JMFburns

Hi,
My home phone just rang, I checked the caller ID & it said Pay Phone. I didn't answer and no message was left.
It was my 28 yr. old AS. Things really escalated to a bad place on Friday. I just need to know someone is out there . . . Hello?

ctrom40

I am here, but also at work

Tell us my friend, what is going on?

BBD

You know I'm here kiddo ~~~

Jody Hepler

I'm here - what's up?

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

JMFburns

Friday my AS met me after work on the street (I was going to give him the title to my 2nd car so he could sell it if he wanted for $.) Anyway . . . what he really needed was $ right then and there. I didn't have any, he begged me to write a check to the local impound lot because he claims he got his friends car stuck there, $400 to get it out on Friday cuz it had been there a while. He kept blocking my way from walking away and even got down on his knees on the street to beg me to give him money. We were close to the government center so I finally ran in there and talked to a security guard - my son left.
I went back to my office bldg. called a Naranon member & talked for a while. A coworker was still there & we talked for a bit, she waited w/me for my bus. When I got home AS was waiting at my apt. complex & did the same thing . . . begged and pleaded for money said he needs to get the friends car out of impound ($400) and broke a friends tv and owes her $400. Said the friend that he owes the money to for the tv has asked someone to beat him up and the guy kept calling to find him. He seemed terrified. But kept blocking my way into the apt.
I finally walked across the street to an ATM & gave him $180 & told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore-that he had to go to jail, rehab, get a job working 40-60 hours a week, or something to prove he is getting his life back.
I was panicky & felt guilty for leaving him out there w/no support. I feel stupid for "hiding". My daughter called the police and talked to them about an Order for Protection. The officer was going to try calling my sons cell phone & tell him not to bother us. Did he get beat up? Did he pay anybody?
Just need reassurance that I've gotta continue to try and say "no" and wonder what I should do if he tries to call or shows up again?

So . . . today is Monday, I'm off work due to Columbus day & the home phone rang.

I posted this, sent a PM to a couple folks and then went and took a shower. Thanks for the reply Colleen.

AquaBlue

(((JMF))) Hang in there. I'm sorry you're going through this right now, stay strong! I'll be thinking of you today, and praying... If he calls, don't answer the phone and if he shows up don't answer the door (and/or call the police). You ARE doing the right thing.

sleepygoat

Wow, what a terrible situation. I know what its like to see your own kid beg for money, and its both scary and pathetic and terribly sad. I didn't experience the stuff about people being after her and ready to beat her up, though, -so I can only imagine the fear and pain that puts you thru. I can appreciate the sort of compromise you reached, with giving him some money, though not the amount he asked for. Trouble is, he probably will just use it for drugs and not pay anybody back at all - even if he really believed at the time that he would use the $ to pay everybody back. Addiction is just like that.
Mainly I am just praying that this is your child's bottom right now, and that he is seeking help. Or else that he gets arrested and finds some help thru "the alternate route", if you know what I mean...
What I do when I am beside myself with feelings about my kid, is I just keep reminding myself who my higher power is, and I keep telling myself that although I am powerless, my God is not, and that He knows exactly how to work it so that she gets on the path to recovery.

ctrom40

JMF,

I am sorry that you have to go through this, especially on a well-deserved holiday for you.
It is a difficult thing that we as parents of addicts must do, but we know that we must do it.

I agree, don't answer the phone, or the door.
If you have any fears, call the police immediately.

You know in your heart what you son wants the money for.
Move out of the way and let his HP lead the way.

We are all here in cyber spirit for you.
Some of your codie friends are packing for their well-deserved trip, but we are all here for you.

Stay strong.
Hugs,

JMFburns

Thank you - I feel like I failed for giving him anything, but also like I did what I had to do at the time.
The phone rang a 2nd time from the same pay phone - still no message was left. My mind goes a little bezerk with the possibilities . . . what if he's in detox or rehab & trying to let me know (reply "well good for him and he can work on himself") . . . what if he's in jail (reply "well at least he's not on the street & I have no intention of bailing him out so") . . . what if he has money to pay me back (reply " he could leave a message & say that") . . . I just can't talk to him yet. Friday (all of last week) was too scary for me.
Joan

rozied

You did good in leiu of the circumstances. I have been dealing with my AS for too many yrs & if he did that to me I don't know how strong I could be. You did good mom.
Diane

mooselips

JMFburns,
Hugs to you, I know how hard this is.
Once you make it absolutely clear you will give out no money, he will stop calling you.

I have had my oldest tell me that drug dealers were going to kill him, my youngest son, when he needed money said his GF was kidnapped by the Russian Mafia.

Of course we have no way of knowing if these things are true...although the Russian Mafia? Come on!

But what I do now is give NO money. I would have probably offered to go to the impound lot before I gave cash.

It's hard to know what to do, I know...sometimes we just have to stop and think it out...

Hugs to you...
I hope and pray he's in Rehab, or jail.

HurtingDad

I've forgotten number of times my son has asked for money so someone doesn't beat him up or kill him. Think I helped him the first 2 times and then it dawned on me - he's a lying addict. But it's so touch at times to see someone you love begging for money.
You did good... may this time he is in rehab of jail.

Prayers for you and your AS.

outtolunch

My daughter once offered to lick our bathroom floor clean for $10 and proceeded to do so. The image of that will haunt me, forever.

JMFburns

ARGH!!! Two more phone calls from a local store. I finally left to buy bread & milk - just get away.

Thank you all for offering support and encouragement - I really need it stay strong and keep turning my mind away from worrying.

Impurrfect

(((JMF)))

Good for you for reaching out and not answering the phone. Can't tell you the days I've just stayed on SR all day for the support...it always works.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

BBD

Joan, I'm glad you went out for your milk and bread. It's a shame we sometimes feel like we have to hide away but thats not the answer. Remember~~no cash!! Its not so bad helping on the recovery side but helping for drugs is a big no-no!! You know that. I'm hoping that phone doesn't ring till your daughter can answer it...Have a nice evening and get lost in some TV show.....hugs, Bonnie

Limiya

JMF, i really feel for you. You did good, and you're still doing good.
I would have found that situation scary too.

~Limiya~

beegee

Its good you don't answer the phone. Sounds like he know that and now and tries to corner you for money. Try not to give it if you can help it. Hope your going to meetings to get some support there also. Stay strong..

sistergldnhair

God, I feel so terrible for you. It must have been tearing you up inside to see your son begging, and I'm new at this, and all these people have great advice. I admire your strength, and although I'm kinda a newbie here, know I'm thinking of you. It sucks that we always have to feel such anxiety, always at the of our seat.

Eileen

Hangin' In

JMF,

There were times when I was so swayed by my AD that I had to have written statements, on a card, by the phone for when she called and I actually answered. Here are some of those statements:

I'm sorry you feel that way. (For when she was trying to guilt me or intimidate me.)

Oops, hit "sent reply" or whatever before I was finished. Read below.