lagrutke

My AS is in a 28 day rehab and has been there for 2 weeks. My husband and I are working on our codependency but seem to be at different spots in our recovery. When I have a problem or need to learn something new, I typically research on line, read books, and get quite involved in whatever it is. My husband tends to let me do the research and reading and then wants me to "tell" him what I have discovered. I'm finding with this codependency issue, that it really involves a lot of soul searching and there is really no step by step instructions on how to behave, if you will. Therefore, I find that I am far ahead of him in recovery and he keeps trying to bring me back into the chaos. I tell him this and then try to show him what he is doing, which is making this quite difficult for me. I guess it helps me reinforce what I need to do to recover, but I find I am getting resentful in that he is not working this through on his own.

Does anyone have any experience in this area with a spouse and how they dealt with this issue?

Thanks,
Kathy

Latte

Oh yes. I finally just told DH where the local Al-Anon meetings were and let him figure it out for himself. He has never gone but I have learned to focus any energy that I put into helping him to helping myself. My recovery has gotten so much better. I think it drives him crazy sometimes but I'm more at peace every day.

Impurrfect

My stepmom is a HUGE codie, and I used to try to explain things, try to point her in another direction.

I finally gave up, as she just doesn't "get it". I have found, though, that the more I work MY codie recovery, she (and even my dad) are picking up on how I handle things and I've seen a little bit of progress.

I truly think OUR recovery eventually wears off on those around us.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

winnie12

Sounds like you're probably the one everyone rallies around - that's a hard burden to bear. Maybe its just harder for him to talk about emotional things. We're all different and we all take things in our own time so try to patient with him. Maybe instead of giving him the answers you could ask him questions that would help him get to the answers himself. When you read something instead of saying i read this and this is what it says - ask him to read something you found interesting and you are curious what he thinks. then you could have an open discussion and discuss both of your ideas.
Everyone is on a different stage in life but maybe your good example will help him discover new things. If he sees steps you are taking repeatedly working then he might just be willing to try your way.

mooselips

Mr. Moose is not a codependent, but, every morning when I read my recovery books, I ask if he would like for me to read outloud, and he always says yes.

So, recovery is being Infused into him, and I can see the difference.