JLiRD808

I first wrote on this forum in Dec.2005...I guess old postings are deleted or the server crashed, etc.....no problem.

Anyways...its been 3 years since I've posted here. My drinking and drug use has mellowed out significantly which I'm proud to say. I'm back in college and work a decent job on the side. I'm also pursuing some great musical ambitions (my dream).

The problem is though that I cant help but have just a few drinks (beers) EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I don't get out of control...it doesn't turn into 15-25 beers like the old days but it still concerns me. Usually I gotta smoke at least a few cigs too to go with my beers.

I've literally been in bed with PJs on, brushed teeth, ready to fall asleep but cravings just gnaw at me until I rationalize why its ok to get up and enjoy an hour or so of some drinks. Then I have to try and go back to bed smelling like cigarettes and unable to sleep till 4am (nicotine rush?) I keep telling myself the next morning "never again" but sure enough when 10pm comes around I ready for some alcohol!

I guess I do it cuz its fun...but the repetitiveness and consequences are getting old. I woke up the other morning after not having a single drink the nite b4 (rare!)and FELT SOOO GOOD!! However, I cant get myself to keep it up...The reason I stayed sober that one night was cuz I had an important and tough class presentation to do the next morning (which I aced!)

Anyways just sharing thoughts. I know a lot of people who have at least a few beers a day between dinner and bedtime so sometimes I don't feel so bad. Other times I just wonder what my potential could be if I quit cold turkey...

Thanks for reading!
Jason

Taking5

If you average more than 2 drinks a day as a man, that is considered heavy drinking by the CDC:

Alcohol and Public Health - FAQs

I never considered this amount heavy, but then I am an alcoholic. Why don't you try 30days without any drinks and see what happens?

JLiRD808

Yeah most of my family has at least a couple glasses of wine/a few beers every night. I have some friends that drink may more than that every night (12pack of Bud lite/nite). I dont see those ppl as really happy though and their lives dont seem to be going anywhere...

I was thinking of entering a detox facility maybe sometime around the holidays. Does it cost money if I have insurance? I was thinking of asking my family for it this xmas since Im not sure I could afford it...jeez if I could detox for about a week even I think it would change my body/mindset so much...!!

I could try it on my own but the problem is that I cant even imagine lasting more than a few days because of the social/work/school environment I am in. Thats one of the reasons I want to get out of the restaurant business (Im a cook) because theres so much drinking amongst restaurant workers. Ive pretty much decided to change employers following christmas and get into advertising since thats what my bachelors degree is in anyways.

Thanks for the reply!

Pelican

Hi Jason,

Welcome back to SR. Your post here shows that you know you have a problem with alcohol. Your body physically craves alcohol on a daily basis. Alcohol is controlling you. Time for change.

Because your body is addicted to alcohol, your mind is involved also. You can not imagine going days without on your own. That is part of the curse. That is why we all will encourage you to take one day at a time. One moment at a time. If you are not drinking right now, congratulations! Keep adding the minutes together.

I was just having fantom dreams this morning of what my mind was like while drinking. I could not plan day trips out of town with my family if I had to be the designated driver. I would worry over how long I would have to go without a drink. Then I would wonder if I could plan to drink upon arrival and then stop drinking a few hours before getting back behind the wheel. These trips met with mixed results. Sometimes I remained sober, but drank heavily in short amounts of time before going to bed. Awful hangovers. Sometimes I did the mid-trip drinking, but was sluggish and tired on the drive home. Guilt trips also for not making a day without drinking. But mostly, I made excuses why we couldn't make the day trip!

I'm on day 64 sober. One day at a time, moment by moment.

Reading the excerpts posted here from "Under the Influence" helped me understand my bodies physical addiction to alcohol and why I struggled so with stopping.

Keep reading and posting. You can do this!

splendra

When stuff hits me at night before bed I start praying. I ask that I be lead in to service for the greatest good.

least

A gift of rehab would be great, a good way to start a new sober life.

You can do it, just don't give up on yourself!:ghug3

CarolD

Good to see you again Jason...

tennis71

Welcome back to sober recovery and thanks for posting.

I don't know a heck of a lot about you or your situation, just what you posted above, but before you commit to detox you might consider a few things - Do you think that you have a problem with alcohol that you cannot manage on your own? Do you want to stop drinking? If you do, then what are you going to do after detox? Detox is a very short, temporary fix, and if you don't really have the desire to quit going into it, you're wasting your time and money.

My suggestion for your holidays would be to sit down with an addiction specialist / alcohol counselor, get an evaluation, honestly answer the questions on the evaluation, and go from there. They may suggest inpatient treatment along with detox, outpatient or something else.

I would also suggest attending AA meetings on a regular basis to get some ideas on how to maintain sobriety.

Lastly, talk to a Dr. about your health and your plans to get sober.

As Least said, you can do it, don't give up on yourself.

Thanks again for posting and I look forward to hearing more from you.

Honu

I'm right there with you. Only drinking a lot every night. Today is my new Day 1, again.

Honu

JLiRD808

thanks for all the support...i fell asleep last nite at 1030pm with no problems and its now 630 am and i feel awesome...gonna do my best to keep it up!

thanks everyone!

Anna

Good for you, Jason!

You might try varying your evening routine. It might help to break the habit and make it easier for you to deal with the cravings.