I can't take the walking on eggshells! Help!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Redlands, CA
Posts: 25
I can't take the walking on eggshells! Help!
Hi,
My ABF is getting moodier and moodier. Anxiety triggers him and his ex provides a lot as of late; then he picks it out on me. (No, not physically.)
No matter how I walk on eggshells, he finds something wrong, when he wishes to, with any and every thing I say. It is all me. He is innocent. His withdrawals from cutting back (too many close calls at work) exacerbate the situation. We work together. At first this never happened, which shows he is in full control of it - he knows he is doing it, you guys think? I don't know anymore!
If I stand up for myself, it really blows up, and then he is sorry later - but even then he adds something critical to excuse himself. Critical of me and how I provoked it...
If he knows he needs my help or support - no, not financial - then he kisses my rear until he gets what he wants.
He dictates all we do together. I don't even complain but I am the bad guy, paranoid, insecure, etc., etc.
He now constantly thanks me verbally for all my help, but it ends there.
The universe revolves around him. He is several years older than I and we are both educated, although that matters not. Guess I expected him to be more mature as a result...
He can't see aniy fault; it is amazing. He used to and he has been a "drunk", to use his word, the whole time.
Any input on this folks? Sorry to rant!
Needy Nancy
My ABF is getting moodier and moodier. Anxiety triggers him and his ex provides a lot as of late; then he picks it out on me. (No, not physically.)
No matter how I walk on eggshells, he finds something wrong, when he wishes to, with any and every thing I say. It is all me. He is innocent. His withdrawals from cutting back (too many close calls at work) exacerbate the situation. We work together. At first this never happened, which shows he is in full control of it - he knows he is doing it, you guys think? I don't know anymore!
If I stand up for myself, it really blows up, and then he is sorry later - but even then he adds something critical to excuse himself. Critical of me and how I provoked it...
If he knows he needs my help or support - no, not financial - then he kisses my rear until he gets what he wants.
He dictates all we do together. I don't even complain but I am the bad guy, paranoid, insecure, etc., etc.
He now constantly thanks me verbally for all my help, but it ends there.
The universe revolves around him. He is several years older than I and we are both educated, although that matters not. Guess I expected him to be more mature as a result...
He can't see aniy fault; it is amazing. He used to and he has been a "drunk", to use his word, the whole time.
Any input on this folks? Sorry to rant!
Needy Nancy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
When my bf stopped drinking 8 months ago I found myself walking around on eggshells, scared to say anything incase it made him drink or made him irritable or incase I said something the wrong way and it started a row. I was driving myself mad.
He behaves this way because you let him. You don't have to stand there and let him "pick on you", you can leave the room, leave the house if you have to.
You can't change the way he behaves but you can change the way you react and maybe if he's not getting attention from his behaviour (because that's what he wants) he might stop.
He dictates all you do together? Why? Because you let him? What would happen if you didn't let him.
Through this board I've come to realise that people only treat us the way we let ourselves be treated, we have choices.
It sounds to me his behaviour is boardering on controlling and he is manipulating you. You can see this too which is a good start but he'll only stop if you make some changes.
He behaves this way because you let him. You don't have to stand there and let him "pick on you", you can leave the room, leave the house if you have to.
You can't change the way he behaves but you can change the way you react and maybe if he's not getting attention from his behaviour (because that's what he wants) he might stop.
He dictates all you do together? Why? Because you let him? What would happen if you didn't let him.
Through this board I've come to realise that people only treat us the way we let ourselves be treated, we have choices.
It sounds to me his behaviour is boardering on controlling and he is manipulating you. You can see this too which is a good start but he'll only stop if you make some changes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Redlands, CA
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by TheMissus 
When my bf stopped drinking 8 months ago I found myself walking around on eggshells, scared to say anything incase it made him drink or made him irritable or incase I said something the wrong way and it started a row. I was driving myself mad.
He behaves this way because you let him. You don't have to stand there and let him "pick on you", you can leave the room, leave the house if you have to.
You can't change the way he behaves but you can change the way you react and maybe if he's not getting attention from his behaviour (because that's what he wants) he might stop.
He dictates all you do together? Why? Because you let him? What would happen if you didn't let him.
Through this board I've come to realise that people only treat us the way we let ourselves be treated, we have choices.
It sounds to me his behaviour is boardering on controlling and he is manipulating you. You can see this too which is a good start but he'll only stop if you make some changes.
He behaves this way because you let him. You don't have to stand there and let him "pick on you", you can leave the room, leave the house if you have to.
You can't change the way he behaves but you can change the way you react and maybe if he's not getting attention from his behaviour (because that's what he wants) he might stop.
He dictates all you do together? Why? Because you let him? What would happen if you didn't let him.
Through this board I've come to realise that people only treat us the way we let ourselves be treated, we have choices.
It sounds to me his behaviour is boardering on controlling and he is manipulating you. You can see this too which is a good start but he'll only stop if you make some changes.
New start today.
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