sunflowerintx

I don't have Internet access at home at the moment but I considered posting a thread last night that I was moving on. I have Inet on my PDA but typing is so slow on it...I prefer to just read.

I left another sad Sally note with my AH on Tuesday, apologizing for what I did last Thursday, saying I don't know how to go on without him (because I don't) and telling him about S8 not sleeping well.

AH called last night and said he needed to push out the payment plan we discussed for D12's dental work. I've got a bit of laryngitis and I was surprised by his call and I just said okay. He said he was still planning to pay it and I said okay. I got a text message at the same time and we hung up.

He called back 30 minutes later and I answered. He wanted to know if I was saying something when we hung up. I wasn't.... Then I hung up on him at some point because he was being ugly. He was drinking and I wish I had the strength to NOT answer. Despite the fact that I love him and I want to be with him, I won't be with him the way he is right now. I can't. I'll be halfway to the funny farm by this time next week if I go down that road. Nothing at all was resolved in the phone calls and the last one was about why I wanted to get off the phone...you know, because my boyfriend was arriving at 1am. *sigh*

I was honestly ready to make a decision. I was ready to move forward and not look back, starting today. Seriously, could he sense that? It was just odd timing in my view.

I'm not making any decisions until I'm a bit more grounded but I'm at the want to want to make a decision stage. I'll get there. I'm confident that all is as it should be. I'm not settling, but I still love my AH. I'm just going to have to do it from afar for now. AH's problem at this moment is not consuming me, nor is it consuming the children.

Today I'm grateful that I get to keep my beautiful 15-month-old niece while my sister is at the New Kids on the Block reunion concert!

prodigal

Well, sunflower, it sounds as if you are going on without him. Perhaps having contact with him is what is keeping you feeling stuck. However, it is your choice as to whether or not you keep contact.

As far as resolving anything by phone, email, or f-2-f with an A, I can only share my own personal experience. I can honestly say that I have never resolved a single issue with AH.

AH doesn't deal with life, with issues, with feelings, with problems. Well, let's just say he doesn't cope - he zones out! It was when I FINALLY was going nuts trying to get blood out of a rock, that I moved my own business back onto my side of the street and left his business for him to deal (or not deal) with.

His addicton. His choice. My codependency. My choice.

As difficult as it is, when you are ready to cut contact, you will. And I think you should give yourself a little more credit - you sound pretty strong to me.

How about Al-Anon and/or counseling? Have you given either a try?

veryrestless722

Im sorry to hear you having a tough time. I hope things work out for you, whether you eventually get back together or you move on.

HateBooze

I think you know what you want to do - you just need time to be comfortable with the decision. The more he is ugly to you, the easier it wll be.
I wish you the best; please update.
Good luck with your new relationship, although that shouldn't be the deciding factor - you are.:praying nancy