I just need someone to help me understand

Old 10-15-2008, 07:00 PM
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I just need someone to help me understand

Hello my name is Cassandra. New here. Looking for answers. My ex BF and father of my children is (I believe) addicted to percocet and in my heart feel that he is now doing other things. He was prescribed the perks almost 2 years ago for a back problem which is now fixed because of surgery. He is 5 months out and I really had started pushing him to go to rehab.

There were times where he was taking 20 pills a day at 15mg a pill. This seriously worried me. I then began to suspect he was snorting the pills. I have just found and seen things that dont add up. Did I catch him ever? No, but like I said things just didnt add up.

So over the last 9 months or so he began to change and I mean drastically. I first thought it was depression because he couldnt work and this injury was workmans comp and they were fighting him and blah blah. But it just got worse. He lost his sex drive. His desire to spend time with me and the kids and just basically sat in front of the TV.

Well like I said I had been pushing him to go to rehab ALOT. Last week I found a test message that he had bought 2 bags of something for 40 bucks a piece. This money came out of our rent money. I found out and kicked him out. He has been gone a week and I really think he is still using, on a vacation and its really starting to make me think my family is broken and beyond repair. THIS IS NOT THE SAME MAN!!! I cant express that enough.

So he is staying with his sister and apparently she is pressuring him to go to rehab because in the last few days he has talked about going to inpatient rehab. But he has been saying alot of crazy stuff lately. He is forgetful, sweaty all the time, sometimes confused, sometimes falls asleep in mid conversation and other times just down right mean.

This man loved his kids so much and now he doesnt even call to say goodnight to them. That is why I know something is up because he just would never have done that before.

So my question is has the drugs changed him mentally so much so that he will be this way forever? Do drugs change you so much that you are never able to get back to who you used to be? He used to have a problem with cocaine/crack a few years ago that is why I suspect he is using something else also but he swears up and down that he isnt and then even makes me feel bad for even suggesting he would do that.

Any help in understanding the nature of this beast would be very helpful. Have I lost this man for good? It seems like he just doesnt give a crap about us anymore.
Thanks
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Old 10-15-2008, 07:19 PM
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Originally Posted by cassandra2 View Post

So my question is has the drugs changed him mentally so much so that he will be this way forever? Do drugs change you so much that you are never able to get back to who you used to be? He used to have a problem with cocaine/crack a few years ago that is why I suspect he is using something else also but he swears up and down that he isnt and then even makes me feel bad for even suggesting he would do that.

Any help in understanding the nature of this beast would be very helpful. Have I lost this man for good? It seems like he just doesnt give a crap about us anymore.
Thanks
Hi and welcome to SR... You have come to the right place for support.

From your post it looks like your BF is definetly using.

Have the drugs changed him to the point where he will be this way forever? Honestly, thats up to your BF. If he wants to get clean and live a sober life he will. But he has to want to and he will only do it when he is good and ready. There are some awesome recovering addicts on this board with powerful testimony's that are living proof that one can get clean and live a normal life sober.

As for swearing up and down that he isn't using something.. please don't believe a word he says. All addicts lie, it's part of the disease. Addicts can be very manipulative and the disease of addiction will go to great lengths to protect itself.

As for losing him for good, it's hard to say. Like I said before, thats up to him.

I know you love him but unfortunalty all the love in the world will not make someone clean. If it did none of us would be here.

As for understanding the nature of the beast.. I don't know if any one of us can truly understand addiction but the following links have sure helped me put a lot of it into prespective.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ddicts-do.html


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-me-fall.html
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Old 10-15-2008, 07:48 PM
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(((cass))) I am sorry for what you are going through. Listen to your gut. Read the stickies at the top of the page. They are very helpful. We like to remind people of the 3 C's. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it & you can't controll it. It is possable to have a life that doesn't revolve around the rollercoaster ride of addiction. We are here for you. Walking beside you.
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Old 10-15-2008, 08:11 PM
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Welcome to SR!

I'm sorry for what you are going through.

I am a recovering addict. When I was using, I was a totally different person, and my main concern was getting more dope. When I would come down from being high, think about how I was hurting the people that loved me, I would avoid those feelings by getting high again. It's a vicious cycle.

Jerect is right...we don't get into recovery until we really, really want it. Most of us don't get to that point until we face some harsh consequences...jail, being homeless, etc. There is way more to recovery than just quitting the dope. Recovery is all about learning to live life, and not pick up again.

My brain is pretty much the same as before my addiction (I think), but I still have thoughts of using when I get really stressed. Today, though, I know how to deal with those thoughts and they remain thoughts.

Addicts lie, and even if you catch him red-handed, he will probably still lie. With an addict you have to go by their ACTIONS, not their words. I talked, many, many times of getting clean, but continued to get high. When I finally chose recovery, I didn't say much...I showed I was recovering by my actions.

There is no answer as to whether your relationship is over. I would highly recommend, though, that you focus on yourself and your kids. There is nothing you can say or do that will make him want recovery....nothing.

There are some wonderful people here, who have been or are still going through similar situations. You may want to check out al-anon or nar-anon meetings...it will give you f2f support and help you understand the feelings your dealing with.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 10-16-2008, 03:42 AM
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Addicts can and do get clean, but not until their using is more painful than their need to find recovery. It is a process and one that you have no control over. But you do have control over your own life and it is very important for you to take care of yourself. Addiction can drive us crazy when we try to find the answers to the whys. So welcome to SR and continue to post and read. What will make sense to you is that you must look out for yourself and let your addict do what he needs to do. Hugs, Marle
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