bookwyrm

hi guys,

Feeling a little low today. Talked to AH last night about dividing up stuff - he's taking 2 of the 4 cats and I'm a bit upset by it - I'm going to miss them! He ought to be able to take care of them OK (for now) and it is fair that he gets 2 of our cats. I'm more upset at the thought of losing them than I am of losing him!!

Feel like I'm unloved and unlovable... I'm nearing 40, I've allowed myself to become very isolated, I'm very overweight, my confidence and self esteem right now are at an all time low. My motivation is gone and I have to drag myself to do the work around the house to get it sold when I get in from work. Seems to be taking forever, even with help on the weekends!

On the plus side I have 3 good friends and my mum is my rock (though she does get a bit carried away sometimes - telling me what to do etc!).

Sorry for the moan, think I'm PMSing pretty badly!

splendra

(((((((bookwyrm))))))))

Hang in there.

Lilyflower

(((((Bookwyrm))))) I'm sorry you are feeling like crap today, I sure know how it can be, I get low myself from time to time. And you know what, it is ok. I find that when I feel my energy is low, my emotions get shlumpy and I get irritated with things and people, I need TIME OUT!!!!

Things I like to do when I get to feeling that way, is connect with people and things I know give me boosts, like my music, I love nothing better than putting on tunes that really take me back or that bring out the party atmosphere in me, which is sadly usually WHAM freedom, or club tropicana! They remind me of my care free childhood when life seemed to be one endless summer, I can't help but feel that warm glow rise in my heart.

Books are good for that too, inspiring stories or romances I always get sentimental about Jane Austin's Pride and Predjudice and Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre.

I watch comedies like the Money Pit with Tom Hanks, or allow myself to have a good cry to some gut wrenches like Armagedon. Just to get my emotions circulating again.

I am firm believer that emotions need to flow and that when we get to feeling down it is because our feelings have got stuck, like building a damn across water. So allowing myself to be immersed in one feeling or another for a short time really helps to get all that in motion again and I feel lighter.

Also, remember your diet, foods that are high in salt, fat content and sugar, get your body shlumpy and energy low. Try to eat wholewheat and high fibre foods, vitamins and minerals, which keep your body working efficiently and lift your mood naturally, ginger is a good one to perk you up (try it in herbal teas like camamile and ginger etc)

I hope you get to feeling brighter,

Love Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Freedom1990

:ghug3

ToughChoices

Bookwyrm -

I'm sorry that you're having a hard day. I hate the dividing things up talks, too. They always leave me feeling icky and a little nostalgic.

I just wanted you to know that you are loved and lovable. Very much so.

I liked LilyFlower's suggestions.
Bubble baths, long quiet walks, excellent music, good books - work for me.

I hope you feel better soon.

-TC

Silverberry1331

I completely understand how you feel...I was the exact same way when things were breaking up with me and Don. I had exactly the same feelings...I was in such a drudge, and eating like crap, and feeling like crap, and so apathetic to everything...I felt like 100 years old. I am also a little pudgy in the midsection, and I am a stress eater...You know those people who can't eat when they are upset? Yeah...well...I am not one of them.

After Don left and I have gotten over the initial shock, I am noticing that my life is starting to get better. Slowly I am more energetic, less stressed, eating better, sleeping better, and more enthusiasm for life...I am meeting new people in places that I have been going to every single day the entire time!

What I was feeling was the weight of codependency finally causing me to buckle under. Hugs to you (((hugs)))...it is going to get better! Today is a down day...I still have down day, but they are more manageable now and more good days are surfacing...this is the hardest part now, IMHO, and it was at the point I felt the worst...I think this is normal...Hang in there!!! It is always darkest before the dawn!

Learning how

Bookwyrm, Take care. I hope you feel better soon.

justaboutus

I have those "I just want to be sad" days. If it gets bad enough I just jump in with both feet. I rent a sappy movie, eat an entire pint of ice cream, cry on the sofa... all by myself. Sometimes, after just a few hours I'm over it and I can continue on. I feel like I just have to let it out, but it's hard to give myself permission to do it.

Bernadette

((((((((((bookwyrm))))))))))

sorry you are bummed......I don't know why life has to be so hard and painful sometimes...I will never understand.....think of this time and these tears as shedding, like an animal in spring - every tear you cry gets one more ounce of "toxic past" out of your system....I was a basket case the first year after my divorce - cried, felt lost, floaty, angry, disconnected from time and motivation. But each day that passed I was getting stronger whether I felt it immediately or not.

Love yourself! Even as stupid and hard as it was to say it, I used to repeat this out loud and often "I am lovable and I love and approve of myself. All is well." twenty times a day if I had to!!! It ain't magic but I really do believe I had to take an active part in banishing the voice that kept telling me I suck.

Love & prayers - and don't be afraid to lean on your good friends!

Peace-
B.

Lilyflower

ha ha ha!! this is me too, I comfort eat something terrible. When I first split from my ex I must have ate my way through bags and bags of mini choc bars and buscuits, my eating went out of the window with my sense of self.

It has been 7 nearly 8 months and I still get days when I'm feeling a bit low, but over all it is much better. I put on 2 stone and am now going to a keep fit class with my sister who is at weight watches. We have a good laugh at ourselves and make exhausted faces at each other during the work out because we are both so out of shape we can't keep up with the regulars! Still it is fun and the teacher is a lovely woman who is really encouraging and spiritual, at the end of every session we all lie on our stomachs and relax our muscles and she tells us ''It is not selfish to take care of yourself, it is survival, the more you take care of yourself, the more you can take care of others'', I always leave smiling!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ago

well I only have two things to say

one: :ghug3

and two:

:ghug3

ok...well...maybe one other thing, can't you like hire Dog the bounty hunter to kidnap your two kitty's back? maybe Ethan from "mission Impossible" or something...

I'm probably way out of line, but nothing is too underhanded when it comes to "Kitty Love"

blessed4x

(((bookwyrm))).......It's gray outside here and I'm in a funk of my own. Hope there's room for 2 at your pity party, I'd love to join you!

denny57

I was right there - except I was nearing 50. For me it was all a result of living with alcoholism - tied up with low self worth issues pre-xah.

Comments are often made about how sex begins in the brain. I think everything does. When I did the work "in my head," the weight came off (and has stayed off), I stopped isolating and have my confidence back. The issue I am still working on - which stems from childhood - is self worth. Go figure LOL.

Hang in there!

bookwyrm

Thank you everyone. You all made me cry - but in a good way!!

I know I have to ride this out - this is the lowest I've been in a while. Reading everyone's responses has actually made me feel much better. Virtual hugs DO work!

I think I'm a bit frustrated. I just can't wait for it all to be done, the house finished, sold and me in a new place all of my own. I'm so impatient!

I'm also a comfort eater, a boredom eater and a wonder what this recipe will taste like eater! Since AH is gone, I've been eating so much better - I only have to consider my likes and dislikes (he moaned about everything I made) and it is wonderful. So the weight has been going slowly but surely - but just not fast enough.

Thank you for making me feel not so alone in this.:ghug

Rainbowsend

You didn't put it on in 2 months so it shouldn't come off too quick either :-) You'll get there and feel a whole heap better too.

Any classes/interest groups you could go to just to get you out a bit more and maybe meet some like minded people.

As for nearing 40, I was this week, embrace it and plan to do something nice to celebrate as the alternative to not hitting 40 is no fun

Mair

Big big hugs to you Bookwyrm. xxxxxx

Gill

HateBooze

:ghug340 is nothing! i do the food thing too.

Jadmack25

There is hope. At 40 I had been married for 20 years, at 50 been divorced for 4 years, at 60 was wondering am I doing and where am I going?
Answer on both counts NOTHING.

I has taken me to now, a further 4 years down a bumpy, bleak road to find SR and get the message.

I am not alone and lots of other women and men feel very similar to me. I may be depressed but not mad, nuts, out of my tree as I had begun to think I was.

When my marriage ended after 26 years, and I was on my own for the first time in my life, it was a terrifying, lonely, miserable place to be. Slowly I healed and began to enjoy the experience, albeit also feeling a bit of guilt for walking out.

I have an abf who lives nearby, which is fine when he is sober but a pain in the backside when he is on the beer. I have taken s**t from him that I had never or would take from anyone, and am finished with taking anymore.

Thanks to stories, advice and some hard hitting questions from folks on this site, I have made decisions and set certain boundaries which, if crossed will mean goodbye and good luck to him in future. He got the message three weeks ago about a couple of those decisions and boundaries and has been sober and in counseling. I hope these continue and that it doesn't go back to how it has been for so long, because the first drink will see me out of his life for good.

Bookwyrm Will add you to my ever expanding prayer list.

YellowRed

That's hilarious. Made me LOL.


Sorry to hear you're feeling down - I think everyone has these days. I usually try to do something just for myself. Painting my toenails bright red usually gives me a lift! Others which work for me are:

- long walks (preferably in the wind to blow away the cobwebs in my head)
- hot bath
- massage
- fun music very loud
- good books

Hope you're feeling better. Definitely you're loved and lovable. :ghug3