marle

I did a little background check on Megan's new boyfriend. Things just are not adding up with him. I found out that he was arrested on August 18 for 3rd degree criminal sexual conduct. I seriously don't know what to do with this information. She really likes him, is living with him now. I know that I should just show her the information. I don't know if she knows. What would you all do in my position. I know that I should not have looked but I had that funny, gut feeling. Marle

TTOSBT

I am not sure if I should respond because I am not a friend or family member
But I would just tell her. I don't know if that was official codie behavior but if it was my daughter and I got a strange feeling, I would have done the same and I would be honest with my daughter about it. MOO.

ETA: After you have shared the information then the ball is in her court as to what to do about it. Your part will be officially over.

cece1960

Thats a tough one marle, but keep in mind that those types of charges can be the result of poor judgment when you're young, and the "victim" is younger...sometimes by a little as two years.

I'd hate to see a young man suffer for years after an incident when no one thought of any of it as criminal...more like young love/lust. Then an angry parent throws the book at the boy

On the other hand, I shudder to think of a much different scenario.

I would be very tempted to ask the young man himself.

TTOSBT

But this just happened 2 months ago, right?
Shouldn't your daughter know what this is? Wouldn't she have been with him during this time?
This is what i was assuming when I replied...

Rebecca4

What made you check up on him honey?

Freedom1990

I was raped back in my 20's, so my answer may not be the best as it's emotional, but I wouldn't hesitate to let her know. How she reacts to the information is up to her.

There are times I have to quell a lot of fear over the guys my youngest AD has gone out with

I do express my feelings and fears with her. Whether she really takes it to heart, I don't know. I've done my part.

littlebird77

I would tell her, but when you do, I would have the information of where you found it with you. (tell her about your funny feeling too.)

wenchris

I would look and see if he is on Michigan's publicly posted sex offender website. If he is there, it is because it is public knowledge and he has to register his address. I, personally, check the website every so often, just to check out my little space in the world. I don't think I am alone in doing this, that is what it is for. "Megan do you know this guy is on this public info website?" I don't really have another answer. Who allowed them out of their bubbles, anyway?

cece1960

I missed the August 18th date in your post...I'm sure its fresh on his mind. I would still be tempted to ask him...and perhaps allow him to approach her.
I guess I just get stuck on trying to let my kid work out things for himself, although I'm not as good at it as I'd like to be

Rowan

Several years ago my sis was involved with a guy - and my Dad was suspicious of him. Dad was a police officer and ran his criminal record - found out he was up on numerous fraud charges. He approached the guy - and said 'you tell her, or I tell her' - so the guy told her himself, but only after saying my Dad put him up to it.
My sis freaked out on Dad, said he was interfering etc etc

... but she broke up with him 2 weeks later. She had calmed down enough to put the pieces together - and found out this guy was taking the money for rent she was giving him and gambling with it.

That's just been my experience... I hope it helps.

Chino

I would ask her if she knows about it then step away.

I looked up Michigan's penal code and here you go:

750.520d. Third degree criminal sexual conduct
Sec. 520d. (1) A person is guilty of criminal sexual conduct in the third degree if the person engages in sexual penetration with another person and any of the following circumstances exist:
(a) That other person is at least 13 years of age and under 16 years of age.
(b) Force or coercion is used to accomplish the sexual penetration. Force or coercion includes but is not limited to any of the circumstances listed in section 520b (1) (f) (I) to (v).
(c) The actor knows or has reason to know that the victim is mentally incapable, mentally incapacitated, or physically helpless.
(2) Criminal sexual conduct in the third degree is a felony punishable by imprisonment for not more than 15 years.

greeteachday

Good advice here...What a difficult situation. I know I couldn't not pass the information along. If it is such a recent charge, it surely hasn't come to court yet. Maybe Megan even knows his side of the story? If it was my daughter, I would give her the info and tell her why I relapsed and snooped. After that, I would have to let it go. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least say, did you know that...

marle

I told her just before we went to our respective meetings. She already knew about it and he has since had the charges dropped. Showed me the papers from the court. Seems he was at a party and some girl decided to cry rape. When it was found out that she had done this before and he had witnesses that nothing happened. She did a rape kit and there was no presense of semen. She has since left the state and there is a warrant out for her. What did not make sense to me was that I know my daughter has her issues but this is not one that even she would want to deal with. So I guess I need to go back to MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS. Hugs, Marle

peaceteach

Glad that it all turned out and you can rest easy about this particular thing, Marle

CatsPajamas

((( marle )))

It just shows you're a mom and you're human. Lessons learned all around.

BIG MOM HUGS
Cats

Callie

Hugs Marle - It's so hard to MMOB when it's someone you love - sorry you're dealing with this girl.

littlebird77

i like this idea better, to confront him.

Done_With_It

I think you did the right thing.

Nothing in this world could keep me from keeping that info. from my kid.
Especially considering it hasn't been all that long that I was GHB'ed by two
"Friends" of mine. No way would I keep that info. from someone.
Just like you I would let it be her info. after that.
I think you did good.

Someone very close to me is on the sexul offenders list for something he didn't
do, so I do think it is a hard call sometimes. But it's not worth taking the chance.

JMO