How the bad makes you appreciate the good.

Old 10-17-2008, 10:40 AM
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Recovering Codependant
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How the bad makes you appreciate the good.

I would like to start a thread about how we have all transformed an event in our life. More specifically a time when despite the badness, hurt and upset, you managed to find the positivity and take this forward with you on your journey.

I think it is an important part of recovery, that helps keep us healthy, positive and stops us from falling into melencholy.

I will begin...


Last night I had a dreadful night of sleep. I had repetitive nightmares about my exabf. I dreamt that my exabf had managed to get back into my home, I had woken up to a strange mans voice downstairs in my house.

In my dream I tiptoed to the stairs heart pounding to investigate the intruder. To my horror, the exabf came out of my kitchen heading toward the living room, he saw me and then beckoned another man to follow him, with his casual 'so and so is here' attitude that I would so often find when I came home in the past.

I remember feeling panic striken that he was back, why is he here, acting just as before, how will I get him out? I started screaming 'No no no!!' But I wasn't just screaming in my dream, I was screaming in my bed, I woke myself up heart racing, shouting out, crying.

I fell back asleep and dreamt again, this time I was locked out of my home. I was puzzled in the dream as to why this had happened, as I tried to gain entry, the exabf opened the door and called me inside, I asked him why he was there and we got into a row. I cannot recall what I said, but the next minute in my dream, his expression had changed into that angry man I knew, and he began to come for me, he ran at me and again the panic built up inside of me and I coward into a bundle waiting for his onslaught. Again I woke up screaming and crying.

So today, I woke up feeling absolutely exhausted and numb. I knew that I had dreamt these things because my ex has never returned my keys and I have not had my locks replaced. I also recently told him to come collect his things during my week off work. If he didn't arrange with me to collect them at this time, I would dispose of them myself. he was p*ssed. I guess I fear that he will come back and let himself in when I am not there, I don't feel safe in my home.

So I made the decision this morning that I would have my locks changed. I also realised and felt relieved that those dreams were not my reality anymore, and how wonderful life truly is for me right now because he is gone and I am done with him.

I went to work feeling light as a feather, and I have had a wonderful day, so thank you subconsciousness for making me dream!!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Old 10-17-2008, 11:04 AM
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I like dreams, too - the other night I dreamed the Phillies won the NL title and when I woke up it was true!

People who know me tell me I do this all the time - turn a negative into a positive. I never saw it that way, but I'm beginning to. I think the best, most recent example would be this. xAH decided he wanted our divorce - which also included breaking up two companies - to go to trial. It did. The judge made rulings inconsistent with corporate law, so we're headed for an appeal. It could take a very long time. In the meantime, most of our assets are frozen.

xAH has chosen not to work. I invested in another business. I thought it (retail) was totally unrelated to my primary profession (film production). I worried, too, that it would be perceived as me giving up on profession #1. Much to my happy surprise, the two have overlapped in ways I never imagined. I now have a project in development set in the world of fashion; and my retail business is supplying set dressing and costuming to tv shows and movies. In taking this on myself, I have found that one of my greatest fears - that I would not be taken seriously without my "partner" was unfounded.

It has taught me to wake up each day and do the next right thing.

Thanks for the positive thread, Lily. ((( )))
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