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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 2
New here
Hi...
I am a SAHM of 4 kids and have a wonderful husband who has been the target of my drunken rage..He has stuck by me and supported me for the last 4 yrs of "thinking" I was sober only to have relapses every 6 months..but now the relapses are getting closer together...
I always thought I could do it on my own...I wanted to believe that I wasn't like my dad was(he has 25 yrs sober going to AA), I wanted to believe that I could just stop..and I have come to the conclusion that without help and doing it right the only thing I have done over the last four years is hide from the truth.
I spent roughly 3 yrs in a bottle of whiskey and almost killed my kids driving and woke up the next morning an stopped drinking. I stayed sober for about 2 yrs straight, then had the wonderful idea that "I can stop when I want to so it's okay to have a glass of wine, after all it isn't whiskey"..and have been going downhill since..My relapses would come and go and with each one I would say and do everything I could to excuse myself, blame it on someone else. Instead of standing up and saying "I need help".
I was doing really well, then I had to have a full hysterectomy about a year ago due to really bad endometriosis. and well I have felt so lost since then. I have felt out of control and at times really desperate to have my old self back. The doctors have had me on different hormnes and anti-depressants. the last "try" was zoloft, which made me feel like ending it all. SO I flushed them down the toilet. But apparently I am not suppposed to up and stop those pills the way I did..
I have feared asking for help because I really have it stuck in my head that getting help somehow means I would loose my babies, and so I hid and tried to do it alone...only to make it worse by doing it that way..Wow, I am rambling now, I apologize...
So I am making my first call this morning to my doctors and will be getting myself into counseling, and will find the AA meetings here where I live. and actually go. As scared as I am about it, I know what I have to do to get healthy again...I grew up in AA and Al-Anon, which really makes me wonder why it is so scary for me to go to the meetings..
my apologies for rambling...I am not even sure my post makes sense...lol
I am a SAHM of 4 kids and have a wonderful husband who has been the target of my drunken rage..He has stuck by me and supported me for the last 4 yrs of "thinking" I was sober only to have relapses every 6 months..but now the relapses are getting closer together...
I always thought I could do it on my own...I wanted to believe that I wasn't like my dad was(he has 25 yrs sober going to AA), I wanted to believe that I could just stop..and I have come to the conclusion that without help and doing it right the only thing I have done over the last four years is hide from the truth.
I spent roughly 3 yrs in a bottle of whiskey and almost killed my kids driving and woke up the next morning an stopped drinking. I stayed sober for about 2 yrs straight, then had the wonderful idea that "I can stop when I want to so it's okay to have a glass of wine, after all it isn't whiskey"..and have been going downhill since..My relapses would come and go and with each one I would say and do everything I could to excuse myself, blame it on someone else. Instead of standing up and saying "I need help".
I was doing really well, then I had to have a full hysterectomy about a year ago due to really bad endometriosis. and well I have felt so lost since then. I have felt out of control and at times really desperate to have my old self back. The doctors have had me on different hormnes and anti-depressants. the last "try" was zoloft, which made me feel like ending it all. SO I flushed them down the toilet. But apparently I am not suppposed to up and stop those pills the way I did..
I have feared asking for help because I really have it stuck in my head that getting help somehow means I would loose my babies, and so I hid and tried to do it alone...only to make it worse by doing it that way..Wow, I am rambling now, I apologize...
So I am making my first call this morning to my doctors and will be getting myself into counseling, and will find the AA meetings here where I live. and actually go. As scared as I am about it, I know what I have to do to get healthy again...I grew up in AA and Al-Anon, which really makes me wonder why it is so scary for me to go to the meetings..
my apologies for rambling...I am not even sure my post makes sense...lol
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
You ARE making sense. Admitting we have a problem is the first step to fixing that problem. AA is a great help to many. It has helped me a lot, tho I don't go to as many meetings as I used to.
Welcome to a great place for support in recovery. Speaking honestly with your doctor is a good place to start a sober life!
Welcome!:ghug3
Welcome to a great place for support in recovery. Speaking honestly with your doctor is a good place to start a sober life!
Welcome!:ghug3
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Juls Welcome to SR! Glad that you are calling your Doctor. 
Happy to hear that you are doing what is right for you! Going to meetings if you have not been in a long time can be scary however I bet if you walk into one meeting you will come out shining and no longer scared!
It sounds like you have a great plan for yourself! Please keep us posted- and check out the other forums here "Alcoholism" and the stickies located at the top! They are filled with a wealth of information and SR is filled with great people always willing to share their E S & H with us all!
Happy to hear that you are doing what is right for you! Going to meetings if you have not been in a long time can be scary however I bet if you walk into one meeting you will come out shining and no longer scared!
It sounds like you have a great plan for yourself! Please keep us posted- and check out the other forums here "Alcoholism" and the stickies located at the top! They are filled with a wealth of information and SR is filled with great people always willing to share their E S & H with us all!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 2
Thank you all for your warm welcomes. I have taken a step, in the right direction, I think. I have my first appointment today with a counselor at 2. It's time to own up and realize I need help and can't do it on my own. My children and my husband mean way to much to me to become a full blown drunk again. and on the path I am on, that is where I am headed if I don't do something...
Again, thank you all for the warm welcome, I have been reading alot here this morning and see so many great and wonderful people here.
Again, thank you all for the warm welcome, I have been reading alot here this morning and see so many great and wonderful people here.
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