Some lessons learned
member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Some lessons learned
I wrote this a few days ago:
No one brought it up directly, lol, so I'll just rub it in my own face 
I still feel the same way, though I'll go about recovery in a different way. It's always good to tone it down a notch or two. And to work on humility. I think that's ONE of the many lessons I've learned this weekend. Starting this thread is a way to emphazise that.
Lesson #2: I didn't heed my own advice on Friday. I had almost started a new thread, asking for help, but I closed my browser window instead and headed out. Look how well THAT worked out! I just PMed a good SR friend, letting them know my point of view: SR isn't only about cheerleading milestones and encouraging newcomers, us regulars need just as much support. I just hope that idea will sink into my stubborn head once and for all.
Lesson #3: Though I didn't exactly drunk-post and run, the content of my relapse thread surprised me a bit when I re-read it today. It shows that the issues that underly my drinking are much more extended than I initially thought.
Lesson #4: In their individual way, SR folk are unconditional in their support. But that's no excuse to indulge and take it for granted
I'd be really interested to read about the lessons other people have learned through similar experience (and I DO realize that's the whole point of this website
).
Originally Posted by mattcake79 
(blahblahRANTblah)
Alcohol, you can kiss my ***.
If I read this thread and hadn't written it, I'd be thinking "fools rush in where angels fear to tread". I'm no angel though, so you are all most welcome to call me a fool. And, by all means, if I were to relapse at some point, just rub this reckless post in my face. Right now, though, I've had enough.
Alcohol, you can kiss my ***.
If I read this thread and hadn't written it, I'd be thinking "fools rush in where angels fear to tread". I'm no angel though, so you are all most welcome to call me a fool. And, by all means, if I were to relapse at some point, just rub this reckless post in my face. Right now, though, I've had enough.
I still feel the same way, though I'll go about recovery in a different way. It's always good to tone it down a notch or two. And to work on humility. I think that's ONE of the many lessons I've learned this weekend. Starting this thread is a way to emphazise that.Lesson #2: I didn't heed my own advice on Friday. I had almost started a new thread, asking for help, but I closed my browser window instead and headed out. Look how well THAT worked out! I just PMed a good SR friend, letting them know my point of view: SR isn't only about cheerleading milestones and encouraging newcomers, us regulars need just as much support. I just hope that idea will sink into my stubborn head once and for all.
Lesson #3: Though I didn't exactly drunk-post and run, the content of my relapse thread surprised me a bit when I re-read it today. It shows that the issues that underly my drinking are much more extended than I initially thought.
Lesson #4: In their individual way, SR folk are unconditional in their support. But that's no excuse to indulge and take it for granted
I'd be really interested to read about the lessons other people have learned through similar experience (and I DO realize that's the whole point of this website
). 
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by mattcake79
I wrote this a few days ago:
It shows that the issues that underly my drinking are much more extended than I initially thought.
It shows that the issues that underly my drinking are much more extended than I initially thought.
If I did not have blind-spots I would have saw just how poisonous was to me and stayed stopped the first time I quite.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
You know--I've heard it said many times that a relapse is planned long before it happens....even if we are not consciously aware of it. It all begins with listening to that negative thought--and dwelling on it. I know for me--that is what usually happened. I've been struggling here too lately--haven't mentioned it meetings or on here--ecxept in chat maybe once or twice--cause I feel (in my own mind) that I should have my "stuff" together by now. Yes, I have completed the 12 Steps and yes, I am starting to chair meetings.....but I am still an alcoholic/addict>always will be. I am not guaranteed freedom from myself/my addictive personality. All I have is today--and the help of SR and my 12 step programs to help me get through day-to-day without picking up a drink/drug.
My addiction doesn't care that I have worked the Steps all the way through "this time" (finally---for the first time ever). It is waiting for me to let up on my program....which I already have by not sharing how I feel. Sure, I call my sponsor daily and make meetings on a regular basis, but not sharing is what has been killing me on the inside. No one can help you unless they know how you feel--I have heard that said many times--and it is true.
I'm glad you are here Matty and decided to post. Don't beat yourself up on what happened already. Learn from it and try not to repeat the same pattern of behavior. Break the cycle!
Thank you for helping me see in myself where I have fallen short.
And it is true for me--"The truth will set you free.
My addiction doesn't care that I have worked the Steps all the way through "this time" (finally---for the first time ever). It is waiting for me to let up on my program....which I already have by not sharing how I feel. Sure, I call my sponsor daily and make meetings on a regular basis, but not sharing is what has been killing me on the inside. No one can help you unless they know how you feel--I have heard that said many times--and it is true.
I'm glad you are here Matty and decided to post. Don't beat yourself up on what happened already. Learn from it and try not to repeat the same pattern of behavior. Break the cycle!
Thank you for helping me see in myself where I have fallen short.
And it is true for me--"The truth will set you free.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Great thread Matt!
I learned that I could not indulge in the negative voices and go to the dark places in my mind. I wanted to. I wanted to lay in the darkness and the pain and feel sad and sorry, just for a little while. But, I couldn't. Because going to that place, was the beginning of the slippery slope for me.
I learned that I could not indulge in the negative voices and go to the dark places in my mind. I wanted to. I wanted to lay in the darkness and the pain and feel sad and sorry, just for a little while. But, I couldn't. Because going to that place, was the beginning of the slippery slope for me.
"Welcome To The Future..."
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: WV
Posts: 224
Matt,
When I finally logged on here after at least another week's absence, I read what you've been going through. We are great friends and share a special bond that some people never get to experience in life. We are lucky for that, and, yes, I thank God everyday for bringing you and other good friends here into my life at a time when I was lost beyond my control. So maybe, that's why I feel like kicking myself in the a$$. You were on my mind last week in a way that is never a good sign. Now I'm wishing I had taken heed to the warnings and popped in here to give you a word of encouragement. Of course, I also know that you are going to do whatever you want, no matter how much one of us begs you not to. We all make our own decisions, and have to dig out of the consequences on our own--usually feeling like $hit, bawling our eyes out, blaming anything but ourselves, and grasping for a rope that never seems to swing our way.
I think you know where this relapse came from. If you're still struggling with the reasons why, don't worry, you know I'll feel free to tell you my opinion on the matter. You've helped me more times than you can ever know. Your wisdom and insight go above and beyond the normal concept of what friends do for one another. You know I'm always here for you. Remember this always: If I had been there the night you were sitting on the curb with your head in your hands thinking, "it's just you and me now", I would have reached out my hand to you and said "no sweetie, you've got me too."
So my luv, you know what you need to do now. Pick yourself up and start again. It's no secret that in the past few months I had a few rough patches myself. You do whatever you choose to do. I chose to not start over. In my way of thinking, I counted the relapses as part of the process. I know others wish to start over after a relapse, and that is fine too. It's a personal decision, IMO. But most importantly I think all that sober time trumps a couple of relapses. I prefer to say that now I have 6 mo. with a few relapses during that time. So, don't dwell on one mistake when there were months of time that you spent living the sober life. And you know what? You were pretty damn good at it when you were living that way!!!
I miss you & Hope the sun will start shining on you soon!
Love you always,
SP
p.s.: The first snowflakes started flying just a little bit ago! ugh, I already miss warm weather! LOL
When I finally logged on here after at least another week's absence, I read what you've been going through. We are great friends and share a special bond that some people never get to experience in life. We are lucky for that, and, yes, I thank God everyday for bringing you and other good friends here into my life at a time when I was lost beyond my control. So maybe, that's why I feel like kicking myself in the a$$. You were on my mind last week in a way that is never a good sign. Now I'm wishing I had taken heed to the warnings and popped in here to give you a word of encouragement. Of course, I also know that you are going to do whatever you want, no matter how much one of us begs you not to. We all make our own decisions, and have to dig out of the consequences on our own--usually feeling like $hit, bawling our eyes out, blaming anything but ourselves, and grasping for a rope that never seems to swing our way.
I think you know where this relapse came from. If you're still struggling with the reasons why, don't worry, you know I'll feel free to tell you my opinion on the matter. You've helped me more times than you can ever know. Your wisdom and insight go above and beyond the normal concept of what friends do for one another. You know I'm always here for you. Remember this always: If I had been there the night you were sitting on the curb with your head in your hands thinking, "it's just you and me now", I would have reached out my hand to you and said "no sweetie, you've got me too."
So my luv, you know what you need to do now. Pick yourself up and start again. It's no secret that in the past few months I had a few rough patches myself. You do whatever you choose to do. I chose to not start over. In my way of thinking, I counted the relapses as part of the process. I know others wish to start over after a relapse, and that is fine too. It's a personal decision, IMO. But most importantly I think all that sober time trumps a couple of relapses. I prefer to say that now I have 6 mo. with a few relapses during that time. So, don't dwell on one mistake when there were months of time that you spent living the sober life. And you know what? You were pretty damn good at it when you were living that way!!!
I miss you & Hope the sun will start shining on you soon!
Love you always,
SP
p.s.: The first snowflakes started flying just a little bit ago! ugh, I already miss warm weather! LOL
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
