WillsDissolve

I am feeling almost 100% better. No drinks at all. I have been journaling every day, going to a recovery group tonight (called Celebrate Recovery--it's Christian 12-step group. I want to start there because that's my faith.), and facing my emotional pain when it comes with more journaling and talking to my counselor. Headed to counseling tomorrow. I feel really good, barely any pain now in my liver, my pancreas is feeling better, I have been eating healthy and feel like I am a new person.

Here is my fear, though, which is where I always have trouble: When I start feeling good I let my guard down. I forget I have a problem. Not feeling that way currently but I don't want it to creep up on me. Any advice?

getr345

Write down (if you have not already) some of the worst things that have happened or things you have done as a result of alcohol. Keep it with you. When you feel like you have it under control, and the urge to drink returns, read what you wrote and don't drink. That is my advice.

WillsDissolve

Dude I did that already and it has really helped. Nice to know I am on the right track.

Vintersemestre

I know what you mean about feeling good and letting your guard down, I do it all the time. I start telling myself "I'm fine now, I'm going to feel great forever!", but sadly, this is not the case. The saying "This too shall pass" not only applies to negative feelings, but to positive ones as well.

RK2007

WillDissolve, that was my worst problem too - feeling like I was all better and then thinking it was okay to drink again. But it always got harder and harder to stop until eventually I couldn't stop on my own.

getr345's idea is a good one. I also found being on here or trying to be around people who know you want to quit helps when you feel like drinking.

5 days is great, you sound as if you're really doing well.

Vintersemestre

Even with 58 days behind me I'm starting to feel like a veteran who can help people :P Maybe that's just the good in me finally coming out

getr345

I feel like someone who was poisoning himself for years and then one day decided to stop taking the poison because I could finally feel it killing me. Not surprisingly, life without poison is actually better than life with poison.

Vintersemestre

I'm not quite ready to say the same thing yet, as life with the poison at this point seems much more appealing than life without it, but I've stopped for this long for some reason, so why not keep it up eh? : )

getr345

All in good time.

This was me...



On the right.

(although you know, sometimes I was the guy on the left too, like get up and drink more w/ me)

WillsDissolve

I think life without it is unquestionably better. The problem comes when I get pushed by some tough circumstance that causes me anxiety. I had a horrible start to my day today, but I decided to journal and write it out. It worked! I feel great now and I am in a positive headspace. I think one of the keys to staying free from it is learning to self-soothe when you are tested emotionally.

You just have to repeat, "it's going to be ok, there is hope, there is life..."

I am telling myself this more than you all.

NewDayNow

Hi Wills,

I’ve always kept a journal. It has become especially important to me since my sobriety date. I record everything. It’s strange to go back a few months and read my drunken entries. It’s very encouraging to go back just a few weeks and read my sober entries.

I keep a couple of pages tucked in the front of the Journal. On one page I keep a list of the fearful memories that drove me to sobriety. On the other page I keep a list of the things I can be grateful for. I read them every morning. It reminds me.

My early urges to drink were like landmines. I never knew when I would step on one and they were nearly devastating. Now they are more of an occasional longing. I still watch for the landmines.

This is a journey. You can feel good or bad about it. Your choice

Ed

CarolD

I think you are making good progress....

I do use the AA Steps to feel solid in my recovery.
I imagine Celebrate Recovery Steps are similar.
Glad you are going.

WillsDissolve

And I...

Couldn't find the freaking place! Or it was listed wrong on the website. The Church was in a business center and I found the church and the sign, but no cars, no meeting!!

Frustrating, because it took a lot for me to get up the courage. Tomorrow I will hit counseling and then try for another meeting Friday.

I was all ready for a breakthrough tonight (meaning going to my first group meeting)!

I guess this forum will suffice. Thanks to everyone for listening and being interested. It feels good to have a place to come and vent and be honest, even if it's with virtual people. Not that you all aren't real. I just can't...you know, see you.

NewDayNow

You nailed that one,

Getting to real world meetings are a priority for me as well.

Ed