herewego

Question on how to handle this

AH family is a 4 hour drive from our home.
they want ah and our 2 children to come for 4 days.

I will do the driving-always have. Ah will be drinking heavily.

The added problem is that I confided in his family 5 years ago my concerns regarding his drinking and violent temper. They circled the wagons around him and have been a problem for me ever since.

I understand that they cannot face his problem. I ask for no favors, advice, support. Nothing.

However, I will stay put in the hotel and drive ah and kids back and forth.

Is it better to do this and not be present for the snide comments or suck it up and be there.

My boundry is to never see these awful people again as they have critisized and hurt me immensely. They too have been verbal, physical and behind your back talkers as long as I've known them.

laurie6781

You know when I was growing up, that sounds like my Thanksgiving and Christmas, oh and don't forget to add the fights, I hated those two holidays for years.

Not until I found my own recovery from alcoholism did I finally start to understand that those two Holidays could be fun.

So, having said that, why are you subjecting your children to a 4 hr drive each way, AH who will be drinking heavily and his violent temper.

I personally would tell AH with a smile on my face that he can go, the children and I are staying home.

I hope your boundry expands to not let your children be traumatized anymore by this situation with the in-laws.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Mair

Hi Herewego do you have to go?? could your ah go alone?? Why not take you and your kids somewhere where you can relax and enjoy yourself im sure they would enjoy it better, i know mine did they loved it when it was just me and them, children can sense tension and conflict, do what's best for them and you.

Dont feel that you have to do anything you dont want to. Your choices are your own, choose what's best for you and your children.

Gill xxxx

LucyA

I too have a dilemma about the next holidays, Christmas for us in the UK.
Well, I say I have a dilemma, I don't really.
Traditionally we all go to my mums for Christmas dinner, I've only missed one in 42 years and that was because I was ill.
All the family gathers, there used to be so many more of us, grandparents cousins etc.
Last year my brother was staying at my mums, well, I found out since he was staying under my dads orders, this was his first attempt at 'detoxing'
My dad was supposed to be picking up me and my kids, instead they all thought it was ok to let my brother come and pick us up. No one thought to tell me or even ask if it was ok. My bro turned up, parked his car outside my house and waited. He didnt knock on the door, sound the horn or anything. So I waited. He drove off. My mum phoned a bit later and asked why I hadnt let him in or come back with him. I told her that I would never let my kids ride with a drunk driver, ever, no matter who it was. She told me he was ok, he hadnt had a drink all week. My dad eventually picked us up, after I'd said I would get a taxi, and my brother talked about faces he could see coming out of the walls all through dinner.

I used to think my mum would never forgive me if I didn't go there for Christmas.
Today I think, I will never forvive myself if I put my kids through a Chrismas like that again.

We have no plans as yet though, but I might try cooking Christmas dinner myself and invite my parents round for a buffet tea later on. If my brother wants to call to see Joe he'll be welcome (sober)