Need Advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Ford City, PA
Posts: 1
Need Advice
Ok here's my story.
Got involved with current boyfriend right after I left my husband. We moved in together and it wasn't til months later that he told me he was an alcoholic. In the beginning he was the picture perfect boyfriend.Over the next couple of months I was physically abused and emotionally abused without realizing that it was happening. He watched my every move, I mean every move. I couldnt talk to any men, cause he always said it could lead to something more. Wasnt allowed to go out without him. He checked my phone everyday to see who I was talking to. When I would tell him I wanted to break up he would threaten to destroy me. As the relationship went on I found out he had bench warrents for his arrest for previous DUIs and not payin child support. Anyways, at the moment he is in rehab, he checked in 2 days ago. I don't think he is doing it for the right reason. This is his 4th time in rehab. So after rehab he has about 2 years of jail time to serve. My problem is I still debate with myself about being with him. I think I've become addicted to trying to help him. Is there really any hope of a normal relationship?
Got involved with current boyfriend right after I left my husband. We moved in together and it wasn't til months later that he told me he was an alcoholic. In the beginning he was the picture perfect boyfriend.Over the next couple of months I was physically abused and emotionally abused without realizing that it was happening. He watched my every move, I mean every move. I couldnt talk to any men, cause he always said it could lead to something more. Wasnt allowed to go out without him. He checked my phone everyday to see who I was talking to. When I would tell him I wanted to break up he would threaten to destroy me. As the relationship went on I found out he had bench warrents for his arrest for previous DUIs and not payin child support. Anyways, at the moment he is in rehab, he checked in 2 days ago. I don't think he is doing it for the right reason. This is his 4th time in rehab. So after rehab he has about 2 years of jail time to serve. My problem is I still debate with myself about being with him. I think I've become addicted to trying to help him. Is there really any hope of a normal relationship?
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Hi Whatever,
Glad you found this site and people with way more experience than me will be along to share their experiences.
Ultimately, only you can decide what's best for you. To help you make that decision, learn more about alcoholism and codependancy. Take time to read the stickies at the top of the forum - there is a lot of hard reading there (made me cry my eyes out) but it really is worth it.
If you can get copies, I recommend Melody Beattie's book Co dependant No More as well as Under the Influence both of which were huge eye openers for me.
You've taken the first steps in finding your happiness by coming here. I'm still on my journey but I have goals in sight that will lead to a happier me, as difficult as it gets now.
Take care of you! :ghug3
Glad you found this site and people with way more experience than me will be along to share their experiences.
Ultimately, only you can decide what's best for you. To help you make that decision, learn more about alcoholism and codependancy. Take time to read the stickies at the top of the forum - there is a lot of hard reading there (made me cry my eyes out) but it really is worth it.
If you can get copies, I recommend Melody Beattie's book Co dependant No More as well as Under the Influence both of which were huge eye openers for me.
You've taken the first steps in finding your happiness by coming here. I'm still on my journey but I have goals in sight that will lead to a happier me, as difficult as it gets now.
Take care of you! :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
Ive never been in your situation, because i just dont have the ability to listen to a man tell me what to do. Trying to control me that way just dont work. Im co-dependant in other ways.
The books would be really good for you to read, i just finished co-dependant no more and it helped me alot.
If you choose to stay with him the abuse is going to get worse. If hes going away to jail for two years then take that opportunity and run like h*ll and dont look back.
everyone makes their own choice, but just educate yourself on alcoholism and co-dependancy and read the stickies at the top before you make any kind of decision, it really does help.
I wish you the best in whatever you do :ghug3
The books would be really good for you to read, i just finished co-dependant no more and it helped me alot.
If you choose to stay with him the abuse is going to get worse. If hes going away to jail for two years then take that opportunity and run like h*ll and dont look back.
everyone makes their own choice, but just educate yourself on alcoholism and co-dependancy and read the stickies at the top before you make any kind of decision, it really does help.
I wish you the best in whatever you do :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Whatever,
Your boyfriend sounds like a classic abuser, not just an alcoholic.
Only you can decide whether you want to ride this bus, but I'd urge you to read this stickie post (they appear at the very top of the forum) and look inside yourself for answers:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sal-abuse.html
Do you really think this is the best you deserve out of life? Is this the kind of relationship you always dreamed of when you were a little girl -- abusive, jealous, threatening, irresponsible? This kind of thing only escalates and can get much, much worse.
Take care of yourself and keep posting.....there's a lot of wisdom on this forum.
Hugs,
GL
Your boyfriend sounds like a classic abuser, not just an alcoholic.
Only you can decide whether you want to ride this bus, but I'd urge you to read this stickie post (they appear at the very top of the forum) and look inside yourself for answers:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sal-abuse.html
Do you really think this is the best you deserve out of life? Is this the kind of relationship you always dreamed of when you were a little girl -- abusive, jealous, threatening, irresponsible? This kind of thing only escalates and can get much, much worse.
Take care of yourself and keep posting.....there's a lot of wisdom on this forum.
Hugs,
GL
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