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I am an escort and alcoholic

Old 10-11-2008, 09:25 PM
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I am an escort and alcoholic

My, that sounds terrible even just typing it.

I have posted before about my fear of going back into AA. I was in AA for 42 days and then went back out for 5 months. Today I have 4 days and I am really excited about the future!

A lot of my fear has to do with the fact that I cannot be totally honest about who I am. I am also worried because my line of work is almost "required drinking". I searched the forum and can't find any info along the lines of my specific problem....

So....I am a high end escort/call girl. I started because of financial reasons, I am trying desperately to get out, but I have a child in need of financial resouces. I primarily do dinner dates and drinking is expected. I started a new business that has gone beyond my expectations and I expect to be out of the "business" in the next 90 days.

For now, I must do this to provide for my childs needs. The problems are:

1) I can't be honest in the rooms. Will this thwart by ability to overcome this problem? I am afraid to get a sponsor because I can't be totally honest with her.

2) Most of my clients prefer to drink Champagne or wine with me. I am learning to stay away from people, places and things but it is difficult as an escort.

My child will suffer if I quit escorting (earning money). Should I put sobriety on hold until I no longer need to escort? I have been telling my clients that I have eliminated alcohol in my diet but they want me to have "just a sip of Champagne" to start the evening. They have no idea that I am an alcoholic.

If I am anything, I am a wonderful mother. I am also a great friend, sister, daughter, business person and generally a great person. I am not a bad girl, I just happen to have some problems that seem to have no solution.

Please advise.

Thanks!
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Old 10-11-2008, 10:15 PM
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I know a lot of woman, myself included, who were in this kind of work and gave it up when they got sober, or (like me) got too messy to work.

I am unsure if you need to be dishonest with a sponsor about this kind of thing and your need to continue. I know of a few woman who have carried on this kind of work into soberity. Personally, I couldn't. Like you have said, I had to drink to get through it.

Regarding the need to drink with them, I'm sure if you 'just happen to be on medication that requires you to stay alcohol free' or a similar story, most people would be understanding of this. Saying you are allergic to alcohol is another good excuse also.

Keep an open mind about what you think, others in AA will think of your situation. It shocked the heck out of me when my sponsor told me about a rather 'well known' madame and escourt was a member of our fellowship. And I think she's 12 stepped a few girls because of her line of work.
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Old 10-11-2008, 10:22 PM
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Congrads on 4 days sober and welcome to SR.... Im glad that you found us and its good to hear you "have a desire" to be sober.

Most of the Alcoholics I know are wonderful people... and its sad that some I know continue to keep putting their Soberity on hold for one reason or another. Only you can answer if you should stop drinking and when.....

I got help for my disease when the pain got bad enough, when I could not look people in the eyes and be honest it gave me feelings of shame, worthlessness and hopelessness. That is when I walked into my first Al-anon meeting.... and when the pain/shame of my behavior was worse then the pain of being honest and getting help .... that is when I stayed and changed my behavior. Not easy for anyone and I had to make some really hurtful/hard choices.....

But today Im free of the shame, dishonesty and pain.... I may not be proud of some of the things I have done in my past but I no longer feel like I have to hide them or be controlled by them. I can admitt who I am and be grateful.

I wish the same for you, stick around.... I think you would be suprised at how much many of us have in common.
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Old 10-12-2008, 02:41 AM
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You deserve much respect for making this big step of being honest and asking for advice. For your immediate question - should you put your sobriety on hold? - I say no, for this reason: The odds of you truly getting out of the business in the next 90 days are a lot less if you're drinking than if you're not.

I'm not judging saying you should or shouldn't get out of the business. I'm going with your stated goal which is to get out.

So.....I would explore what lizw said about saying that you're on medication that requires that you don't drink for now. Probably would work best if you told them something specific, as in either the medication itself or the reason for taking it, but you'd have to be careful not to make it some medical condition that would make them less likely to do business with you. If you don't tell them something then they will think the worst themselves.

Best of luck, and please continue to post if for no other reason than it's good to have an outlet for your thoughts and it's hard enough for alcoholics to get that outlet without being in the escort business too.

You'll make it through this.
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Old 10-12-2008, 03:14 AM
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First of all, so glad you posted! How about saying you're diabetic? That wouldn't be any kind of disease that would be off-putting to a man, yet would clearly explain why you can't drink right now...your sugar levels are all out of whack. Also explains why you could drink before, as before they were fine (or you didn't know about the "diabetes" yet). Yes, I'm a fabulous liar.

Making such a big change in your job is a huge step. There are a lot of us here who've had "alternative" careers. You might find the women are more open to discussing it if you also posted in the women's forum.
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Old 10-12-2008, 06:08 AM
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Being on medication that precludes drinking could be a handy way of getting out of having to drink. I agree that you should not put off your desire to stop drinking. It will only get harder to do that the longer you continue to drink. I wish you the best in getting sober.

Welcome!


Congrats on four days sober!
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Old 10-12-2008, 06:33 AM
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Welcome to SoberRecovery.
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Old 10-12-2008, 06:45 AM
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Welcome!

I'm glad you're reaching out for help.

Personally, I believe you only need to tell anyone what you want to tell them. But, being honest with yourself is another story. That was a huge issue for me, and I think it's essential for recovery. I'm glad that you are seeking help.
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Old 10-12-2008, 07:36 AM
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I have been in the entertainment business. While I was drinking I had more gigs I went to more parties I smoked pot and did crystal meth and drank myself half to death.

My gigs are fewer and farther between and I don't make as money as I used to. But I am a more real person now. I don't wake up in places unknown any more.
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Old 10-12-2008, 07:58 AM
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Welcome BeachAngel -

I respect you for coming on here and telling us your story.

Dancing girl had a great idea and so have the others. However as Anna said "you need to be true to yourself."

We are all alcoholics with different stories - most we are not proud of.

Be proud of yourself for seeking help and please keep posting.
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Old 10-12-2008, 11:55 AM
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BeachAngel,

As has happened before, Dancinggirl has taken a suggestion I made and made it better. I like her idea of considering diabetes as a great cover. (DG, you are pretty good at lying, hmmmm, well that's another discussion, haha)

Now I'd like to add on to DG's other idea. I understand the thought that a women's only thread could get you some more, or at least different, open discussion. BTW, I'm a guy if you haven't figured that out. You and I both know that there are just as many, if not more, women that are judgemental about any sex related industry. So I suggest you do both - keep this thread current and start one up in the women's forum too if you like. Then it's up to you as to what you want to say and where you want to say it.

I haven't shared this on any thread, because I've had enough other issues to deal with, but I have an interesting connection to the industry too. Not sure how much I'll go public with so I'll just leave it at that for now.

My point is that if you get male and female input then you have a bigger basket of feedback that you can use/consider/ignore.

Hope that helps.
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Old 10-12-2008, 02:39 PM
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Secrets keep us sick!!
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Old 10-12-2008, 02:52 PM
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Well, I was an alcoholic at one point, then a pothead, and am now an opiate addict. Working on becoming a buddha addict :P I can count the amount of times I've drank alcohol in the past year on one hand. Just know that it is doable, you can stop, you just have to say no.
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Old 10-12-2008, 03:48 PM
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Sorry if I sounded exclusionary!! Joinedintime, I know you weren't mad at me. Joinedintime is right, there are lots of people, both male and female, who will have lots of beneficial things to add to this...I'm just too much of a chicken to post some things outside of the women's forum and didn't know if you were aware we'd had one (or maybe I'm lying....lol....kidding!).
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Old 10-13-2008, 03:56 PM
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Thank you so much everyone! I have decided just to tell clients "I have eliminated alcohol and sugar from my diet". For some reason this was so confusing for me. I am not seeing clients that were big drinkers and am telling my moderate drinker clients to please abstain in my presence of else they will ruin my diet! Sounds good.

I am off to a meeting, thanks so much for you help. xo

Beach Angel
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