Day 10...
Day 10...
hi everyone....
i changed up my new wake up pattern a little bit this morning. added something new. but whatever i am here
I have one goal today. to stay clean. i have one goal until furthur notice. everyday for a long time i have to refocus upon my goal of NOT using, my goal of staying clean. i don't care if i look at it from the positive or the negative. from reality or imagination. I have one goal.
the structure of my day right now is a work day...in fact it's going to take up my time this morning because I will be sitting in a class.
you know, i wake up and showered, MEDITATED, read a daily reading and some NA literature....still my mind has noise in it. I wonder what it would be like right now, inside the circus of my mind, if I didn't meditate. it slowly has built into a bit of noise....not too uncomfortable yet, but it is not silent.
and the less silent i am, it seems the furthur away from the spirit of creation that i am. the spirit of creation that exists in this moment right now. I AM THE CREATOR, so to speak. I have the power to choose to do the right thing right now....the creative thing right now....the recovery thing right now...the honest thing right now.....
last night.... i met with my sponsor before a meeting...after we parted to drive seperately to the meeting I stopped and got cigarettes. as I walked in the guy at the counter said "how are you doing?"....without thinking I gave the automatic response of "GOOD"...i mean why not? i was clean, I worked the program hard that day so far, and I had just left from a visit with my sponsor. me. mr. "a sponsor just doesn't work for me".
but I caught myself...and then said to the guy "you know i was just acting like a 'know-it-all", and actually i feel a little crappy, or embarassed"...
well the guy stopped and made a comment about something in which he related to what i said....and then I started feeling MORE connected with the world again. More connected with the ONE. More connected with creatiohn.
so I arrived at the meeting and settled in. my sponsor arrived after me. after all the 12 step rituals it was asked does anyone have a step...after a silence i jumped in and said "well how about the 10th step"...
the reading out of the book really hit me good. I was sorta pressured to talk first by someone, so I accepted the challenge and talked about my being a know-it-all. I felt ok after I talked so I know that i spoke from the heart and not (ironically) from my know-it-all-ness.
anyway ... it feelos good to write. one because it is now part of my morning recovery mode which means that i complete something that is on my list. but also because writing helps me to know how i am feeling. it simply helps me to know what is going on. it helps me to focus. and for now, for me, until furthur notice, my focus is upon Living Clean Today.
i changed up my new wake up pattern a little bit this morning. added something new. but whatever i am here
I have one goal today. to stay clean. i have one goal until furthur notice. everyday for a long time i have to refocus upon my goal of NOT using, my goal of staying clean. i don't care if i look at it from the positive or the negative. from reality or imagination. I have one goal.
the structure of my day right now is a work day...in fact it's going to take up my time this morning because I will be sitting in a class.
you know, i wake up and showered, MEDITATED, read a daily reading and some NA literature....still my mind has noise in it. I wonder what it would be like right now, inside the circus of my mind, if I didn't meditate. it slowly has built into a bit of noise....not too uncomfortable yet, but it is not silent.
and the less silent i am, it seems the furthur away from the spirit of creation that i am. the spirit of creation that exists in this moment right now. I AM THE CREATOR, so to speak. I have the power to choose to do the right thing right now....the creative thing right now....the recovery thing right now...the honest thing right now.....
last night.... i met with my sponsor before a meeting...after we parted to drive seperately to the meeting I stopped and got cigarettes. as I walked in the guy at the counter said "how are you doing?"....without thinking I gave the automatic response of "GOOD"...i mean why not? i was clean, I worked the program hard that day so far, and I had just left from a visit with my sponsor. me. mr. "a sponsor just doesn't work for me".
but I caught myself...and then said to the guy "you know i was just acting like a 'know-it-all", and actually i feel a little crappy, or embarassed"...
well the guy stopped and made a comment about something in which he related to what i said....and then I started feeling MORE connected with the world again. More connected with the ONE. More connected with creatiohn.
so I arrived at the meeting and settled in. my sponsor arrived after me. after all the 12 step rituals it was asked does anyone have a step...after a silence i jumped in and said "well how about the 10th step"...
the reading out of the book really hit me good. I was sorta pressured to talk first by someone, so I accepted the challenge and talked about my being a know-it-all. I felt ok after I talked so I know that i spoke from the heart and not (ironically) from my know-it-all-ness.
anyway ... it feelos good to write. one because it is now part of my morning recovery mode which means that i complete something that is on my list. but also because writing helps me to know how i am feeling. it simply helps me to know what is going on. it helps me to focus. and for now, for me, until furthur notice, my focus is upon Living Clean Today.
2:00 and staying clean.....today i am feeling very good. very comfortable....this may be my last chance to get online today...so i just wanted to say hello
i have a full night of recovery planned for tonight
good luck everyone
i have a full night of recovery planned for tonight
good luck everyone
Congrats on 10 days! I also find meditation life saving... being a fellow "know it all", I find it's really humbling and even a relief? to realize that, in fact, I know nothing. That feeling of connection sure is peaceful.
Keep it going.
It'll be a month, a year, a lifetime before you know it.
It's gonna be great (well not that great) being like 60 years old and realizing that you made such a life altering change in your life before it was too late. Nothing scares me more than the possibility of a future wracked with regret and poor health due to drinking, because then it's too late.
It'll be a month, a year, a lifetime before you know it.
It's gonna be great (well not that great) being like 60 years old and realizing that you made such a life altering change in your life before it was too late. Nothing scares me more than the possibility of a future wracked with regret and poor health due to drinking, because then it's too late.
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