wearymama

I am finding that so many things in my life are easier with my husband in jail. I am not thinking about where he is or what kind of trouble he could be getting into. I know where he is. I don't have to hide money, credit cards, check cards or valuables. My cash is in my wallet and I have not had even one embarassing incident where I went to pay for something and discovered that I had no money. I was able to fill the car up with gas and know that it would not be burned off by him running all over the place. I don't have to wonder who he's on the phone with now, because I have disconnected his phone. I don't have to wonder if he's lying about where he's going or how much later he'll be than he says. I'm not wondering who he's been hitting up for money, or if I'll be getting another NSF notice from the bank tomorrow. Taking care of the kids by myself IS tough, but he was gone a lot of the time anyway, and I was always suspicious about leaving them alone with him when he was home. My oldest is having trouble adjusting, he's acting out, etc. but the youngest doesn't seem to notice that he's not around. I even confronted one of my husband's 'friends' who has been enabling him to continue to get pills despite being cut off by everyone in our family. I didn't realize until now just how used to the drama I had become. Well, no more! I'm finished with the cycle. Maybe this stint will be an eye opener for AH, but even if it hasn't for him, it certainly has been for me! Anyway, just venting

hello-kitty

hi weary. Enjoy the peace and quiet. When my now-ex went to jail (the second time), I found it was a PERFECT opportunity for me to figure out what I wanted out of life and how I planned on achieving that in the future. I set boundaries for the kind of behavior that I would be willing to accept around me and my son in the future. I determined the actions I would take if my boundaries were violated. Most important I wrote it all down and sent it to him in jail so that he would be aware of what would happen if he chose to go back to his old lifestyle.

Unfortunately for him, he went back to drugs about 2 months after he was released from jail and I was forced to change the locks and follow through on my promises to myself.

So anyway, welcome and keep posting. ;-)

greeteachday

I'm glad you are enjoying the peace. I agree with Kitty that the time when we can get away fromt he day to day drama and fear and stress of living with active addiction is a great tiem to focus on our own recivery. I used the times my duaghter was in rehab to up my meetings, make plans and re-center. Sounds like you are healing and figuring out what works for you. Hugs

barblsn

I wanted to take my wedding rings off when he went out on a crack binge, but I didn't want him to steal them. The first thing I did when he was arrested was to take them OFF and put them in my jewelry box. I got a lot of peace when he was locked up.

BellasNona

Hey mama, glad to hear you are feeling more at ease. I can't wait for that day to come. I am in a weird pattern still, checking phone records, distributing money to him like a kid going to school, etc. It must be a huge relief to know where he is and that he is safe at the same time feel some freedom to live normally. Your child is another issue. You should have him see someone, children need to let that anger and frustration out. My kids are 14 years and up, its alittle easier for them to understand and tell me how they feel. I still offered the support for them if they need it outside of talking to me. Good thoughts and prayers going your way