Horselover

I've walked the road for 5 months plus a few days and so far I have learned that there are a lot of people that will still dip their toes in the water to see if the water has changed. I have learned from these people that it hasn't and I am glad for that because I have a bit of test coming up.

My gram passed away last week and I am going back to spend some days with my dad and my in laws are doing the transporting from the airport to and fro and so a couple of days with them also. I could easily go back and be my "old" self. Have some wine because husband wouldn't know and my dad and in laws don't have to know I have stopped drinking. I see this waiting for me and so I saw a post from a friend debating this very issue and thought why. Have I changed in 5 months? Am I no longer an alcoholic? Can I NOW drink sensibly? Yeah right and the moon is made of cheese.

I called mother in law yesterday and during the course of conversation let her know I no longer drink. My dad will be told ahead of time too. I don't want that kind of struggle when I return to my old home.

I also spent the morning in the ER yesterday because of chest pains the day before. I learned that I did not get away with anything due to my drinking and have officially GERD. I was very surprised, but happy to find out I was not experiencing a heart attack. I had chest pains for over 10 minutes and it really freaked me and my son out. All is well - Thank God!

I don't have time to investigate whether or not I could drink sensibly or not. I have to go by the notion that I quit because I couldn't drink sensibly. There was no such thing as one glass once in awhile. It was until bed and many, many glasses and it was every night. Not a way to live and raise a family.

That's me and that's what I know so far. Thank you friends.

Dee74

I'm very glad to read this post just before I go to bed HL...even if you did make me look up GERD lol.

I'm glad you're ok, and I'm especially glad you're being pre-emptive about this trip and being with yr family.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I think you'll be fine tho - you get the important priorities of life - your son, your husband your health - all these things, and many others, rest on you not drinking. Telling ppl you're not drinking anymore, a plan made ahead, and being forearmed about likely scenarios, is an excellent strategy.

go you!
D

Anna

That's a great choice that you made, Horselover.

I think it shows that you have changed and you are living an honest life. That's something that happened to me, somewhere along the road of recovery. You are being true to yourself and that's the way to move forward.

Pelican

Happy travels to you HL!

As you said so well in your post, you have learned from others. Now you are also teaching others.

I recently spent a mini-vacation with my siblings and family. My sis knew I had quit drinking. My children already knew I was staying sober. My brother was not informed ahead of time, but quickly figured it out. I am glad that most everyone was informed before I arrived. We were able to enjoy our limited time together and not spend precious time focusing on my issues.

Thank you for sharing. My sympathy to you at your family at this time.

Rella927

Horse so sorry for your loss sweetness

IMHO I think you know the answers to these questions! Change is hard for any of us drinking or not IMHO and you have shown such vast changes in your life- And from those changes you have given so much to others in these forums, that is a blessing to all!

I agree you having a plan as you head to be with family during this hard time is showing how much you have progressed in your recovery! Take us with you and know that we are there in spirit-keep your mind on track as you have just done now and moving in the right direction! Having gained so much in these last 5 months and knowing what drinking will do to all that hard work-it is not sensible and you know the answer to that!

And the moon is made of cheese? Hmmmm I thought it was a man smiling down on us when we needed to know we were moving in the right direction! (I know bad! LOL)

Super big 's to you Horse!

Love ya
Rellz

Bamboozle

HL :ghug3


You have so much strength.

tommyk

I see a lot of hard earned wisdom in your words, Horse.

Relapse - been there, done that, it didn't help, it made things worse - every time.

We can learn from the mistakes of others as they always, 100% of time it appears, come back to say their testing of the waters yielded the same negative results as before. We no longer feel the need to test the waters.

Keep coming back!!!

least

I am in complete agreement with your statement. I know beyond a doubt that I can never drink again, not even one, cause for me there's no such thing as "just one". I've already done too much "research" and the results were always negative. I'm not going 'back there' cause there's nothing back there that I want.

Congrats on your five plus months sober!

:ghug3

getr345

Exactly. That's why I quit and that's how I feel.

I'm sure I could have just one. But the problem is, the just one opens up the possibility of just 8 the next day, or just 14 that next weekend, or just plain drunk at the next party, and I never want that again for my head, so I must grip hard the reality that just zero is the best way, moving forward. Good luck to you.

Toomutch

Horsie - First of all congratulations on your sober time - you are an inspiration to so many of us.
You already have a plan set in motion for the visit with your family and I am sure all will go well, and you can spend some quality time with your family although I'm sure your grandmothers passing is hard on all of you.

You are an extremely strong woman and I respect you so much.

BTW - That GERD sure is a bitter pain isn't it? No pun intended.

Be Safe,
Suzette

Mattcake

Horsie, congrats! 5 months is huge

Also, congratulations on handling this situation so clearly. Just goes to show that sometimes it is a good idea to pause for a second and think Yeah, why experiment? Just leave good enough alone, lol.

Reflux is horrible. I had GERD back when I was drinking and stressing about everything. I hope your doc is treating it, as there are several safe options to deal with the condition.

Sorry to hear about your loss...

Hilltopper1972

5 months is big, great job! Each time I quit for a bit and then went back to drinking, I "was" able to have just a drink or two and in most cases didn't even like it. For whatever reason though once I realized that it caused me no harm, I had a few more and then, whammo! 2 bottles a night. I suppose we are all that way somehow. I just lost my Grandma a few months ago. We all partied after she died, my parents, my siblings etc. I don't mean after the funeral, I mean like an hour after. Anyway, I'm sorry for your loss and so glad you are making plans to be successful and come home sober from this trip. These are the tests that will make us that much better in dealing with similar ones in the future.

Tazman53

Horse my condolances on your grams and heart felt prayers. 5 months is an awesome achievement, it sounds like you have all your ducks in a row for the trip. I quickly discovered that keeping my alcoholism, or my sobriety a secret made for a tough row to hoe, getting it out there takes of all the pressure. Do not get me wrong, I do not/did not scream it from the rood tops, but if it comes up in conversation I do not make any bones about it, I am an alcoholic and I have quit drinking.

Stay in prayer, it will be fine.

Eclipse

I am so sorry for your loss and so proud of your resolve and thinking ahead of how to handle the situation. 5 months to too much time to throw away. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Horselover

Thanks to everyone that posted and you know the ironic part is my Gram was to turn 90 the week she died. She got pancreatic cancer. She and Gramps were the only BIG drinkers in our family. They would drink all day on both Saturday and Sunday. No one ever said they were alcoholics, but . . . She was a tough woman. She lost Grandpa when she was pretty young - 50s and went into a deep depression for a couple of months. She pulled out of it and went on living another 40 years. She was someone I would call a strong woman.

Thanks everyone once again and by the way, for anyone contemplating a relapse, I don't need any more lessons. I have learned from the ones that have gone ahead of me and so you don't need to do it for me. Okay? Thanks any ways!

FizzyWater

The moons not made of cheese !!!!!!!!!!

Oh and Dee, see if when you'd looked GERD up, you'd explained what it was, you'd have saved me having to look it up as well, anyway I'm not explaining, anyone else that doesn't know can look it up themself as well, I had to, hummph so there !!!!!!!!!

Anyways sorry about your Gran Horsie, glad you seem to have things worked out though, as you know I'm been having my own wee drama over in the 6 months thread, feeling better tonight though.

So were both having a few days away at family do's, least mines is a happier event.

I'm off on friday, hopefully we'll both return safe and sober next week.

Oh, nearly forgot, thanks huns.

Hope

I'm sorry for your loss, HL.

Congrats on 5 months.

Don't drink. You can get through it.

Vintersemestre

Fantastic achievement, I'm going to be at month 2 soon and things are already looking a bit brighter than they did after month 1.

Last Call

Congrats on 5 months!

Right you are, and something that I have to remind myself of often. Besides I have performed this investigation more than a few times with the same predictable result.

LC

Dean62

Great job on telling your family what is going on. I love the "my husband won't know" thinking. Classic!!! It is great to see you are able to learn from others going back out. I did that more times then I can count and they were right Horsie, it doesn't get better. No point in going back to that way of life ever again.

I know why you are going but on positive side now you have a chance to spend some sober time with your family.

Enjoy every moment.