So very scared
Ph.D in insanity!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
So very scared
The last few weeks I've been having dreams something is wrong with my ah, when I talk to him I can hear death in his voice. He told me today that he called a rehab by me and they do not have beds and he knows to keep calling and one will open. He knows the steps. He knows the numbers to call for help and he said he will do it. I told him I cared deeply for him and didn't want him to die but I could not help him this time. I don't know what possesed me to ask this question but I asked "have you had any seizures?" and he paused like he didn't want to tell me and he said "yes..........two". My heart sank.
I asked "what happend" and he said "my legs shook and my arms shook and my head jerked back and forth" He said "I'm not good" and I said "I know" He said "I don't want to die. I don't want to be like your two best friends....I wanted to be the one that survived this" and I said "maybe you still can"
I am so scared he is too far gone.
This is a very hard time for me. I wish Friday would come and he was in rehab. I hope and pray he makes it. I don't want to bury him. I am not ready for that. I really am not ready for that. My kids have been through so much and they are too little to handle their dad dying.....not like this, not now.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Nightmares fill my head every night. This is what happend to my best friend just before she passed away, I hear it.
I am glad I can come here.
I asked "what happend" and he said "my legs shook and my arms shook and my head jerked back and forth" He said "I'm not good" and I said "I know" He said "I don't want to die. I don't want to be like your two best friends....I wanted to be the one that survived this" and I said "maybe you still can"
I am so scared he is too far gone.
This is a very hard time for me. I wish Friday would come and he was in rehab. I hope and pray he makes it. I don't want to bury him. I am not ready for that. I really am not ready for that. My kids have been through so much and they are too little to handle their dad dying.....not like this, not now.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Nightmares fill my head every night. This is what happend to my best friend just before she passed away, I hear it.
I am glad I can come here.
watching the clouds roll away
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: bliss
Posts: 87
Stubborn -- I am so so so sorry that you have to experience this. I so hope your ah gets the help he needs.
I don't really have much to say except I am sorry. I know the fear you are talking about and what it feels like when that fear is realized.
Before it happens it's like we know they can die from addiction but it doesn't seem real. After someone close to us dies from addiction the possibility seems to turn into a probability, it is perhaps too real.
I will keep you, your AH and your children in my thoughts.
I don't really have much to say except I am sorry. I know the fear you are talking about and what it feels like when that fear is realized.
Before it happens it's like we know they can die from addiction but it doesn't seem real. After someone close to us dies from addiction the possibility seems to turn into a probability, it is perhaps too real.
I will keep you, your AH and your children in my thoughts.
Ph.D in insanity!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
Originally Posted by Janitw 
Hang in there hun......prayers coming your way.
Can he get to an ER facility???
He needs to go ASAP
Can he get to an ER facility???
He needs to go ASAP
He is going into Operation PAR, anyone heard of this? Any results or words on the place? Their site is pretty simple and doesn't say much.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Stubborn, in all likelihood he is seizuring when his blood alcohol level gets below a certain point and his body needs more alcohol.
For me it was .38. Yeah I know that would put a non alcoholic into a coma. Well they know a lot more today than they did back in '81. I would seizure and my heart would stop. They would get it started, give me some more meds and then the seizures would start. This want on all day and at 4:28pm they were putting the TOD on my chart after trying the last time for almost 30 minutes, when my heart started on it's own.
I tell you this, because he has a much better chance today than I did. ER's and Drs are much more aware of what detoxing does to a body and have ways to keep the seizures from happening.
However, he has to want it, more than just words, he has to WANT it. I did want to die sober and at 4pm the previous day put the plug in the jug. The next morning by about 8AM was when I started seizuring with .38. It took 16 hours to get down to that level.
I will pray for his HP to guide him and get him to a medical detox when he is ready.
Love and hugs,
For me it was .38. Yeah I know that would put a non alcoholic into a coma. Well they know a lot more today than they did back in '81. I would seizure and my heart would stop. They would get it started, give me some more meds and then the seizures would start. This want on all day and at 4:28pm they were putting the TOD on my chart after trying the last time for almost 30 minutes, when my heart started on it's own.
I tell you this, because he has a much better chance today than I did. ER's and Drs are much more aware of what detoxing does to a body and have ways to keep the seizures from happening.
However, he has to want it, more than just words, he has to WANT it. I did want to die sober and at 4pm the previous day put the plug in the jug. The next morning by about 8AM was when I started seizuring with .38. It took 16 hours to get down to that level.
I will pray for his HP to guide him and get him to a medical detox when he is ready.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: where there's sun, sea and me
Posts: 38
Hi,
Just lending my support. I know all too well the pain of losing a loved one to addiction and hope that you do not have to through that with your partner. No matter what happens before as a result of the addiction, we still want them to get better.
As you no doubt know, the alcohol withdrawal process can be (medically) serious business but at least it is a step in the right direction.
I honestly believe that once there is life, no matter what the stage, there is hope and therefore hope that he gets any medical supervision he needs and the resolve to maintain his abstinence afterwards.
Prayers for you all.
Q
Just lending my support. I know all too well the pain of losing a loved one to addiction and hope that you do not have to through that with your partner. No matter what happens before as a result of the addiction, we still want them to get better.
As you no doubt know, the alcohol withdrawal process can be (medically) serious business but at least it is a step in the right direction.
I honestly believe that once there is life, no matter what the stage, there is hope and therefore hope that he gets any medical supervision he needs and the resolve to maintain his abstinence afterwards.
Prayers for you all.
Q
Ph.D in insanity!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
Today is the day. I called him at 7:30 and he brought up calling the addiction center for the bed. I'm starting to think this may be for real. It's amazing what backing out does huh? Instead of wondering "why doesn't he quit" I can't help but to think "why now?" Why now am I his best friend? Why does he want to hear my voice now?
The same voice he's hung up on for the last seven years. Why does he want his family back now? All because he's dying? Still alcoholic selfishness I guess. If he does get sober I will give the family another try. When he asks "is there a chance for us" I told him I didn't know and he needed to quit asking. I told him I would be his friend and support him but not help him.
I let him know that while he has been drinking for these years I have educated myself and grown up. I became a responsible adult, a mother, a woman. He never grew past his first alcoholic binge. I let him know it's going to be a scary ride because you can't just get sober and parent three children who he walked out on so he would have to learn life again.
I guess I told him this not to put pressure but to let him know that there is a lot of work he has to do, not only to get sober but to relearn life like a child would.
He sent me long stem roses yesturday with a card that read "you are my best friend, thank you for never giving up on me". It touched my heart but the first place my mind goes is..........it's a another ploy.
I called him and gave him the pat on the back he wanted and told him they were very beautiful. He said "you've done a great job with the kids and I should have done that a long time ago and you deserve them" he told the kids "mommy deserved them, you should do things like that for the one you truely love".
It all sounds so wonderful doesn't it? My mind automatically puts up a red flag like a pirate ship and starts to pull away. I may be his best friend but he is not mine. Right now I am the mother of his children and I understand I am the only one he can talk to. Since we have children to me this is business. I want their father to live. I am prepared for the worst. Today is the day he is to come here to my town and put himself in rehab. I told him I would drive him there if he wanted. I know it can be a scary ride. I'll keep you all up to date.
I could not have gone through these last few weeks without you guys here honestly. You have kept me together when I almost lost it a few times. I swear there are angels that post on this board
Keep the prayers coming. I feel them.
The same voice he's hung up on for the last seven years. Why does he want his family back now? All because he's dying? Still alcoholic selfishness I guess. If he does get sober I will give the family another try. When he asks "is there a chance for us" I told him I didn't know and he needed to quit asking. I told him I would be his friend and support him but not help him.
I let him know that while he has been drinking for these years I have educated myself and grown up. I became a responsible adult, a mother, a woman. He never grew past his first alcoholic binge. I let him know it's going to be a scary ride because you can't just get sober and parent three children who he walked out on so he would have to learn life again.
I guess I told him this not to put pressure but to let him know that there is a lot of work he has to do, not only to get sober but to relearn life like a child would.
He sent me long stem roses yesturday with a card that read "you are my best friend, thank you for never giving up on me". It touched my heart but the first place my mind goes is..........it's a another ploy.
I called him and gave him the pat on the back he wanted and told him they were very beautiful. He said "you've done a great job with the kids and I should have done that a long time ago and you deserve them" he told the kids "mommy deserved them, you should do things like that for the one you truely love".
It all sounds so wonderful doesn't it? My mind automatically puts up a red flag like a pirate ship and starts to pull away. I may be his best friend but he is not mine. Right now I am the mother of his children and I understand I am the only one he can talk to. Since we have children to me this is business. I want their father to live. I am prepared for the worst. Today is the day he is to come here to my town and put himself in rehab. I told him I would drive him there if he wanted. I know it can be a scary ride. I'll keep you all up to date.
I could not have gone through these last few weeks without you guys here honestly. You have kept me together when I almost lost it a few times. I swear there are angels that post on this board
Keep the prayers coming. I feel them.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
It's like jumping into the unknown, wondering what is there waiting for you and how you will cope with whatever happens. Well done up to now, you have been a very strong and determined woman and hold on to that while whatever unfolds does so.
I do so hope all will be well for you and your family.
Have you not only in my prayer but also in those of my prayer group.
I do so hope all will be well for you and your family.
Have you not only in my prayer but also in those of my prayer group.
Ph.D in insanity!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
Originally Posted by Jadmack25
It's like jumping into the unknown, wondering what is there waiting for you and how you will cope with whatever happens. Well done up to now, you have been a very strong and determined woman and hold on to that while whatever unfolds does so.
I do so hope all will be well for you and your family.
Have you not only in my prayer but also in those of my prayer group.
I do so hope all will be well for you and your family.
Have you not only in my prayer but also in those of my prayer group.
Ph.D in insanity!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
As of tonight he is a no show. Can't say I am surprised. I left a message at his job that he was on his own from this point on. I'm not even putting myself out there in way of answering the phone. I told him I considered the roses a good-bye gesture and it is a nice way to end things. If he dies soon enough I'll just bring them to his grave and save a few bucks. lol Sick but at this point I have to find humor somewhere.
I'll keep a look out to retrieve my car from him and return it to the dealership. He's on his own completely
I'll keep a look out to retrieve my car from him and return it to the dealership. He's on his own completely
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