Need help
Ph.D in insanity!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
Need help
I'm at a loss on what I should do. A month ago my ah truck broke so thinking he would continue to pay the bills and keep me and the kids afloat I put the car in my name. Now he is not making the money and the money he does get he is keeping. He's no longer paying the mortgage (month behind), no bills and no car payment.
Should I call and have the car reported stolen since it's all in my name? I know where it's at. It's two hours away from me so I can not go get it. I have the kids in school and no one to go with me.
I have left threatening messages on their phone that I would report it stolen and hopefully he would pay the water and the electric but no reply. He's being the biggest a**.
There are NO jobs where I live at all. I've tried and he knows this. So he's playing the money card on me.
I had the divorce papers ready to go and when he saw the kids a month ago he stole them! I don't have $6.00 to go buy new ones. Or the gas to get there and back.
What the frig kind of man does this to three kids? I can see him hating me because I stand in the way of his alcoholism but them?
I need to know what I should do.
If the water and electric gets shut off I'm pretty much screwed.
Here you have to have a permit for a yard sale and I honestly can not afford ten dollars to buy it. Maybe I am not thinking clearly as to what to do.
Should I call and have the car reported stolen since it's all in my name? I know where it's at. It's two hours away from me so I can not go get it. I have the kids in school and no one to go with me.
I have left threatening messages on their phone that I would report it stolen and hopefully he would pay the water and the electric but no reply. He's being the biggest a**.
There are NO jobs where I live at all. I've tried and he knows this. So he's playing the money card on me.
I had the divorce papers ready to go and when he saw the kids a month ago he stole them! I don't have $6.00 to go buy new ones. Or the gas to get there and back.
What the frig kind of man does this to three kids? I can see him hating me because I stand in the way of his alcoholism but them?
I need to know what I should do.
If the water and electric gets shut off I'm pretty much screwed.
Here you have to have a permit for a yard sale and I honestly can not afford ten dollars to buy it. Maybe I am not thinking clearly as to what to do.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Well stubborn -
sounds like a mess! only way out is through, so maybe start by making a priority list. That's what I did whenever I was broke and the electric was threatening to shut off.
First I made pre-emptive calls to the utilities. I explained my situation, told them I was working on it and set up a plan (sometimes it was just a date farther down the month that would buy me some time to think).
Is the truck yours? Then by all means go and get it. That's an assett that you can sell. Don't delay. Each day you are behind another day with these bills it gets harder to stave off disconnection.
It's Ok for the kids to miss a day of school! If babysitting is holding you back in going to get that assett then you don't have much choice. But are you sure there are no Moms in your kids classes who would take your kids for a few hours after school if that's what you need?
It wasn't always comfortable for me to ask for and ACCEPT help, but it was either that or stay stuck.. I had to humble myself and reach out at some point and then accept what was offered to me -- as imperfect as I may have found it! But it was REALITY.
Can you borrow ten dollars from a neighbor to have a yard sale? Or go talk to the town permit clerk-- explain your situation and tell them you will pay for the permit the day after the sale!! People everywhere are usually so very helpful if you open up to them and ASK for help! You know you would lend a hand to someone so give others the chance to do the same for you!
Bigger picture is long term. It was a struggle for me to get back to work. Juggling the childcare and the car issues and how to continue to run the household etc. It was quite a burden. But what choice did I have? I will no longer be dependent on anyone else for my financial stability. My ex-H ruined our finances and used all the money I gave him so freely (carelessly) for nothing but his own personal gain. Never again.
Because at the beginning it was simply lack of money that was my biggest problem, I took every odd job available to me. Babysitting, pet-sitting, p/t office work, temp work, tutoring, salesgirl, production assistant (all jobs that I felt way too old for!! but I humbled myself!) and then worked my way back up the ladder in my old field and made enough money to get my rear end back to school so I can have a solid career from now on.
It takes a long time. But those years are going to go by anyway!! I kept waking up a YEAR later IN the same place realizing that my fear of doing something that would take a long time to accomplish was keeping me stuck, and the time was going by anyway.
Anyway-- long - sorry- but I finally got serious and made a plan. As I've stuck to my plan many hands seem to come along at just the right moment to help - but not until I got up off my duff and got moving myself!! Start small. You are smart - treat this like a business - make a plan then execute the plan...then just keep doing the next right thing.
You are not trapped. You can do this. It just means more change than maybe you had anticipated!!
There's a reason many of us are afraid to leave our bad relationships - because we fear how hard it will be. Well yes, it is hard, but certainly not impossible, certainly worth it, and even in all the difficulty - no where near as painful or anxious as waiting for my ex to send me some money!!!
Peace-
B.
sounds like a mess! only way out is through, so maybe start by making a priority list. That's what I did whenever I was broke and the electric was threatening to shut off.
First I made pre-emptive calls to the utilities. I explained my situation, told them I was working on it and set up a plan (sometimes it was just a date farther down the month that would buy me some time to think).
Is the truck yours? Then by all means go and get it. That's an assett that you can sell. Don't delay. Each day you are behind another day with these bills it gets harder to stave off disconnection.
It's Ok for the kids to miss a day of school! If babysitting is holding you back in going to get that assett then you don't have much choice. But are you sure there are no Moms in your kids classes who would take your kids for a few hours after school if that's what you need?
It wasn't always comfortable for me to ask for and ACCEPT help, but it was either that or stay stuck.. I had to humble myself and reach out at some point and then accept what was offered to me -- as imperfect as I may have found it! But it was REALITY.
Can you borrow ten dollars from a neighbor to have a yard sale? Or go talk to the town permit clerk-- explain your situation and tell them you will pay for the permit the day after the sale!! People everywhere are usually so very helpful if you open up to them and ASK for help! You know you would lend a hand to someone so give others the chance to do the same for you!
Bigger picture is long term. It was a struggle for me to get back to work. Juggling the childcare and the car issues and how to continue to run the household etc. It was quite a burden. But what choice did I have? I will no longer be dependent on anyone else for my financial stability. My ex-H ruined our finances and used all the money I gave him so freely (carelessly) for nothing but his own personal gain. Never again.
Because at the beginning it was simply lack of money that was my biggest problem, I took every odd job available to me. Babysitting, pet-sitting, p/t office work, temp work, tutoring, salesgirl, production assistant (all jobs that I felt way too old for!! but I humbled myself!) and then worked my way back up the ladder in my old field and made enough money to get my rear end back to school so I can have a solid career from now on.
It takes a long time. But those years are going to go by anyway!! I kept waking up a YEAR later IN the same place realizing that my fear of doing something that would take a long time to accomplish was keeping me stuck, and the time was going by anyway.
Anyway-- long - sorry- but I finally got serious and made a plan. As I've stuck to my plan many hands seem to come along at just the right moment to help - but not until I got up off my duff and got moving myself!! Start small. You are smart - treat this like a business - make a plan then execute the plan...then just keep doing the next right thing.
You are not trapped. You can do this. It just means more change than maybe you had anticipated!!
There's a reason many of us are afraid to leave our bad relationships - because we fear how hard it will be. Well yes, it is hard, but certainly not impossible, certainly worth it, and even in all the difficulty - no where near as painful or anxious as waiting for my ex to send me some money!!!
Peace-
B.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
By far the best remedy I found was to stop relying on others to solve my problems and learn to support and depend on myself.
With the current economy it's tougher to find jobs, but there are plenty of jobs available. And while initially I might think they're not the ideal job for me or the location is not ideal, anytime I'm bringing in money as opposed to having none I'm taking care of myself and my responsibilities and I'm no longer playing the role of victim.
I've also come to realize that making a deal with an active addict is like making a deal with the devil. Both are out to get something over on you, and neither can be trusted.
When I'm stuck in a bad place, action is the answer.
With the current economy it's tougher to find jobs, but there are plenty of jobs available. And while initially I might think they're not the ideal job for me or the location is not ideal, anytime I'm bringing in money as opposed to having none I'm taking care of myself and my responsibilities and I'm no longer playing the role of victim.
I've also come to realize that making a deal with an active addict is like making a deal with the devil. Both are out to get something over on you, and neither can be trusted.
When I'm stuck in a bad place, action is the answer.
Ph.D in insanity!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
Thank you. It's tough to pay $30 a day in daycare and actually be bringing money in. My neighbor has her own crisis and I wouldn't dare ask for $10 but good idea. I'll find a way.
He just called me and said "hope you're happy, now we don't have any income". I called the Dr he worked for and told him I would report him to the IRS for employing ah under the table. I can't say I feel bad about it. It's business now.
I will get my hands on the car.
The truck is in both of our names and isn't running. I would have to have it towed. I would sell it if I could get it towed. The car hasn't had any payments made so far so I can't sell it. Just screw up my credit.
I hate not knowing where he's at. It's like watching my back. He's so sick that it's all MY fault. Idiot.
He just called me and said "hope you're happy, now we don't have any income". I called the Dr he worked for and told him I would report him to the IRS for employing ah under the table. I can't say I feel bad about it. It's business now.
I will get my hands on the car.
The truck is in both of our names and isn't running. I would have to have it towed. I would sell it if I could get it towed. The car hasn't had any payments made so far so I can't sell it. Just screw up my credit.
I hate not knowing where he's at. It's like watching my back. He's so sick that it's all MY fault. Idiot.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I've learned to ask for what I need. If I don't ask, I don't receive. I raised my daughter on my own. I was making $11K a year when she was born. Fifty percent of my meager wages went to pay her daycare, but it allowed me to work and earn money. Somehow I managed to take care of both of us on the remaining $6.5K a year.
It was tough, but I persevered and eventually we thrived. Today I earn a six-figure salary and live a comfortable life on a high-school education. I never received one penny of child support from my daughter's father. How did I achieve that?
Because I believed I could and I found a way. I'm certain you'll find a way, too, once you stop focusing on what your partner is doing and focus solely on yourself. So what actions can you take to point yourself in the right direction?
It was tough, but I persevered and eventually we thrived. Today I earn a six-figure salary and live a comfortable life on a high-school education. I never received one penny of child support from my daughter's father. How did I achieve that?
Because I believed I could and I found a way. I'm certain you'll find a way, too, once you stop focusing on what your partner is doing and focus solely on yourself. So what actions can you take to point yourself in the right direction?
Ph.D in insanity!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
Originally Posted by denny57 
I'd pick it up on one of the days the kids aren't in school.
I am pretty sure I could do it if I only had one child, it's much more difficult having three children. I'll guess we'll find out if I can do it or not. Thanks again.
Ph.D in insanity!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
I don't need a loan company.....lol I already have a loan on the car. It's a buy here pay here car lot. They finance themselves. I'm screwed. Sadly in Florida I don't get choices. My name on the contract, my responsibility. Wish he would put this much effort into his children.
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