flexible, and often a "let it all hang out" atmosphere.
Whether or not children are allowed or encouraged to be present at meetings is up to the Group Conscience. Unfortunately, there are some members who are so uncomfortable in their recovery, children being present is a distraction to them. My own home group welcomed youngsters...we had lots of single mothers, young marrieds with infants, old timers who brought grandkids. It was never a problem, and we always had a full room of over 150 or so.
My youngest granddaughter knew everyone in my home group by name, and they knew her...it was like an extended family to her. Being at frequent AA Meetings with me, she knew the Lord's Prayer and Serenity Prayer before she even started in pre-school. One day when she was five years old, after she and I had been on a shopping spree, we decided to rest for a bit. There were kitchen chairs set up on display in two rows and we sat down. She turned to me and said, "Make betend we're at a meeting, Nonny." I said, "O.K" She jumped up to face me, put both hands on her hips, and said (in a loud little girl voice), "My name is Marissa, and I'm an alcoholic." I heard some laughter behind me and turned to see a couple who had apparently gotten a big kick out of the performance. I simply shrugged and said, "So much for anonymity."
Children will be exposed to drunkenness at some time in their lives...whether it be at home or elsewhere. Wouldn't it be a good thing for them to learn the difference between active and recovering alcoholics? I truly believe that only by education will we ever erase the stigma still attached to the disease.
I, personally approve of children at meetings...I took my grandkids from the time they were infants (sitting right on the table in a baby carrier) until they were about 10 - 12 years of age. Certainly, they should be allowed at open meetings...as long as they aren't disruptive...in which case, they should be quietly taken out of the meeting (just as you would do in church).
The language used at open meetings should absolutely be appropriateto be heard by anyone attending the meetings. Closed meetings are more flexible, and often a "let it all hang out" atmosphere.
Whether or not children are allowed or encouraged to be present at meetings is up to the Group Conscience. Unfortunately, there are some members who are so uncomfortable in their recovery, children being present is a distraction to them. My own home group welcomed youngsters...we had lots of single mothers, young marrieds with infants, old timers who brought grandkids. It was never a problem, and we always had a full room of over 150 or so.
My youngest granddaughter knew everyone in my home group by name, and they knew her...it was like an extended family to her. Being at frequent AA Meetings with me, she knew the Lord's Prayer and Serenity Prayer before she even started in pre-school. One day when she was five years old, after she and I had been on a shopping spree, we decided to rest for a bit. There were kitchen chairs set up on display in two rows and we sat down. She turned to me and said, "Make betend we're at a meeting, Nonny." I said, "O.K" She jumped up to face me, put both hands on her hips, and said (in a loud little girl voice), "My name is Marissa, and I'm an alcoholic." I heard some laughter behind me and turned to see a couple who had apparently gotten a big kick out of the performance. I simply shrugged and said, "So much for anonymity."
Children will be exposed to drunkenness at some time in their lives...whether it be at home or elsewhere. Wouldn't it be a good thing for them to learn the difference between active and recovering alcoholics? I truly believe that only by education will we ever erase the stigma still attached to the disease.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
I don't love it, only because I don't think it is all that great for the kids. I don't know. There are people in meetings that i would not choose to expose my kids to, but that is me. BUT if it is either bring your kids or don't come, by all means, brings your kids!!!
I was thinking about this the other day and wondering why we can't have a co-op daycare for kids? I am very lucky that I have a normie husband right now but the first time I got sober I was a single parent and it was hard.
I was thinking about this the other day and wondering why we can't have a co-op daycare for kids? I am very lucky that I have a normie husband right now but the first time I got sober I was a single parent and it was hard.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
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Originally Posted by Jersey Nonny 
Children will be exposed to drunkenness at some time in their lives...whether it be at home or elsewhere. Wouldn't it be a good thing for them to learn the difference between active and recovering alcoholics? I truly believe that only by education will we ever erase the stigma still attached to the disease.[/B]
I've always believed that I'd rather have someone get recovery and make it to meetings than feel unwelcomed by bringing their children. I can certainly suck it up for an hour and be a little irritated while an alcoholic in need hears the message.
I started taking my kids to meetings over 3 years ago. They were 7 & 9 then. They still attend 2-3 meetings a week with me, the program has blessed us with a rich life and more friends than we ever dreamed of having. Sometimes the language is a little harsh, but these days they're hearing that in school anyway. I'd rather they heard it than to be clueless about alcoholism and other addictions.
Besides, where else can my children see so many people of all ages, races, religions, etc. coming together and supporting each other for the same reason? Seems like a pretty wonderful thing to me!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
i love to see kids in meetings. babies, toddlers, whatever
they bring smiles and hope
also reminds me of when i brought my own children to meetings, especially my first son.
i don't do that anymore (i have a young girl now). one reason is the smoke and the language....but mostly because i figure it's my job to be of more service to her than when i'm at a meeting. so i plan my meetings without my girl, and if i have my girl i ain't going to a meeting.
I also give space to the people who don't like the kids at the meetings. kids can have a tendency to make adults see the pain in their own up bringings
they bring smiles and hope
also reminds me of when i brought my own children to meetings, especially my first son.
i don't do that anymore (i have a young girl now). one reason is the smoke and the language....but mostly because i figure it's my job to be of more service to her than when i'm at a meeting. so i plan my meetings without my girl, and if i have my girl i ain't going to a meeting.
I also give space to the people who don't like the kids at the meetings. kids can have a tendency to make adults see the pain in their own up bringings
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Out Of The Mouths Of Babes!
Originally Posted by dancinggirl
Oh Jersey, I love that story!!!! LOL! I think it would be great for kids to be exposed to recovery, too.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
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ksplash5: wow...they have smoking inside meetings where you're from? In my town, there isn't smoking allowed ANYWHERE! lol Not in bars, public parks, restaurants, zippo! People have to be a certain amount of feet away from buildings, too. Cold, cold smokers in the winter. lol
Black and Yellow
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
This is a GREAT thread! I have a 13 yr old daughter and a 7 yr old son. At my meetings, we have our meeting room and a tv room with doors to separate the two. When the meeting starts we close the door. The tv room has 2 computers, a tv (duh) a pool table and a pinball machine. My daughter sometimes sits in the meetings with me. She is ok with the uncensored talk in there. I like to think of it as preventative maintenance for her!
As for my son, he finds it very boring to be in the meeting! As long as I have plenty of quarters for the games, he leaves me alone! He did ask me once, "Mom, whats an addict?" LOL!
As for my son, he finds it very boring to be in the meeting! As long as I have plenty of quarters for the games, he leaves me alone! He did ask me once, "Mom, whats an addict?" LOL!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
There are meeting where children are welcome and in fact the 1-1/2 hours of watching the smaller kids is a rotating service position. The bigger issue of to allow or not to allow kids is a group conscious issue IMO.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Southwest PA USA
Posts: 339
I've been at meetings where there are infants up to teens. As long as the children behave, I've had no problems. And when the infants begin to cry, well, that's what infants do. I'm the father of twin boys- sometimes they get hungry, cranky, or need a didy changed. None of it they can control. It's when the older children begin to run around that I think something should be said. 99 percent of the time, a child has not caused anything disruptive of the meeting.
BHJ
BHJ
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
I guess one of the things that has made me think it is of no positive effect on kids is that I have heard hundreds of people share in meetings that they "grew up" in AA with their folks. So I don't think it hurts the kids but I also don't think it does anything to prevent them using, abusing, experimenting, etc.
I do talk to my son about it a lot. He is 17. He asks questions and I am very honest with him. He has asked about the steps and what a sponsor is and does, etc. So I don't need to shelter him from it I just don't feel the need to make my kids go to meetings because I choose to. But like I said, if I had no other option, I would bring them
I do talk to my son about it a lot. He is 17. He asks questions and I am very honest with him. He has asked about the steps and what a sponsor is and does, etc. So I don't need to shelter him from it I just don't feel the need to make my kids go to meetings because I choose to. But like I said, if I had no other option, I would bring them
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
I took my daughter to meetings from the ages of maybe 5 - 11.
But it was for 5 or 6 years and it was always to open meetings.
Sometimes other people had their kids there so they all played together, at one meeting in particular there was a play ground next door so that worked pretty well. I also use to bride Harlen (my daughter) with lollies etc.. to behave herself and be quiet.
Then we met this little girl whose mother had brought her a little hand held video game which allowed for the sound to be turned off. So of course I got Harlen one of those and then she was set.
I worked as a Nanny during this time as well and some of the kids I looked after come to meetings with me too. Dunno if they ever told their parents or repeated what they heard. Lol. No one said anything to me if they did!
But it was for 5 or 6 years and it was always to open meetings.
Sometimes other people had their kids there so they all played together, at one meeting in particular there was a play ground next door so that worked pretty well. I also use to bride Harlen (my daughter) with lollies etc.. to behave herself and be quiet.
Then we met this little girl whose mother had brought her a little hand held video game which allowed for the sound to be turned off. So of course I got Harlen one of those and then she was set.
I worked as a Nanny during this time as well and some of the kids I looked after come to meetings with me too. Dunno if they ever told their parents or repeated what they heard. Lol. No one said anything to me if they did!
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