Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Recovery

How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . .

Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated. In those moments, we may begin to believe that the solution to our pain and frustration is getting the other person to do what we want, or having the outcome we desire. But these self-defeating illusions put the power and control of our life in other people's hands. We call this codependency.

The solution to our pain and frustration, however valid is to acknowledge our own feelings. We feel the anger, the grief; then we let go of the feelings and find peace - within ourselves. We know our happiness isn't controlled by another person, even though we may have convinced ourselves it is. We call this acceptance.

Then we decide that although we'd like our situation to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and plan in play, one that's better than we could have orchestrated. We call this faith.

Then we decide what we need to do, what is within our power to do to take care of ourselves. That's called recovery.

It's easy to point our finger at another, but it's more rewarding to gently point it at ourselves.

Today, I will live with my pain and frustration by dealing with my own feelings.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

greeteachday

To me this reading is recovery in a nutshell - recognizing our codependency; accepting reality, trusting in a higher power by turning over all the things we can not control, and chosing to take responsbility for what we can control - ourselves. Thanks, Ann.

SerenityGirl

This reading totally hit home for me, especially about when we put the power and control of our lives in other peoples hands, that is what codependency is.....I still have a ways to go learning how to deal with my feelings.Thanks Ann

hope213

i can remember when my a.s. was the last thing i thought of every nite & the first thing i thought of every morning. i am so glad i have gotten out of that grip. i have come such a long way in my recovery. i have days where i have a set back but it does not take over my mind & ruin my whole day. thanks for the post. it is always good to b reminded where we were & be gratiful today where we are at.

Tarah

Having given myself a different name bc at times i have felt my name is cursed is really not my effort to avoid acceptance. I have needed to look at myself and accept that i can be a part of a plan without fear of being blamed & forgotten. I am greatfull i am not homeless so that i can let being safe sink in and let myself begin to work these steps. Teri seems cursed Tarah seems to give a damn without threat of further harm. Today i am sober & looking forward to group tomorrow.

Jessie1991

I’ve been in an extremely codependent relationship for four years. My boyfriend started out as a figure of leadership or like an authority role in my life. It was super fun and exciting at first…. I got to use that as my forever tool to blame him for everything. I loved this reading because it really helps me own my own stuff and to separate me from him. We are TWO human beings. We’re not ONE human being. And although he’s been horrible to me after some time… even abusive …. I chose to live in forgiveness and have hopes that one day I can chose healthier things for my life. But I won’t blame him or anyone else for how my life is.