daniel7

I've had to let her go, for good this time. It's been little over a week and a half since I saw her, and then only briefly to drop off her gear. I've been coping fairly well I think. Well, until tonight anyway. I miss her terribly.

She had been sober since April with only one lapse (ok, so that means she hasn't technically been sober since April...) and was making great progress (albeit on her own.) I stopped going to Al-Anon meetings since the move in April.

In the space of the last 2 weeks she has lost everything on a binge with her mother (yes, her mother.) She's lost her job, her friends and a place to live...and she's lost me. But that's her thing.

Me, I've lost the girl that I love and it's killing me. This time is different though, because I know I'm not going back and that I'm moving on. I just hope she finds her recovery. I know she doesn't want that life anymore, but that addiction just keeps picking at her.

But to sum it all up, I'm trying my best to look after me first. Cause that's all I can do.

I'm new by the way - and I live in New Zealand.

ANGELINA243

Welcome daniel! Glad you are here! Sorry to hear about your gf. I hope she finds recovery too someday. You are right--you need to take care of yourself--first and foremost. I know you are hurting right now..that is understandable. You will find lots of support here.

daniel7

Thanks, I do forget the benefits of sharing and talking until I actually start doing it again. Right now I feel like weakening with her, and it's a crazy thought considering what I've been through these last 2 weeks. I swear if she rings, I may pick up that phone - I've not been answering her calls for the last few days. But, tonight - or this morning I should say - I may give in. I just miss her.

lovesmenot74

Daniel,

Welcome ... you've come to a good place. Some days, SR is the only thing that keeps me sane. I know how it is to miss someone. I miss my ex so terribly .... it's mind boggling isn't it? All we put up with and then still seem to miss them so badly when we finally decide to take care of ourselves.

I don't have any advice, just wanted you to know you're not the only one who couldn't sleep last night for missing the person they've loved with everything they had ...

I'm sorry you're hurting.

bluerskies

Hi Daniel,
There is a reason you are leaving her. Although this may sound harsh, and it is just an opinion, I think everytime you think of picking up that phone, you should also ask yourself why you left.

Wishing you comfort right now.

veryrestless722

I know the pain your goin through and how easily it is to give in an go back to them from the pain of missing them. My AH is the most cruel person ive ever met, has hurt me in every way he could think of, yet in my mind I always wish he was back, even though I wont take him back. Its a tough situation to be in, time makes it a little easier

GrowingPains

It's been just over a month since mine's been gone and I do miss parts of him, but not the whole. I hope you're lucky enough to get where I am -- I love him, but know I can't live with him 'as is.' This knowledge prevents me from hoping for his return, as I can't stand the thought of going back to how things were.

denny57

Hey there daniel, glad you posted!

I understand the pain - it does get better, I promise. Keep posting!

((( daniel7 )))

baileyboop

Welcome, and may this be a vessel of healing for you and your heart.

steve11694

hey, you stole my story, the only difference being my aw did not drink with her mother.

it is not easy to let go of someone you love so much. sinc u r in NZ try doing some surfing, it helps for body and mind