winnie12

We got confirmation that a rehab has agreed to accept my diabetic AS - it has been such a battle finding somewhere that would take him. I pick him up Monday morning 7 a.m. from YDC. He really wants to go - both to get out of jail and because he knows he needs help. We havent told him yet that he got accepted. One because we're concerned they will change their mind and two because we dont see any harm in him worrying for a few more days. Its been hard not to tell him because i know it will make him very releived but a little worrying on his part about his future doesnt seem to be a bad idea. Court orders are being signed today. I just pray that he finally realizes where his life has been heading and how close he got to spending the next year in jail - how soon they forget once they get out and the desire to party hits them.

He's already asking that if he gets in will i bend the rules and lie to get one of his pot head friends in to visit him. ummmmm NO. Its obviously going to be a long road - doesnt even know he's in yet and already trying to figure out how to get me to help him break the rules. We fought too long and hard to get him in there to mess it up and i'm certainly not the one to ask to help him break rules. I guess those old habits die hard. I have to say its getting easier and easier to say No to him and he's finally getting to the point that he asks, i say no, and he just drops it. My way of getting No to work is that I stopped explaining why i say no. I just say no and start talking about something else.

I am new here but ask everyone to please pray for us monday and over the coming months. We are going to need all the help we can get from above for this to be successful. I'm going to check out the parents meetings at the rehab and if i dont feel comfortable there i'm going to find my own meetings as our counseling with his current programs are ending once he goes there.

Has anyone heard of any groups for young kids? His sister who is 11 has seen full blown addiction first hand and i really think that she is going to need continued counseling to get through it. There have been times that her brother didnt even know who she was and she herself worries about his death. She was also getting counseling through our program but her's will end as well. Our counselor is stopping by the house to say goodbye to her and i know that's going to be sad for my daughter.

JMFburns

((winnie))

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Have you checked out Al-Anon or Nar-Anon? Or Ala-Teen for your daughter - I recently spoke w/a mom in my Al-Anon group and I don't thing the kids have to be "teens" to start attending.

I hope your son and you find the support you need.

sistergldnhair

I'm happy to hear they will take your son, with his medical issues and all. I'd be petrified to pick him up, for fear he'd try to beg and plead not to go. I know once my son got in rehab, as much as I wanted to talk to him and see how he was doing..I dreaded taking a phone call for fear the begging and pleading would begin. I hope this doesn't happen to you.
I'm sure that your daughter could get Alateen for her. How about Families Anonymous? I know Parent's Support Group, in my area also has a sibling session.
Will be thinking of you this weekend. And hope to hear everything goes smoothly on Monday for you. Keep up posted.

Impurrfect

(((Winnie)))

I'm glad he got accepted. He is going to keep trying to break the rules, at first, but hopefully the rehab will show him that isn't going to work.

I am sure there is probably al-ateen somewhere near you. I know there are many, many AA meetings in the Atlanta area, and near you.

I think you are doing an awesome job at getting both your kids some help.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

winnie12

Begging me wont do him any good so i dont worry about that. He's court ordered to go so if he doesnt go he will end up back in jail - it has nothing to do with me - its all him now. Going through the courts was the best thing i ever did because now they are the heavy and i dont have to deal with the manipulation. He wouldnt listen to me anymore so i turned him over to people that he had to listen to - I told him this the very first time they released him from jail. I wasnt taking him home until he acknowledge my new rule which is that if he broke probation then i was calling his PO and i've followed through with this which is why the court has been willing to listen to me and help us so much. It started with running away when he was mad/high - i'd just say you can run but i'm calling the law. The suicide threats were the hardest for me - but he knows my rule - you threaten suicide I call 911 - he stopped that too after i followed through. It was hard the first couple of times but now he knows that i wont put up with drama anymore and that if he wont listen to me he will listen to the police. not easy to watch your kid get taken away in shackles or strapped to a bed over and over again but its my home so if that's what has to be done that's what i'll do. this last time he turned himself in - they already knew what he had done but it was a big step for him to walk into the courtroom knowing that he was going to jail. I was very proud of him for facing up to the consequences. Besides, he's 15 - I'm an adult - its irrational for me to be afraid of my child and i'm finally realizing and embracing that fact. I have the strength and I have the law on my side - he doesnt. Kids want and need their parents to be in control of themselves so that's the only side i'm letting him see right now. My doubts, guilt, fear, sadness, i only discuss with my adult support group.

sleepygoat

So glad "the system" has actually worked/is in the process of working here for your son. I wish something like that would happen with my kid. BTW, I like the idea of calling 911 for a suicide threat. I'll use that one the next time I'm in a situation where my AD tries that to get me to give her money for crack by threatening suicide.

marle

Sending prayers for your son and for your family. I work with a Type 1 diabetic child and know how hard it is to keep it under control. Add in addiction and it must be really hard. I hope that he embraces this chance to get clean and healthy. Hugs, Marle

sistergldnhair

Thinking of you this morning, and hoping all goes smoothly for you and your son. Let us know.
:praying
Eileen

caileesnana

praying for you and your son,
susan

Chino

Winnie, prayers for your family as you go through this day and into a new chapter in your lives.

winnie12

Thank you all for the kind words and prayers. Everything went well. I'm a bit sad. You hope that the day you pack your child up and set them up in a dorm style room it will be the day they go off to college not the day they enter rehab for a year. He was glad that he wasnt going to stay in jail but i could tell that he too was sad and scared. The only argument that we had was the choice of shoes I packed for him so I guess overall it was good. I'm going to miss him so much - you know no matter what he does or how old he gets when I look at him I still see that little sweet boy he used to be. I can tell already that he is going to be clinging to me for a while. He is so limited in who can visit or write to him so he wants me there every chance. I understand this but I do also hope that he can start looking inside and not to me so much. I just dont have the strength in me to live two people's lives anymore and I want to start enjoying my own life again. He has monopolized my time, thoughts, finances, everything for so long. I'm mentally and physically exhausted from all of this - but i must not give up, each day get up and do what i have to do even though all i really want to do is just crawl back in bed for the day.

Impurrfect

(((Winnie)))

I'm glad you got him there, but I can imagine it's pretty hard on you.

Hopefully, he will make friends there and get so involved, he will not want to cling to you so much, but it may take a little while.

He's being taken care of, so now you have time to take care of you.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

sistergldnhair

I'm so glad it went ok. Yes it is sad about them leaving. When I brought AS to the airport last month to get his flight to Florida for rehab, he had never ever flown before and was absolutely terrified. I could only walk him to the security point. When I found out, the lady said I could get a special pass from the airline. I ran over to the airline counter, and begged the man for a pass. I said He's scared to death, he's never flown. No, he wouldn't budge, saying it was only for minor children and disabled people. He said It's ok, he's only going off to college, he'll have fun. I started bawling and said, No, he's going to rehab and I don't know how long he'll be gone. He didn't know what to say.

About the clinging to you. Funny, as my AS who is 23 mind you, is so dependent on me (my fault). The counselor mentioned this yesterday. She asked if he's written me, and I said No. She said that it was a bit unhealthy in our relationship because I have written several times, and they need to start to think of others instead of only themselves. I know this is true. Their addiction makes them think of others, and they don't realize how many people are mowed down in their paths...how many feelings are trampled. I know this will come in time. She said he shows remorse, guilt, but in my eyes, he is still a little boy emotionally. He's never had to deal with "life", without being high. This is what I hope they will teach him, and I hope he will soak it in. She said in a few weeks she'll have me come down to participate for a few days in the program. I can't wait to see him. Especially since she said he's entertaining the thought of cutting his hair. It's very long now, (Think Gregg Allman) and his group members told him to shave, and maybe get a haircut, change his way of dressing, to make him feel more like an adult.

Keep us posted on your son. We'll make it through. We get up, and go through another day, and get stronger, hoping our addicts are doing the same.

Eileen

Hangin' In

Hey Winnie,

I'm so glad you got your son to rehab and thankful he is in a place where he can get some help.

I was like you when all this first started happening in my family. MY dream of what I wanted for my daughter's life wasn't going to be. I had to grieve that. But through recovery (face to face meetings and this board) I learned that my AD had to go through whatever was facing her in order to get to a better place in her life.

Today when I hear that someone is going to recovery I think, "THANK YOU, GOD!" Rehab isn't a death sentence. It's a chance at life.

If you don't go to meetings, I'd recommend you adding them to your life. I've found so much love and support in face to face meetings. I know I wouldn't have made it without face to face recovery and this board. And they helped prepare me for when my AD did come home.

Prayers for you and your son.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

winnie12

At the facility they have family group sessions and private sessions - i'll def be going to all of those because at his age he will be coming back home and we have things to work through before that's going to be succesful. I've also found an Alateen meeting for my daughter (11) and she is very excited about going to her first one next week. She is excited about being able to make some new friends who understand what she is going through - right now she is just telling people that her brother is at boarding school - i didnt tell her not to - she just found it easier to tell kids that so that she didnt have to ask a bunch of questions. Since they have alanon meetings at the same time i'm going to check those out. I went to some years ago - dumped the guy (AS's dad) and thought I was okay - in hindsight i probably should have kept going even though I got rid of the addict.

Hangin' In

I think your HP is giving you a perfect opportunity there, Winnie. Both you and your daughter can get some very good help at the same time. I've found that everyone in the family needs help because everyone in the family has certainly been affected by the disease.

Hugs,
Hangin' In