Was I wrong here?
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Was I wrong here?
Things seemed to have been rolling along pretty good I thought. Daughter clean for the last 41/2 months.
The other day I told her because of her debt with not only me but the world that I knew how much she wanted a cell phone but please to square herself away with the bank first so she could get her checking account back. She owes then about $800.00 still. I said this because if something happens to me you are dead in the water with no credit, no money, no checking account.
I guess I was talking and she just says yes I know. I asked that she just wait a few more checks. She acted like she knew it was important.
Yesterday she went to work to go get her check. She works nights at a hospital 3-11 pm. I mentioned it was a long trip why didn't she wait till she went to work tonight but no she wanted to go. She came back a few hours later and I said to her her BF called, with that she walked in the closet and said yes I know I called him on my new phone! My heart sank, I said I hope your kidding we just discussed this the other day. Attitude came on big time with her. You discussed it I wanted a phone it was only $200.00 there is money left for the bills and looked at me like I was stupid. ( I me4an she had this planned obviously)
I stated crying and got upset but what about my car your using, the oil, the handles you have broken all off, your checking account let alone everything else you owe. I am strapped because I (we) are paying off all my credit cards that you maxed up.She is paying them slowly thru me. What the F is wrong with your thinking.
Well she started screaming yelling cursing just like the old days and I lost it and told her she needed to get out and find her own way to work if that was how she was thinking.
It turned into an ugly thing and all she could say is how will I get to work. Her car had no insurance and we turned the plates over as she couldn't buy insurance and we were trying to pay other debts off before we got the car back.Stupid me for thinking I was helping. Anyway I told her to ask her friends that she had to call on her cell (one) and have him take her.
She called her sister screaming and ranting I threw her out because she got a phone and wasn't going to let her have my car to go to work. I was sitting there lisening to her rant like I am the bad guy. So I came in and said why don't you tell her that you have other obligations we discussed before you got a phone and you just just went out and did what you wanted and I suppose drugs will be next and I left.
I had a dr, appt, when I came home the guard told me she called a cab and left with a couple suitcases.She is off on the week ends so I think she is at her bf, some of her stuff is gone but not much just an anger pack of immediate things.
I have been hysterical with this. I mean she isn't 18, she is an adult woman acting like a kid to me.
I gave her a roof, my car, my love trying to help herhelp herself to get out of the mess she got herself into and pay me back and everyone else. She could never do it paying $800.00 rent someplace else now. I thought it was a fair exchange plus I needed physical help with being in a wheelchair still.
i can't sleep, I can't see straight with all this. I have sat here wondering how the hell anyone can be so selfish. Can a phone mean that much to her to anyone?
I don't see where she has been doing drugs,unless someone gives them to her free. But she hasn't been nasty or mean like when she did that till yesterday and I am not sure if she was just angry as hell which to me was way out of line for both of us over a phone? A F phone.
So here I am left holding the bag I can't carry. I just can't do it I can't believe this. I am going to lose everything
Thi s sounds so dumb over a phone. There are plenty of things I would love to buy myself like perfume or get my hair done or buy a new shirt. But I guess I know better. Dumb me.
Sorry this is so long I just don't know what to do now, I don't know what to expect and emotionally I can't handle all this.
Please understand when I say we were paying her bills, I mean she has been giving me money for them but before she was working I was paying on them to keep my credit. She was paying her way not like befor, just there is soooo much debt she made. Oh god I want to vanish from all this.
The other day I told her because of her debt with not only me but the world that I knew how much she wanted a cell phone but please to square herself away with the bank first so she could get her checking account back. She owes then about $800.00 still. I said this because if something happens to me you are dead in the water with no credit, no money, no checking account.
I guess I was talking and she just says yes I know. I asked that she just wait a few more checks. She acted like she knew it was important.
Yesterday she went to work to go get her check. She works nights at a hospital 3-11 pm. I mentioned it was a long trip why didn't she wait till she went to work tonight but no she wanted to go. She came back a few hours later and I said to her her BF called, with that she walked in the closet and said yes I know I called him on my new phone! My heart sank, I said I hope your kidding we just discussed this the other day. Attitude came on big time with her. You discussed it I wanted a phone it was only $200.00 there is money left for the bills and looked at me like I was stupid. ( I me4an she had this planned obviously)
I stated crying and got upset but what about my car your using, the oil, the handles you have broken all off, your checking account let alone everything else you owe. I am strapped because I (we) are paying off all my credit cards that you maxed up.She is paying them slowly thru me. What the F is wrong with your thinking.
Well she started screaming yelling cursing just like the old days and I lost it and told her she needed to get out and find her own way to work if that was how she was thinking.
It turned into an ugly thing and all she could say is how will I get to work. Her car had no insurance and we turned the plates over as she couldn't buy insurance and we were trying to pay other debts off before we got the car back.Stupid me for thinking I was helping. Anyway I told her to ask her friends that she had to call on her cell (one) and have him take her.
She called her sister screaming and ranting I threw her out because she got a phone and wasn't going to let her have my car to go to work. I was sitting there lisening to her rant like I am the bad guy. So I came in and said why don't you tell her that you have other obligations we discussed before you got a phone and you just just went out and did what you wanted and I suppose drugs will be next and I left.
I had a dr, appt, when I came home the guard told me she called a cab and left with a couple suitcases.She is off on the week ends so I think she is at her bf, some of her stuff is gone but not much just an anger pack of immediate things.
I have been hysterical with this. I mean she isn't 18, she is an adult woman acting like a kid to me.
I gave her a roof, my car, my love trying to help herhelp herself to get out of the mess she got herself into and pay me back and everyone else. She could never do it paying $800.00 rent someplace else now. I thought it was a fair exchange plus I needed physical help with being in a wheelchair still.
i can't sleep, I can't see straight with all this. I have sat here wondering how the hell anyone can be so selfish. Can a phone mean that much to her to anyone?
I don't see where she has been doing drugs,unless someone gives them to her free. But she hasn't been nasty or mean like when she did that till yesterday and I am not sure if she was just angry as hell which to me was way out of line for both of us over a phone? A F phone.
So here I am left holding the bag I can't carry. I just can't do it I can't believe this. I am going to lose everything
Thi s sounds so dumb over a phone. There are plenty of things I would love to buy myself like perfume or get my hair done or buy a new shirt. But I guess I know better. Dumb me.
Sorry this is so long I just don't know what to do now, I don't know what to expect and emotionally I can't handle all this.
Please understand when I say we were paying her bills, I mean she has been giving me money for them but before she was working I was paying on them to keep my credit. She was paying her way not like befor, just there is soooo much debt she made. Oh god I want to vanish from all this.
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(((Beegee)))
Sorry for your rough night.
My situation is similar but different. I have $1000's of debt, but it is all in MY name. When I relapsed, dad did fork out some money to cover bad checks, my car payment, etc. but I went right back to work. I was paying him back, as fast as I could. My cell phone and laptop were stolen during my week-long relapse.
I'm on dad's phone plan, as Verizon is one I still owe money to. I was using his 2nd cell phone, then bought one from a guy at work for $40. I drive 40 miles, one way to work, on 3rd shift, so a cell phone is pretty important in case I have car trouble. My dad also likes me to have one because he can call me at any time. One of the biggest indicators of me using was I stopped answering the cell phone.
When I had paid him off about half what I owed, he decided I needed a laptop (I was lurking on SR all the time on his and telling him how great everyone was). He put it on his credit card, but I paid it off, along with the rest of what I owed him in 2 months.
My take, on your daughter, is....she's been clean and she has been paying on bills. You suggested she not get a cell phone, for good reasons, but it was not a boundary that she couldn't get one.
I totally understand your feelings...that $200 would have been better off paying off her debt, and you're right. On the other hand, we RA's want to get some feeling of getting our life back when we've got a little time in recovery. A cell phone was a huge thing to me, because I never had one when I was using (spent every cent on crack). I pay the bills for the phone.
As long as she continues working and paying bills, I would just let this go. She made a decision you don't agree with, but I don't see that she's crossed a boundary.
This is just my opinion, and I really do understand your point of view, but I also understand hers. I, personally, would have gotten a cheaper cell phone, but then I'm older and a gazillion dollars in debt.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Sorry for your rough night.
My situation is similar but different. I have $1000's of debt, but it is all in MY name. When I relapsed, dad did fork out some money to cover bad checks, my car payment, etc. but I went right back to work. I was paying him back, as fast as I could. My cell phone and laptop were stolen during my week-long relapse.
I'm on dad's phone plan, as Verizon is one I still owe money to. I was using his 2nd cell phone, then bought one from a guy at work for $40. I drive 40 miles, one way to work, on 3rd shift, so a cell phone is pretty important in case I have car trouble. My dad also likes me to have one because he can call me at any time. One of the biggest indicators of me using was I stopped answering the cell phone.
When I had paid him off about half what I owed, he decided I needed a laptop (I was lurking on SR all the time on his and telling him how great everyone was). He put it on his credit card, but I paid it off, along with the rest of what I owed him in 2 months.
My take, on your daughter, is....she's been clean and she has been paying on bills. You suggested she not get a cell phone, for good reasons, but it was not a boundary that she couldn't get one.
I totally understand your feelings...that $200 would have been better off paying off her debt, and you're right. On the other hand, we RA's want to get some feeling of getting our life back when we've got a little time in recovery. A cell phone was a huge thing to me, because I never had one when I was using (spent every cent on crack). I pay the bills for the phone.
As long as she continues working and paying bills, I would just let this go. She made a decision you don't agree with, but I don't see that she's crossed a boundary.
This is just my opinion, and I really do understand your point of view, but I also understand hers. I, personally, would have gotten a cheaper cell phone, but then I'm older and a gazillion dollars in debt.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Beegee, I'm sorry and I can understand a bit of your frustration. I know for me, early recovery and living with it was in some ways more difficult than living with active addiction. Well maybe not more difficult - just a different set of challenges.
One thing I found was I was getting very upset and frustrated because I was trying to control my daughter's recovery. I knew what in my mind was the "right" way to do it and I would get resentful when she didn't follow my plan. I think my way would have been easier (because despite all the resentments and frustrations and anger, ultimately I wanted to fix her and make her life easier) but it took me awhile to work through the idea that in recovery too, I had to let her find her own way and I shouldn't rob her of the chance to both suffer consequences and feel proud of her achievements. I had to let go and realize her HP was helping her find her way in her own personal journey.
I think letting go is very hard to do when sitting in the front row. I know for me I am much less involved with my older daughter's day to day decisions in her recovery since she is out of the house. I can chose to not look at her choices and let her make her way. And so far, that has really helped both of us. Her choices are not "perfect" but then neither are mine...But our relationship is healthier since I try to stick to my side of the block.
I imagine you feel upset and angry at the way this played out...I imagine it was bound to explode a bit with building resentments on both sides. I try not to think in terms of right and wrong and try hard not to look back for too long. I think this is a good opportunity for both of you to re-establish some healthy boundaries. As the dust settles and the emotions are less raw, I am sure there will be a positive to come out of this. Many hugs
One thing I found was I was getting very upset and frustrated because I was trying to control my daughter's recovery. I knew what in my mind was the "right" way to do it and I would get resentful when she didn't follow my plan. I think my way would have been easier (because despite all the resentments and frustrations and anger, ultimately I wanted to fix her and make her life easier) but it took me awhile to work through the idea that in recovery too, I had to let her find her own way and I shouldn't rob her of the chance to both suffer consequences and feel proud of her achievements. I had to let go and realize her HP was helping her find her way in her own personal journey.
I think letting go is very hard to do when sitting in the front row. I know for me I am much less involved with my older daughter's day to day decisions in her recovery since she is out of the house. I can chose to not look at her choices and let her make her way. And so far, that has really helped both of us. Her choices are not "perfect" but then neither are mine...But our relationship is healthier since I try to stick to my side of the block.
I imagine you feel upset and angry at the way this played out...I imagine it was bound to explode a bit with building resentments on both sides. I try not to think in terms of right and wrong and try hard not to look back for too long. I think this is a good opportunity for both of you to re-establish some healthy boundaries. As the dust settles and the emotions are less raw, I am sure there will be a positive to come out of this. Many hugs
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When my daughter came back to live with us, her plan was to get out of debt and then go to college next fall. Well her plans changed and now she is living with her boyfriend and trying to pay her debts and living expenses. She has about $8,000 in collections. I have been in the same position of paying off her debts in the past to keep my credit good. This time she is on her own. I know that it does not seem like it now, but her moving is probably the best for both of you. It is so hard to see them doing selfish things and it does create a lot of resentment on both parts. You feel angry that she is just thinking of herself and she feels controlled. What I have learned is that I can never count on my daughter. I need to do things for myself. I have given up the thought of ever getting money back from her. Right now I know that is not possible. Your daughter is going to do what she is going to do. The things she is doing might lead her back to drugs or they might lead her to independence. Either way the choices are hers. I believe that God gave me a lesson and that lesson is to take care of myself, protect myself, and to learn to say no. I am sorry that she left when you really needed her to be there. Hugs, Marle
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Beegee,
I don't think you were wrong at all, but I found when I tried to control my son's every move, I was the one who ended up upset and frustrated.
Maybe you could set up a firm amount she is to pay monthly, and allow her to budget what she has left for things she thinks she needs. This gets you paid back over time, and allows her to gain her independence.
I tried and tried to be my son's warden...and almost lost my mind in the process. I finally hung up the keys, laid down some ground rules that I could live with, and left his life to him.
It really didn't "fix" anything, but it took me out of the circus.
Wishing you peace
(((Hugs)))
I don't think you were wrong at all, but I found when I tried to control my son's every move, I was the one who ended up upset and frustrated.
Maybe you could set up a firm amount she is to pay monthly, and allow her to budget what she has left for things she thinks she needs. This gets you paid back over time, and allows her to gain her independence.
I tried and tried to be my son's warden...and almost lost my mind in the process. I finally hung up the keys, laid down some ground rules that I could live with, and left his life to him.
It really didn't "fix" anything, but it took me out of the circus.
Wishing you peace
(((Hugs)))
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Join Date: Feb 2006
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I also wanted to tell you the things that I do do for my daughter. When she was in the halfway house, I added a phone for her to my plan because it was cheaper than calling cards. I agreed to pay for it for a year. I also pay for her Suboxone and the doctor. I will give her rides to work when her boyfriend is working. Those to me are positive things to help with her recovery. But I won't pay her rent or her bills. Those are hers to own. I feel comfortable with the things that I am doing. So far she has not abused the phone. She is still taking the Suboxone as she should. And she only asks for rides when she can't get there any other way. If things change with her, I know that I can change my mind. Hugs, Marle
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Join Date: Jun 2008
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Thank you all,
I guess your all pretty much saying the same thing and I see that she has her rights also. Not that I didn't know that, I thought i was being pretty fair with what little we are working with. That one thing was my way!! I see it clearly now how she felt. I guess it was the way she did it or told me that irked me.
I knowthe phone was a control issue the minute I said it no matter how delicately I put it, but I am sure to her it was the pressure she didn't want to hear. Because in her world I know how hard it is for her, I know living with me hasn't been easy. Even if we get along most of the time it isn't easy to live with your mom or me her but I thought we were. I guess I should have kept my mouth shut about it and let her face the issues it would bring.
It wasn't a boundry your perfectly right. I just said to pay off the thousands you owe before someone locks you up for it.
How the hell this girl can even get a phone is beyond me, when she has three of them that she owes the world to anyway.
She can't live anyplace because now she doesn't even have the money to get her car insured and plates etc.Unless she wins the lotto or sees the light.
It took her a long time to get a decent job again and she makes half of what she used to so it's nothing she was used to.
But again, your all right, I shouldn't be worrying I shouldn't be going through all this worry and heartache over things she obviously isn't concerned about.
Well, I suppose sometime she will have to call or come back here befor Sunday is over and maybe by then she can talk and me to. Maybe she won't I just don't know.
I wish I could count on me myself now. I wish I had something to fall back on but all this has left me with nothing.
Please forgive that I didn't answer each of you, I just can hardly do this right now. You know the crying hysterical mom feeling sorry for myself and owrrying yes worrying she might choose drugs in her anger. I hope not God, I pray not. Thank you all for your input and prayers, it helps.
I guess your all pretty much saying the same thing and I see that she has her rights also. Not that I didn't know that, I thought i was being pretty fair with what little we are working with. That one thing was my way!! I see it clearly now how she felt. I guess it was the way she did it or told me that irked me.
I knowthe phone was a control issue the minute I said it no matter how delicately I put it, but I am sure to her it was the pressure she didn't want to hear. Because in her world I know how hard it is for her, I know living with me hasn't been easy. Even if we get along most of the time it isn't easy to live with your mom or me her but I thought we were. I guess I should have kept my mouth shut about it and let her face the issues it would bring.
It wasn't a boundry your perfectly right. I just said to pay off the thousands you owe before someone locks you up for it.
How the hell this girl can even get a phone is beyond me, when she has three of them that she owes the world to anyway.
She can't live anyplace because now she doesn't even have the money to get her car insured and plates etc.Unless she wins the lotto or sees the light.
It took her a long time to get a decent job again and she makes half of what she used to so it's nothing she was used to.
But again, your all right, I shouldn't be worrying I shouldn't be going through all this worry and heartache over things she obviously isn't concerned about.
Well, I suppose sometime she will have to call or come back here befor Sunday is over and maybe by then she can talk and me to. Maybe she won't I just don't know.
I wish I could count on me myself now. I wish I had something to fall back on but all this has left me with nothing.
Please forgive that I didn't answer each of you, I just can hardly do this right now. You know the crying hysterical mom feeling sorry for myself and owrrying yes worrying she might choose drugs in her anger. I hope not God, I pray not. Thank you all for your input and prayers, it helps.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
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i can understand your fustration, granted the money could have been put to better use, but also when someone is trying really hard to work at everything , they need to feel some gratification for all the work they are doing and having a cell phone was her gift to herself for working and trying to pay her bills and it gives her a sense of independance and ownership for all that she is doing... i wouldnt worry too much over it and focus on letting this go and dont focus on her recovery so much...focus on you....
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Your so right....I see that just as I said above. I guess if she had come up to me and said look mom I got paid heres when I owe you and I know your not going to like this but I bought a phone..At least it would have been open more to me like an adult. Not walking away and yes, I know he called, I called him on my new phone. Then walking into the bathoom. It just irked me she was such a snot the way she said it. Well, it's done. Time will tell what will take place now.
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Also remember the age- young adults are notoriously irresponsible with money even if NOT addicts. I have sponsored young (and not so young) women in NA who are cool with staying clean, meetings, etc, and just make the dumbest, most irresponsible, most selfish decisions with everything else. It takes time and step work and "hitting a bottom" with stupidity. How's this: At 4 years clean (not this time; a different recovery time I had some years ago), I was facing, along with my husband, $70,000 in credit card dept. I felt so entitled to use those cards 'caues I was clean and working and paying my bills. I was not living responsibly at all. Took hitting a bottom with that behavior and now I don't use credit cards anymore. But early in recovery I don't expect much in terms of responsible decisions.
Now none of that is to say you have to give her anything or allow anything that you don't want to. She's lucky your still in her life after what (i can probably guess) she must have put you thru. Your house, your $, your rules - but its still a relationship you want and so maybe pick your battles? or not. No right or wrong here, only points of view.
Now none of that is to say you have to give her anything or allow anything that you don't want to. She's lucky your still in her life after what (i can probably guess) she must have put you thru. Your house, your $, your rules - but its still a relationship you want and so maybe pick your battles? or not. No right or wrong here, only points of view.
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Originally Posted by sleepygoat 
It takes time and step work and "hitting a bottom" with stupidity.
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Sleepy I love the step work to reach a bottom for stupidity! That's something I will remember when I am beating myself up for a stupid comment or reaction, thanks!
And Chino, I know what you mean. My daughter is so wise and I am in awe of all the things she is consciously working on in her recovery. A good friend of her's went back out recently but is trying to come back. My daughter's words to her and the awareness that she can only offer her experience and can not control what her friend will do is beautiful to see and hear. I know it isn't easy for her to adopt this view - she is a lot like me and filled with co-dependent traits. But she uses her NA steps and applies them on both sides. I just love seeing it and it fills me with gratitude.
((((BeeGee))) - I'm just sending tons of hugs. I can so relate to how you feel. But please know that you have done nothing "wrong" Your feelings are valid and this will blow over. I've done the phone calls or texts or little notes saying - "I just am scared and stressed and I love you. I know we will get through this" more than once. And actually, in many ways these rough spots ehlps to make our relationship closer and healthier. Mega hugs
And Chino, I know what you mean. My daughter is so wise and I am in awe of all the things she is consciously working on in her recovery. A good friend of her's went back out recently but is trying to come back. My daughter's words to her and the awareness that she can only offer her experience and can not control what her friend will do is beautiful to see and hear. I know it isn't easy for her to adopt this view - she is a lot like me and filled with co-dependent traits. But she uses her NA steps and applies them on both sides. I just love seeing it and it fills me with gratitude.
((((BeeGee))) - I'm just sending tons of hugs. I can so relate to how you feel. But please know that you have done nothing "wrong" Your feelings are valid and this will blow over. I've done the phone calls or texts or little notes saying - "I just am scared and stressed and I love you. I know we will get through this" more than once. And actually, in many ways these rough spots ehlps to make our relationship closer and healthier. Mega hugs
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
As I read through this thread, I found myself grateful for the love and widom shared here
Beegee, not much to add, agree with all that has been said...
the front row is a tough place to be , especially when you are both trying to work your recovery, and with finances so on the line...
nothing wrong with your feelings and its a learning curve and , Beegee , I love how you came back and were able to put it all together with a point of view that show compassion and understanding for your daughter's position...
I am sure you both will have gotten some good information out of this that you can bring back to the table...
I think you are doing great, being a human being and all
hug and prayers for you and your girl..Grateful
Beegee, not much to add, agree with all that has been said...
the front row is a tough place to be , especially when you are both trying to work your recovery, and with finances so on the line...
nothing wrong with your feelings and its a learning curve and , Beegee , I love how you came back and were able to put it all together with a point of view that show compassion and understanding for your daughter's position...
I am sure you both will have gotten some good information out of this that you can bring back to the table...
I think you are doing great, being a human being and all
hug and prayers for you and your girl..Grateful
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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(((BeeGee)))
I agree she did it wrong, and I also think it has a lot to do with her age. My friend, who is 24, was complaining about money but went and spent $250 on a "cool phone". I just told her to stop complaining about money 'cause I thought that was pretty dumb and didn't want to hear about it.
One more thing..I still owe on a cell phone, too. Unfortunately, I have debts I ran up when I was making $30-$40/hr as an RN. I now make $3.13/hr plus tips. I am currently paying on 2 debts that total $11,000. One of them won a court judgment against me.
My point is, we can't pay everything back at one time. The best we can do is take our debt on in little pieces. I've paid of a few smaller debts, but my credit report still looks hideous.
I am also living at home and it's not always easy. I know if I were to go and spend $200 on something my dad doesn't agree with, I will hear it from him I know he's right. I got mad as he!! about this at first, once I had paid him back, but I knew he was right. Now, I discuss my finances with him and ask for his advice. This didn't come all at once, and I'm sure it was more than 4-1/2 months into my recovery.
I didn't want to HEAR his advice at first, now I ask for it...so don't give up. We RA's are hard-headed and your daughter is still young. You may think she doesn't hear a word you're saying, but I'm sure she does and at some point she will think "darn....mom was right about that".
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I agree she did it wrong, and I also think it has a lot to do with her age. My friend, who is 24, was complaining about money but went and spent $250 on a "cool phone". I just told her to stop complaining about money 'cause I thought that was pretty dumb and didn't want to hear about it.
One more thing..I still owe on a cell phone, too. Unfortunately, I have debts I ran up when I was making $30-$40/hr as an RN. I now make $3.13/hr plus tips. I am currently paying on 2 debts that total $11,000. One of them won a court judgment against me.
My point is, we can't pay everything back at one time. The best we can do is take our debt on in little pieces. I've paid of a few smaller debts, but my credit report still looks hideous.
I am also living at home and it's not always easy. I know if I were to go and spend $200 on something my dad doesn't agree with, I will hear it from him
I know he's right. I got mad as he!! about this at first, once I had paid him back, but I knew he was right. Now, I discuss my finances with him and ask for his advice. This didn't come all at once, and I'm sure it was more than 4-1/2 months into my recovery. I didn't want to HEAR his advice at first, now I ask for it...so don't give up. We RA's are hard-headed and your daughter is still young. You may think she doesn't hear a word you're saying, but I'm sure she does and at some point she will think "darn....mom was right about that".
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
You may think she doesn't hear a word you're saying, but I'm sure she does and at some point she will think "darn....mom was right about that".
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
About one in 8 adults in the U.S. are seriously in debt.
Have a bad day....go buy something you don't need and can't afford.
Have a good day....go buy something you don't need and can't afford.
Our culture has lost the ability of " doing without".
Have a bad day....go buy something you don't need and can't afford.
Have a good day....go buy something you don't need and can't afford.
Our culture has lost the ability of " doing without".
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 427
You ALL are so wonderful and so giving even when things are messed up in your own lives.
You made me laugh a little about Mom always being right or parents right. My father was one of thoes that gave you a LONG lecture aghhhhhhh and at the end he always said Now that was free, you can file it and think it over or toss it. Honestly I don't ever thing I told him yea Dad your right, your always right. But he was and I bet I told everyone else he was too, (but never him).
But yet I always asked him later in life when he was alive every major decision. So maybe he knew.
Amy,my daughter isn't a kid, she is about as old as you are but very immature. But I know lik you she feels good when pays things off or back. I know she proabably has as much if not more debt then you, it scares me.
Greatful
thank you, I felt like I hated her way back for the stuff she did, but I don't hate her, I love her, I do want her to know I am here. I just don't want to be the patsy like before and enabling like I was for so long. I do hope she thnks about it but then she isn't reading this board and seeing two sides either.(sigh)
Marle,
I bought her the last phone after I thought she was doing so good before rehab. But not to check on her, mostly cause she loved texting but alo calling her druggie friends. I know where she is at night the hospital so I could call there. There just was no real good reason for a phone just now that couldn't have waited. But I agree, it is easier to get them..If they answer.
Sleepy, wow that is some debt! I think about $30 is in her field. Sometimes I thik dam, I never even got a dinner out of all that! Cards are great but honestly if I would I would trash em all. Most have lowerd their interest rates for me which was amazing.
greet teach Thank you for the hugs I so need them now. I hope your right too and things will get better between us.
Chino, I think if she was still goin to meetings it may have helped her some or talking to someone. But since tis lat job she hasn't gone the last two weeks.Because she really doesn't talk to me about this at all unless I approach her.
Dogged this is true, I see it now as a gift to herself , she was so proud of her 4 months but I only hugged her and words of praise.
CECE[[/B]B] Actually she is to old for me to be her warden in my eyes. I went with the boundrys and left her bills on the desk, She paid them with money orders and gave me cash . I always gave her back gas money, mad money so she always had money, not a lot but you know never to get stuck. I mean I tried not to make her feel needy, I think she knew I did what I could for her. Just my mouth and the phone Dam!
Well now it is night time, my eyes look like a frog!!!! But I feel a little better well a friend gave me half a zanax and that really helped calm my insides down. No word but maybe tomorrow if at all, will let you all know.
((((hugs))) and Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Sandy
You made me laugh a little about Mom always being right or parents right. My father was one of thoes that gave you a LONG lecture aghhhhhhh and at the end he always said Now that was free, you can file it and think it over or toss it. Honestly I don't ever thing I told him yea Dad your right, your always right. But he was and I bet I told everyone else he was too, (but never him).
But yet I always asked him later in life when he was alive every major decision. So maybe he knew.
Amy,my daughter isn't a kid, she is about as old as you are but very immature. But I know lik you she feels good when pays things off or back. I know she proabably has as much if not more debt then you, it scares me.
Greatful
thank you, I felt like I hated her way back for the stuff she did, but I don't hate her, I love her, I do want her to know I am here. I just don't want to be the patsy like before and enabling like I was for so long. I do hope she thnks about it but then she isn't reading this board and seeing two sides either.(sigh)
Marle,
I bought her the last phone after I thought she was doing so good before rehab. But not to check on her, mostly cause she loved texting but alo calling her druggie friends. I know where she is at night the hospital so I could call there. There just was no real good reason for a phone just now that couldn't have waited. But I agree, it is easier to get them..If they answer.
Sleepy, wow that is some debt! I think about $30 is in her field. Sometimes I thik dam, I never even got a dinner out of all that! Cards are great but honestly if I would I would trash em all. Most have lowerd their interest rates for me which was amazing.
greet teach Thank you for the hugs I so need them now. I hope your right too and things will get better between us.
Chino, I think if she was still goin to meetings it may have helped her some or talking to someone. But since tis lat job she hasn't gone the last two weeks.Because she really doesn't talk to me about this at all unless I approach her.
Dogged this is true, I see it now as a gift to herself , she was so proud of her 4 months but I only hugged her and words of praise.
CECE[[/B]B] Actually she is to old for me to be her warden in my eyes. I went with the boundrys and left her bills on the desk, She paid them with money orders and gave me cash . I always gave her back gas money, mad money so she always had money, not a lot but you know never to get stuck. I mean I tried not to make her feel needy, I think she knew I did what I could for her. Just my mouth and the phone Dam!
Well now it is night time, my eyes look like a frog!!!! But I feel a little better well a friend gave me half a zanax and that really helped calm my insides down. No word but maybe tomorrow if at all, will let you all know.
((((hugs))) and Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Sandy
Last edited by beegee; 10-18-2008 at 03:46 PM. Reason: forgot to bold two names
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