jdaisymae

I am a 35 year old mother of two (3 yrs and 5 months) with a wonderful husband. I am not addicted to alcohol, I don't think, but I have been drinking more often and larger amounts than I should for the past 5 months since my baby was born. I usually do ok during the week but my trigger is the weekend, for some reason. My hubby and I will buy a bottle of vodka or rum and usually drink it all in one or two nights. Not sure the size of the bottle, second from largest. He will have a few cocktails but it's mostly me who drinks. I can't seem to have just a few drinks. I don't realize how drunk I am until it is too late and I stop drinking or pass out. I do have times where I don't remember the second half of my night, which obviously bothers me. I have 2 beautiful girls who need me and I feel like I am being selfish and unfair. I don't understand why I have to drink in excess. I have about 20 pounds to lose and since I am breastfeeding, I know that it would come off if I stopped drinking or drinking as much because I must consume 1000's of extra calories a week from alcohol. I am fat because I drink and I drink because I'm fat. I am very unhappy with my appearance and I know it would improve if I didn't consume yet I continue to make the choice to drink lots on the weekends. I also think that as a stay at home mom I am a little bored since I rarely get out and have "me" time. Getting buzzed or drunk is my time out, my activity I guess. Am I crazy? Does anyone relate or am I out of control? I feel so guilty, like a bad mom. I have even breastfed right after drinking. I know it's bad, but I did it anyway. What's wrong with me???!!

Toomutch

Welcome jdaisymae -
First of all only you can decide whether or not you have a drinking problem. I will say that blacking out is never a good sign.

I dont think your crazy and I do want to validate your feelings of being a stay at home mom. It has all the rewards a mother could want, but it is hard work, and it can get lonely. Could you get the kids into the stroller and take them for a walk during the day. Or when your husband gets home in the evening, could you have some alone time to maybe take a bubble bath or do something that you enjoy.

I wouldn't worry so much about the baby weight, it will go, but the amount of alcohol is not helping by any means.

I don't think it is healthy for your baby, as you are drinking to extremes while breast feeding. You might want to speak to your doctor about that.

Tazman53

Welcome to SR JdaisyMae. If you fear you have a drinking problem her is a test you may want to take just to give you an idea, answer it honestly and then sit down and ask your self do I have a problem? Alcoholics Anonymous : Is A.A. For You?

I am an alcoholic and I can attest to the fact that as long as an alcoholic continues to drink thier alcoholism will always get worse and never better. ANother thing I know for a fact, the longer I drank the harder it became to quit.... I eventually reached the point where I had to drink every day just to feel normal and not get sick.

Time2Surrender

Welcome to SoberRecovery. Only you can decide if you have a drinking problem.

Missymae737

Welcome to SR...

Keep posting, we are happy you found us...:ghug3

MROBI

you have a problem or you would not be here. good luck.

Horselover

Welcome to SR. Keep reading and post when you need to. I don't know if you asked if we thought you had a problem and so I will not comment on that, but I can tell you I am a stay at home Mom too. I continued to drink after my son was born. I quit while I was pregnant. I started drinking every night because I no longer had to get up for a 9 to 5 job, but I was a mom with a 24/7 job. I didn't look at it that way. I drank from 4 pm until bedtime every night. I put my son in danger every night and in the morning when I was hungover too. This is so hard to admit, but it is the truth. I did this for 5 years of my son's life. I am so LUCKY he never needed to go to the hospital or something on those nights I was drunk. I am so LUCKY he doesn't hold it against me that I drank every night of his first 5 years or just about. I am not lucky in that I can't remember things as I would have had I been sober. I am not lucky in that I feel guilty for being drunk so much of that time.

I am today sober. I will remain sober. I have a much better relationship with my family now because of it. I actually have respect for myself now. I dropped 10 pounds in no time from giving up the wine (that seemed to be a concern to you and so I mention this.) I am much happier being a sober mom then an absent, drunk mom.

This is my experience and I hope it helps you just a little on your path. Good choice in stopping at SR. Why not try not drinking this weekend since that is the time you usually do and find out what happens.

least

You say you don't think you're addicted to alcohol, but that drinking more than you want to is a problem. You also say you sometimes don't remember the second half of the night. That's blacking out and is a big red flag that your drinking is way out of control. Social drinkers (normal drinkers) don't worry about whether or not drinking is becoming a problem for them. Social drinkers don't drink til they pass out or black out.

Only you can say whether you're an alcoholic (have a problem with alcohol) but normal drinkers don't look up alcoholic websites and ask themselves if they have a problem with alcohol. Try giving it up completely for a while - a couple of weeks perhaps. If you can go without drinking for an extended period of time and not think about it constantly then maybe you don't have a problem.

Alcoholism isn't about what you drink or how often or how much. It's about what happens to you when you drink. You say you feel "guilty" and feel like "a bad mom". Perhaps you're trying to tell yourelf that you do have a problem. And drinking excessively while breastfeeding is not a good thing, as the alcohol passes into the milk supply.

Do you have a trusted doctor you could talk with? A pastor or trusted friend? It sounds to me as if you resent having little or no time for yourself. That's expected of a stay at home mom with two little kids. You DON'T have much time for yourself. Can you get help with childcare so that you can get out of the house? Having time for yourself may help you drink less, if drinking is your "me" activity.

Please stick around. Read and post. Ask questions. We are an international community of addict helping each other stay clean and sober. We'd love to help you get sober if that's what you want to do. I wish you the best. Be kind to yourself.

nogard

Welcome to SR

123bubblegum123

hey!

my name is rachel and i'm brand new to this site as well! I'm 18 and have 18 days sober - which is the longest for me in the past 6 years! i'm really struggling to stay sober, as i attend one of the biggest party schools in america. i would really love to meet/talk to sober people - i go to AA and have somewhat of a community but it'd be great to have one online as well (the more supports the better.)

i hope everyone is doing well - please get in touch with me, as i love meeting new people!

jdaisymae

Thank you all for your words of support and advice. Yes, I do believe I have a problem with alcohol since I binge drink on the weekends and sometimes a weekday here and there. I am going to try very hard to not drink this weekend and go from there. I have a great life and I don't want to end up regretting much more than I already do. My kids are too young to understand so I am hoping that I haven't damaged them too much from my drinking. I am trying to get some help with the kids during the week when my husband is out of town on business so that I can balance things better. I don't resent being a stay at home mom. I feel very lucky to have the opportunity to stay home with my babies. I just lost a bit of myself in this parenting process and thought I found it while drinking. Obviously, I was wrong! I am a work in progress. .....

MROBI

if someone is asking if they r out of control and what is wrong with them, they r actually at the begining of step one (admitting you have a problem). congradulations on taking the first step towards your recovery. only 11 more to go.

Horselover

You are right Jdaisy - 3 years old and 5 months, they won't remember it at all. Great to stop now. I didn't do it soon enough, but hopefully he's not scarred for life. He seems fine to me, but I sure as Hell am glad I stopped now. Wish he was 3 years old when I had though, but can't change the past only the future.

CarolD

Blessings to you and your family


Please read this link...Blackouts discussed
on #17...but do read all of the info

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html


Welcome to our recovery community

Latte

Welcome.

Please speak to your doctor about drinking while breastfeeding.

LuvinMe

Welcome

jdaisymae

I actually did talk to my doc about drinking while breastfeeding. It turns out that as bad as it is, luckily only about 2% of the alcohol gets into the breastmilk. Not that I m trying to justify my behavior, but it did make me feel a little better about it. I should have just used pumped milk or formula. I hope she's ok.......
Does anyone have any experience with this?????