Maybe I gave too much Freedom/Time
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 31
Maybe I gave too much Freedom/Time
O.K. so my A & I have been seperated for 4 months and I have felt he is no closer to recovery now than back then. We have been hanging around each other less & less as time goes on but still keeping contact. He got pretty messed up on Monday, which I had seen his truck at a local hang-out, about 8:30pm I got a call from one of the people he had done work for saying he went to their house drunk, rude, demanding his money and so forth. I did not hear from him until late last night. I wouldn't answer the phone so he came to the house. I went outside and he said will you take me to rehab tomorrow. I said no...you can get their on your own...he has a vehicle. He showed no anger as he always has in the past. He was really different acting. I just shut the door and he left very slowly. I knew something was going on inside of him but wasn't sure what...still don't know. What I do know is today my nephew's girlfriend informed me that she seen my A at a local store drunk. She said a girl came in and threw her arms around him and so forth. Then another girl came in and said he got me drunk. My A has never done anything like this before that I'm aware of...not to mention in our small town. How could he have done this? I always told him I would wait until he decided he needed help...I also always told him if he ever cheated that I would not give 2nd chances. Now I don't know the circumstances of that night but I do know no girl should be hugging on a married man unless something is going on.
I actually feel a sign of relief. I am sad, angry, relieved and so on. What do I say to him? I cannot forgive something like that. I gave him the freedom to be himself and look where it got us. I am in a stupor right now...just numb. Out of everything that could happen in this world I would have never thought this would.
I actually feel a sign of relief. I am sad, angry, relieved and so on. What do I say to him? I cannot forgive something like that. I gave him the freedom to be himself and look where it got us. I am in a stupor right now...just numb. Out of everything that could happen in this world I would have never thought this would.
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
sunshyne
Let me first say that I feel for you sweetie.
I don't know if you read my posts but to make a long story short ......
I detachted with love about 7 month ago when I first found out he had drinking problems and other problems.
Like being a grown man, living at home like he is a teenager, trashing his room and his parents house like he lost his mind.
Than after a few month he met some girl online and according to him he was so in love with her. Never met her or anything. I knew that this online bull is just what it is BULL!
After a few weeks she dumped him and he found out she already had a bf in the state she lived in.
Now when we were together he never cheated on me. He never did what he did now all this online chat stuff.
We have been talking of and on for 7 month. He seems so confused with himself and what he really wants and it shows.
Now he started coming my way again and telling me how much he loves me and that I will be the woman he will marry some day etc etc.
All seemed to go ok, I felt I can give him another chance.
I found out a few days later that he was talking to some little girl in NC. This girl is nothing less than psycho in my eyes because she send him nasty sexual picture of hereself.
She tells him he is the man she loves and can't live without. Now thisis after talking for maybe 10 days online and on the phone.
Than about 2 weeks later I get a message on my service and I know he was in his truck. I inmstantly felt that he had been on his way back from seeing that girl. So he drove from Tx to NC to see some girl that he had just met. SEE THE DYSFUNCTION?
His behavior has gotten worse. He has not changed a bit.
Last week we saw each other. I told him that we had a son that is premature and fighting for his life in nicu.
He told me that he drove to NC. He told me that he laid in bed with this girl and could not touch her because he was thinking of me this is why he called me and told me everything.
I told him that he has to straighten up his ways if he is going to be with us and have a healthy relationships.
My point is this, men act out their pain and frustrations. They do not know any better. So your A's acting out is just what it is an ACT!
They cover up their pain by listening to other women make them look good! After all the "new woman" does not know the real him! That won't last long!
Now yo have to make a choice.
These girls they hang around with are little psychos they just as dysfunctional as they are.
These girls/women do no mean nothing to them because I feel that they do love us. We know them!
I truly believe that A's act out their childhood feelings. A man does not express his feelings like we women do.
They are in pain, they have no selfesteem and they are acting out in thw worst way, hating themselves for doing this because they KNOW it is wrong!
They do not want to hurt us! Do oyu understand what I mean?
So the choice becomes ours, do we stay? do we leave?
He has to want to change and get help the same goes for my ex.
It is so sad to see them like this and there seems to be nothing we can do about it.
All the talking in the world won;t help until they hit rock buttom.
In the meantime please focus on yourself only. Don't worry about what heis doing because it will cause more pain I KNOW!
Last night I sat with my little son , I looked at him so tiny .......he is what life is all about,.
I spend all night being very honest with myself and my situation.
I wrote my ex a letter , holding nothing back this time.
You did not give him to much time! You did the right thing by removing yourself totally out of this bad situation! That is the ONLY WAY that this has a chance to work. As long as you are around this awful drama. No one can heal!
When you remove yourself totally only than can you start healing and step back and look at it for what it really is.
Detaching with love has to be done in sperate places. It does not work any other way.
My choice is this;LIFE! HAPPY! SERENITY!
I don't know if you read my posts but to make a long story short ......
I detachted with love about 7 month ago when I first found out he had drinking problems and other problems.
Like being a grown man, living at home like he is a teenager, trashing his room and his parents house like he lost his mind.
Than after a few month he met some girl online and according to him he was so in love with her. Never met her or anything. I knew that this online bull is just what it is BULL!
After a few weeks she dumped him and he found out she already had a bf in the state she lived in.
Now when we were together he never cheated on me. He never did what he did now all this online chat stuff.
We have been talking of and on for 7 month. He seems so confused with himself and what he really wants and it shows.
Now he started coming my way again and telling me how much he loves me and that I will be the woman he will marry some day etc etc.
All seemed to go ok, I felt I can give him another chance.
I found out a few days later that he was talking to some little girl in NC. This girl is nothing less than psycho in my eyes because she send him nasty sexual picture of hereself.
She tells him he is the man she loves and can't live without. Now thisis after talking for maybe 10 days online and on the phone.
Than about 2 weeks later I get a message on my service and I know he was in his truck. I inmstantly felt that he had been on his way back from seeing that girl. So he drove from Tx to NC to see some girl that he had just met. SEE THE DYSFUNCTION?
His behavior has gotten worse. He has not changed a bit.
Last week we saw each other. I told him that we had a son that is premature and fighting for his life in nicu.
He told me that he drove to NC. He told me that he laid in bed with this girl and could not touch her because he was thinking of me this is why he called me and told me everything.
I told him that he has to straighten up his ways if he is going to be with us and have a healthy relationships.
My point is this, men act out their pain and frustrations. They do not know any better. So your A's acting out is just what it is an ACT!
They cover up their pain by listening to other women make them look good! After all the "new woman" does not know the real him! That won't last long!
Now yo have to make a choice.
These girls they hang around with are little psychos they just as dysfunctional as they are.
These girls/women do no mean nothing to them because I feel that they do love us. We know them!
I truly believe that A's act out their childhood feelings. A man does not express his feelings like we women do.
They are in pain, they have no selfesteem and they are acting out in thw worst way, hating themselves for doing this because they KNOW it is wrong!
They do not want to hurt us! Do oyu understand what I mean?
So the choice becomes ours, do we stay? do we leave?
He has to want to change and get help the same goes for my ex.
It is so sad to see them like this and there seems to be nothing we can do about it.
All the talking in the world won;t help until they hit rock buttom.
In the meantime please focus on yourself only. Don't worry about what heis doing because it will cause more pain I KNOW!
Last night I sat with my little son , I looked at him so tiny .......he is what life is all about,.
I spend all night being very honest with myself and my situation.
I wrote my ex a letter , holding nothing back this time.
You did not give him to much time! You did the right thing by removing yourself totally out of this bad situation! That is the ONLY WAY that this has a chance to work. As long as you are around this awful drama. No one can heal!
When you remove yourself totally only than can you start healing and step back and look at it for what it really is.
Detaching with love has to be done in sperate places. It does not work any other way.
My choice is this;LIFE! HAPPY! SERENITY!
Last edited by prettywoman; 07-23-2003 at 11:25 AM.
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi Sunshyne,
First of all, it sounds like you are already making healthy decisions and show a desire to take care of yourself - many of us have not yet come that far. Give yourself a pat on the back
And having been there myself, I KNOW how hard it is to watch our A's suffer and fly out of control... all we can do is watch. Often we make the decision to leave, secretly hoping that THIS will be the wake-up call they need - THIS will straighten them up. But it doesn't always happen the way we had hoped. The truth is that your A will find recovery only when he is willing; only when he has reached a point of surrender. We can hope and pray that it will come soon... but only he and his HP know when the time is right.
That being said, you are in a good place right now. You are not directly effected by his behavior as he is not living with you; you have space and time to heal - no matter what HE is doing now. Get to some meetings (they help so much), go out on some adventures, visit some friends, honor and reward yourself whenever you can; YOU are capable of being happy and healthy with your own two hands and heart.
Detaching with Love is a tricky one... but it IS possible.
Take care
Meg
First of all, it sounds like you are already making healthy decisions and show a desire to take care of yourself - many of us have not yet come that far. Give yourself a pat on the back
And having been there myself, I KNOW how hard it is to watch our A's suffer and fly out of control... all we can do is watch. Often we make the decision to leave, secretly hoping that THIS will be the wake-up call they need - THIS will straighten them up. But it doesn't always happen the way we had hoped. The truth is that your A will find recovery only when he is willing; only when he has reached a point of surrender. We can hope and pray that it will come soon... but only he and his HP know when the time is right.
That being said, you are in a good place right now. You are not directly effected by his behavior as he is not living with you; you have space and time to heal - no matter what HE is doing now. Get to some meetings (they help so much), go out on some adventures, visit some friends, honor and reward yourself whenever you can; YOU are capable of being happy and healthy with your own two hands and heart.
Detaching with Love is a tricky one... but it IS possible.
Take care
Meg
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern Maryland
Posts: 169
Originally posted by sunshyne
I am in a stupor right now...just numb. Out of everything that could happen in this world I would have never thought this would.
I am in a stupor right now...just numb. Out of everything that could happen in this world I would have never thought this would.
A's don't handle change well. That may be one of the things motivating your A to act out. The rules are changing (or perhaps now being enforced) and he probably doesn't like it much. He's only got one tool up his sleeve to deal with it: alcohol.
You have many healthy tools you can use to deal with your hurt. Posting here is one of them
Keep making good choices for yourself. We never know what the future will bring -- maybe one day this will experience will help you in the future in some way. We don't much like learning things the hard way, but we end up stronger than we were in the beginning.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 31
You all are so right. As I said I don't think I can give a 2nd chance but I will give it time and go through recovery with him if he wishes. I will always care about him and want him as a friend. This is how I feel at this time...I don't think it will change.
He called me yesterday and I had changed my mind and told him if he wanted me to take him to rehab to come to town. He showed up and as we headed to the center he said he hadn't taken care of things...locking things up and so forth. I told him I could do that for him...I'm sure it was a cop out. The night before he said he had all of his things with him but then conveniently they were not with him the next day...yeah right. The thing is he didn't have to contact me again. The night before I had no idea of the incident that I originally posted and at that point told him I didn't want to participate anymore. When he called yesterday I changed my tune...don't know if it was out of love or revenge (the thought of him going into a place and then me dropping him flat does seem sweet). Does this sound like a witch in action...hope so. That's the sick part of me coming out I guess. I try to keep her quiet. HAHA
Anyways, we ended up at the hospital last night because he wouldn't stay at the rehab. He had became angry and threatening in a way. I told him he had to talk to someone about all the ill thoughts he has had. He told them he felt like he had 3 personalities...I did not mention this at all to him it came from him. He told them he had uncontrollable anger. I told them it sometimes became very severe. He told them that he sometimes get's depressed. I tried to stay out of it unless the doctor ask me questions. Get this...they told him if he became suicidal to come back in. Heres the thing...I had just told them that he had taken 40 valiums in the hopes of not ever waking up so he said. He didn't deny it to them he just laughed. When we got back in the car he told me maybe next time he'll try a pistol. He said he was ready for retirement...if ya know what I mean. If the hospital wouldn't help him then I sure don't feel like I can. I have been sick all night and will be until I hear today that he is alive. I have had a major headache since last nigth.
He told the doctor and me that he is going in to a place today. I won't hold my breath but I will pray that may be the case. He also in one breath would act like he wanted me to stand by him and the other he actually stated that he had been more miserable in the last 6 years (with me) than he had ever been in the past. I feel like it is because he is at this stage in his life with the drugs and booze but maybe it is me. I don't understand why he keeps calling. I have not contacted him one time since this last split-up. I have not been to his place checking things out as I would have in the past. I think in that way I've grown alot.
He keeps telling me that if I go to a pshychiatrist that he will go to rehab. I don't deny that I need help with this. Alot of things I have done are very controlling and I had no right..but he had no right to do some of the things he did either. I am beginning with Alanon & this board. Like I told him last night...don't go in for the hope of fixing our relationship but maybe for his next venture in life. That's why I'm working on me.
He called me yesterday and I had changed my mind and told him if he wanted me to take him to rehab to come to town. He showed up and as we headed to the center he said he hadn't taken care of things...locking things up and so forth. I told him I could do that for him...I'm sure it was a cop out. The night before he said he had all of his things with him but then conveniently they were not with him the next day...yeah right. The thing is he didn't have to contact me again. The night before I had no idea of the incident that I originally posted and at that point told him I didn't want to participate anymore. When he called yesterday I changed my tune...don't know if it was out of love or revenge (the thought of him going into a place and then me dropping him flat does seem sweet). Does this sound like a witch in action...hope so. That's the sick part of me coming out I guess. I try to keep her quiet. HAHA
Anyways, we ended up at the hospital last night because he wouldn't stay at the rehab. He had became angry and threatening in a way. I told him he had to talk to someone about all the ill thoughts he has had. He told them he felt like he had 3 personalities...I did not mention this at all to him it came from him. He told them he had uncontrollable anger. I told them it sometimes became very severe. He told them that he sometimes get's depressed. I tried to stay out of it unless the doctor ask me questions. Get this...they told him if he became suicidal to come back in. Heres the thing...I had just told them that he had taken 40 valiums in the hopes of not ever waking up so he said. He didn't deny it to them he just laughed. When we got back in the car he told me maybe next time he'll try a pistol. He said he was ready for retirement...if ya know what I mean. If the hospital wouldn't help him then I sure don't feel like I can. I have been sick all night and will be until I hear today that he is alive. I have had a major headache since last nigth.
He told the doctor and me that he is going in to a place today. I won't hold my breath but I will pray that may be the case. He also in one breath would act like he wanted me to stand by him and the other he actually stated that he had been more miserable in the last 6 years (with me) than he had ever been in the past. I feel like it is because he is at this stage in his life with the drugs and booze but maybe it is me. I don't understand why he keeps calling. I have not contacted him one time since this last split-up. I have not been to his place checking things out as I would have in the past. I think in that way I've grown alot.
He keeps telling me that if I go to a pshychiatrist that he will go to rehab. I don't deny that I need help with this. Alot of things I have done are very controlling and I had no right..but he had no right to do some of the things he did either. I am beginning with Alanon & this board. Like I told him last night...don't go in for the hope of fixing our relationship but maybe for his next venture in life. That's why I'm working on me.
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Sunshyne,
Hi again,
Becareful of the "blame-trap" girl... By telling you that he'll go to rehab IF you go get help is his way of avoiding himself and his disease - and guess who has always been there to take it?
It sounds like he is testing you again... seeing how far you'll go. Driving him to rehab is one thing, running around gathering up his stuff is another; and laughing off his behavior and telling you that YOU need help is yet another thing entirely. Perhaps he is at a point of desperation. He knows that you won't put up with the behavior, but he's worming his way around the situation looking for a way to remain right where he is. I am sure he KNOWS of his addiction, but the thought of surrendering to it, and getting "help" is too scary...
It sounds to me like you ARE getting "help" for yourself. Going to Alanon, reading and coming here to the forum are great ways of learning a happier and healthier way to live. It's a process, just as recovery from Alcoholism and Drugs is... the benefits and serenity will come in time - you have to believe, and be patient. Just don't knock yourself down girl... Let him OWN his disease, and you work on yourself.
Thinking of you
Meg
Hi again,
Becareful of the "blame-trap" girl... By telling you that he'll go to rehab IF you go get help is his way of avoiding himself and his disease - and guess who has always been there to take it?
It sounds like he is testing you again... seeing how far you'll go. Driving him to rehab is one thing, running around gathering up his stuff is another; and laughing off his behavior and telling you that YOU need help is yet another thing entirely. Perhaps he is at a point of desperation. He knows that you won't put up with the behavior, but he's worming his way around the situation looking for a way to remain right where he is. I am sure he KNOWS of his addiction, but the thought of surrendering to it, and getting "help" is too scary...
It sounds to me like you ARE getting "help" for yourself. Going to Alanon, reading and coming here to the forum are great ways of learning a happier and healthier way to live. It's a process, just as recovery from Alcoholism and Drugs is... the benefits and serenity will come in time - you have to believe, and be patient. Just don't knock yourself down girl... Let him OWN his disease, and you work on yourself.
Thinking of you
Meg
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: where I need to be
Posts: 157
Sunshyne,
I agree with Meg. You are not responsible for his choices, his drinking or his happiness. I know how easy it is the start questioning everything about yourself, but don't.
Alcoholism is progressive.
You are doing the right thing~~~detach, take care of yourself.
My AH needed to feel tremendous pain before he sought out and became active in recovery. He has been sober for six months, we remain separated~~~I need to see if he passes the test of time. In the meantime, I'm trying very hard to focus on my own healing.
Take care,
S
I agree with Meg. You are not responsible for his choices, his drinking or his happiness. I know how easy it is the start questioning everything about yourself, but don't.
Alcoholism is progressive.
You are doing the right thing~~~detach, take care of yourself.
My AH needed to feel tremendous pain before he sought out and became active in recovery. He has been sober for six months, we remain separated~~~I need to see if he passes the test of time. In the meantime, I'm trying very hard to focus on my own healing.
Take care,
S
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Hi,
Find some Alanon meetings for yourself and if possible maybe a therapist for awhile you can work out some stuff with.
There is no reason why you should have to be driving him to rehab, when he wants to go he'll get there. He's just playing more games with you.
If you feel he is cheating on you and that is unacceptable (which it is) then "to thine own self be true."
Ngaire
Find some Alanon meetings for yourself and if possible maybe a therapist for awhile you can work out some stuff with.
There is no reason why you should have to be driving him to rehab, when he wants to go he'll get there. He's just playing more games with you.
If you feel he is cheating on you and that is unacceptable (which it is) then "to thine own self be true."
Ngaire
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 31
HE LIED AGAIN
Ngaire...I agree a therapist is definitely what I need. I currently go to 3 Alanon and 1 AA/Alanon meeting a week. The meetings are helpful but I do need more.
My A just called and had no mention of going to rehab today as he had so stated were his plans on yesterday. Waited all day before he called me putting me through pure torture thinking he was dead from self infliction. I said to him I'm glad your o.k. He acted like he didn't have a clue why I'd think otherwise. I'm thinking I'm not the one that said I'll try a pistol next time. He continued to tell me he was just mouthing. Pretty sick mouthing if you ask me.
I am just so angry with that hospital. I even called them today. I told them the advice he was given...the doctor actually gave him an option of out-patient counseling - let me tell you...he's too severe and I'm not just saying that - and just said for the next person I hope you take a little more interest. The thing was with everything I said to the doctor...my A never denied any and even areed to alot. I felt they should have had a mental health expert come down to ER as even the manager said. I told her their was so much more than even what we told them. He does need help. Some of the comments he has made toward people and what he may do in cases that they make him mad are unsettling. It makes me sick to repeat them. I don't understand why they don't scare me away but I guess that's because I know the other side of him. Boy do I need counseling.
I never tell anyone...I don't know what I'd do if he ever acted on any of them.
My A just called and had no mention of going to rehab today as he had so stated were his plans on yesterday. Waited all day before he called me putting me through pure torture thinking he was dead from self infliction. I said to him I'm glad your o.k. He acted like he didn't have a clue why I'd think otherwise. I'm thinking I'm not the one that said I'll try a pistol next time. He continued to tell me he was just mouthing. Pretty sick mouthing if you ask me.
I am just so angry with that hospital. I even called them today. I told them the advice he was given...the doctor actually gave him an option of out-patient counseling - let me tell you...he's too severe and I'm not just saying that - and just said for the next person I hope you take a little more interest. The thing was with everything I said to the doctor...my A never denied any and even areed to alot. I felt they should have had a mental health expert come down to ER as even the manager said. I told her their was so much more than even what we told them. He does need help. Some of the comments he has made toward people and what he may do in cases that they make him mad are unsettling. It makes me sick to repeat them. I don't understand why they don't scare me away but I guess that's because I know the other side of him. Boy do I need counseling.
I never tell anyone...I don't know what I'd do if he ever acted on any of them.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Hi Sunshyne,
Do you think at this point in time you are able to do some brutal alanon detaching from him?
I t sounds to me like he's just screwing around with you and it's you who is suffering. You don't deserve to be suffering.
It's lucky for you, you are in a recovery program while you are going through this.
Ngaire
Do you think at this point in time you are able to do some brutal alanon detaching from him?
I t sounds to me like he's just screwing around with you and it's you who is suffering. You don't deserve to be suffering.
It's lucky for you, you are in a recovery program while you are going through this.
Ngaire
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 31
Ngaire...I think your right. I think I'm just the only one he knows he can depend on and now that that's changing he don't know how to accept it.
I took my A to rehab on Sunday after he wrecked his truck (2nd wreck in 3 weeks). I didn't say anything to him except "Good Luck". He called me on Monday and we agreed to just try the detox (8 days) first. He called me Monday evening and said he checked himself out. Get this...60 miles from home...8 dollars to his name (which I gave him)...and he knew there was noone he knew that would pick him up. Here's where I think I've come along way. I did not go pick him up. Seems like he called from every phone booth and ask if I could come and get him. At least 15 times. He did make it to town about 5 hours later. I didn't feel bad...and stayed out of a bad situation. Now he's asking me to take him again to one that was 2 blocks from the one he just left. My thoughts were if you really wanted to go you would have walked the 2 blocks and not toward home.
I still got a long way to go but I am stepping forward I think.
I took my A to rehab on Sunday after he wrecked his truck (2nd wreck in 3 weeks). I didn't say anything to him except "Good Luck". He called me on Monday and we agreed to just try the detox (8 days) first. He called me Monday evening and said he checked himself out. Get this...60 miles from home...8 dollars to his name (which I gave him)...and he knew there was noone he knew that would pick him up. Here's where I think I've come along way. I did not go pick him up. Seems like he called from every phone booth and ask if I could come and get him. At least 15 times. He did make it to town about 5 hours later. I didn't feel bad...and stayed out of a bad situation. Now he's asking me to take him again to one that was 2 blocks from the one he just left. My thoughts were if you really wanted to go you would have walked the 2 blocks and not toward home.
I still got a long way to go but I am stepping forward I think.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Sunshyne
Hang in there girl - you're doing okay.
The less you help him (we call that kind of help enabling) the sooner he will do what he needs to do.
He's stalling, manipulating and using you to avoid facing recovery....and he may not be ready yet, in which case this would just continue until the roller coaster ride drives you crazy.
The hardest thing I ever did (and also the kindest) for my son was to let go and not let him come home. He spent much of the winter on the street (and we had one cold brutal winter) and made a few small futile attempts to detox and get himself okay, but today he is in a long term recovery program, in his 4th week and doing well, one day at a time. I can only pray that this time he will be able to hang on to it.
My point is, that letting go allows them to pay the consequences of their actions and to learn to take responsibility for themselves. They know where help is and they can find it when they are ready, as long as people like you and I just take a giant step back and tell them that actions speak louder than words.
Sending hugs, and prayers that you can find the strength to set him free, which in turn will set you free.
Hugs
Ann
Hang in there girl - you're doing okay.
The less you help him (we call that kind of help enabling) the sooner he will do what he needs to do.
He's stalling, manipulating and using you to avoid facing recovery....and he may not be ready yet, in which case this would just continue until the roller coaster ride drives you crazy.
The hardest thing I ever did (and also the kindest) for my son was to let go and not let him come home. He spent much of the winter on the street (and we had one cold brutal winter) and made a few small futile attempts to detox and get himself okay, but today he is in a long term recovery program, in his 4th week and doing well, one day at a time. I can only pray that this time he will be able to hang on to it.
My point is, that letting go allows them to pay the consequences of their actions and to learn to take responsibility for themselves. They know where help is and they can find it when they are ready, as long as people like you and I just take a giant step back and tell them that actions speak louder than words.
Sending hugs, and prayers that you can find the strength to set him free, which in turn will set you free.
Hugs
Ann
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