AL to NY in 20 hours.....beat that!
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
AL to NY in 20 hours.....beat that!
Hello my friends! Just checking in to let everyone know that I made it to Buffalo, NY Wednesday night at 11 pm. I'm staying with a few friends until the weekend, because it really doesn't make sense for me to go home to my family quite yet as they are working.
Man, good friends are the way to go....I got a bed, a hot shower, they have fed me and listened to me!
On Tuesday when I left, I gave ABF a hug.....and we kissed several times. We looked into each other's eyes, and I knew that he loved me. And I still love him.
It was so hard to leave on Tuesday. I cried so hard. I made it to Chattanooga, TN and slept in a sort of swanky Best Western. I didn't call ABF. When I woke up Wednesday morning, life wasn't so bad....I didn't cry as much.
ABF sent me a text saying that he sent me an e-mail. This man is 28 and has NEVER had an e-mail address. He spent a really long time writing. He wrote that he knows he has a problem. Maybe this was just the kick in the pants that he needed.
I realized a lot of things on the way here. First of all, Alabama is REALLY not that far away from New York. I also realized that just because I left, doesn't mean it has to be the end. I believe in him still, and I have hope for us.
Lastnight I talked to him for the first time. He doesn't understand my choices, really....doesn't understand why i didn't just pretend to pack and stay in a hotel room. I told him I didn't think he would have gotten it at all.
I don't really know where to go from here.....but I know that we made the right choice. I will most likely have the baby here. Whether I go back is up to him.
I want to thank you all for your well wishes. The people here at SR are just wonderful!
You have all given me strength and hope. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and the middle of my belly! (Baby whethered the trip just fine.....lots of kicking whenever mommy cried....I think she's happy too!)
We'll check in soon when I'm at my parents house!
Love and light,
Kerry
Man, good friends are the way to go....I got a bed, a hot shower, they have fed me and listened to me!
On Tuesday when I left, I gave ABF a hug.....and we kissed several times. We looked into each other's eyes, and I knew that he loved me. And I still love him.
It was so hard to leave on Tuesday. I cried so hard. I made it to Chattanooga, TN and slept in a sort of swanky Best Western. I didn't call ABF. When I woke up Wednesday morning, life wasn't so bad....I didn't cry as much.
ABF sent me a text saying that he sent me an e-mail. This man is 28 and has NEVER had an e-mail address. He spent a really long time writing. He wrote that he knows he has a problem. Maybe this was just the kick in the pants that he needed.
I realized a lot of things on the way here. First of all, Alabama is REALLY not that far away from New York. I also realized that just because I left, doesn't mean it has to be the end. I believe in him still, and I have hope for us.
Lastnight I talked to him for the first time. He doesn't understand my choices, really....doesn't understand why i didn't just pretend to pack and stay in a hotel room. I told him I didn't think he would have gotten it at all.
I don't really know where to go from here.....but I know that we made the right choice. I will most likely have the baby here. Whether I go back is up to him.
I want to thank you all for your well wishes. The people here at SR are just wonderful!
You have all given me strength and hope. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and the middle of my belly! (Baby whethered the trip just fine.....lots of kicking whenever mommy cried....I think she's happy too!)We'll check in soon when I'm at my parents house!
Love and light,
Kerry
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Kerry)))
I'm glad you and the baby are safe and sound. I'm so proud of you doing what's best for the both of you. Who know's whether he will "get it" or not, but I always say hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and take care of you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm glad you and the baby are safe and sound. I'm so proud of you doing what's best for the both of you. Who know's whether he will "get it" or not, but I always say hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and take care of you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
I'm glad to hear you are both well, congrats to you on taking this step, whatever happens now, you are out of the chaos and can think with a clearer mind.
love to you both
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
love to you both
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
YAY!!! Safe and sound!
Let those good friends and family take care of you a little bit!
Whether I go back is up to him.
Not to be a total nudge but it is up to YOU!!!! You've taken the reigns here, and at a critical point in your life. Think long and hard before you get sucked back in by his surface changes!
Most people say "life is short" I say LIFE IS LONG - it is the longest thing I am ever gonna do! It is too long in fact for me to spend another second in a situation that is unbearable, because I just think of how long this unbearable thing will go on if I don't get out or change it or whatever! Makes my knees hurt just thinking about it. Life has many chapters and stages....all that to say - you are right that this separation may not mean you are finished BUT you have time on your side always, and more will be revealed as time moves forward - try to take it one day at a time.
Peace- I hope you are settled soon and feeling better!
B.
Let those good friends and family take care of you a little bit!
Whether I go back is up to him.
Not to be a total nudge but it is up to YOU!!!! You've taken the reigns here, and at a critical point in your life. Think long and hard before you get sucked back in by his surface changes!
Most people say "life is short" I say LIFE IS LONG - it is the longest thing I am ever gonna do! It is too long in fact for me to spend another second in a situation that is unbearable, because I just think of how long this unbearable thing will go on if I don't get out or change it or whatever! Makes my knees hurt just thinking about it. Life has many chapters and stages....all that to say - you are right that this separation may not mean you are finished BUT you have time on your side always, and more will be revealed as time moves forward - try to take it one day at a time.
Peace- I hope you are settled soon and feeling better!
B.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by Bernadette 
YAY!!! Safe and sound!
Let those good friends and family take care of you a little bit!
Whether I go back is up to him.
Not to be a total nudge but it is up to YOU!!!! You've taken the reigns here, and at a critical point in your life. Think long and hard before you get sucked back in by his surface changes!
Most people say "life is short" I say LIFE IS LONG - it is the longest thing I am ever gonna do! It is too long in fact for me to spend another second in a situation that is unbearable, because I just think of how long this unbearable thing will go on if I don't get out or change it or whatever! Makes my knees hurt just thinking about it. Life has many chapters and stages....all that to say - you are right that this separation may not mean you are finished BUT you have time on your side always, and more will be revealed as time moves forward - try to take it one day at a time.
Peace- I hope you are settled soon and feeling better!
B.
Let those good friends and family take care of you a little bit!
Whether I go back is up to him.
Not to be a total nudge but it is up to YOU!!!! You've taken the reigns here, and at a critical point in your life. Think long and hard before you get sucked back in by his surface changes!
Most people say "life is short" I say LIFE IS LONG - it is the longest thing I am ever gonna do! It is too long in fact for me to spend another second in a situation that is unbearable, because I just think of how long this unbearable thing will go on if I don't get out or change it or whatever! Makes my knees hurt just thinking about it. Life has many chapters and stages....all that to say - you are right that this separation may not mean you are finished BUT you have time on your side always, and more will be revealed as time moves forward - try to take it one day at a time.
Peace- I hope you are settled soon and feeling better!
B.
You are TOTALLY right on. It is up to me. I was thinking that today, actually. I am far enough away, that I don't have to go back. I have to do what's best for me and the baby....and let me tell ya....
I've scoped out some jobs already. Although I can't work at my career atleast until after the new year, I've seen some teaching jobs starting at $40K....with healthcare....and benefits!!!!!.....plenty of money to support me and baby girl, I think!
I have done a lot of thinking about our relationship. I have thought about all the things that I really don't care for about him. All the things I put up with because I THOUGHT I loved him. It was comfortable. I thought I was stuck there in Alabama.
When my father said----money is not an issue. COME HOME. It made me realize that I wasn't stuck....that I don't have to stay there. That I deserve a heck of a lot better than someone coming home whenever he wants, making me take care of his five year old.....etc.
And I've been researching a bit about emotional abuse.......can we add that to his resume? I'm not really sure, but I think maybe. He is DEFINITELY manipulative. Asked me what we were going to tell the boy child. Tells me the cat is looking for me.....just gotta keep tugging on those heart strings, I guess.
I realized I HAVE CONTROL of whether I answer the phone
Damn it feels good!!!
Who knows where we go from here...but we are enjoying ourselves...and Mommy is getting her life back on track. She is getting strong so she can be a good happy Mommy.
I hope you are all enjoying a sunshiny day of recovery....from whatever the addiction!
love and light,
K
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by Soconfused11
I'm glad you made it, you are so strong and an inspiration to me!
:ghug
:ghug
Listen to "Stronger woman in me" by Jewel.....
You are strong too. And you deserve not better.....BUT THE BEST!!!!
blessings to you today,
K
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Originally Posted by orviske
I have done a lot of thinking about our relationship. I have thought about all the things that I really don't care for about him. All the things I put up with because I THOUGHT I loved him. It was comfortable. I thought I was stuck there in Alabama.
When my father said----money is not an issue. COME HOME. It made me realize that I wasn't stuck....that I don't have to stay there. That I deserve a heck of a lot better than someone coming home whenever he wants, making me take care of his five year old.....etc.
And I've been researching a bit about emotional abuse.......can we add that to his resume? I'm not really sure, but I think maybe. He is DEFINITELY manipulative. Asked me what we were going to tell the boy child. Tells me the cat is looking for me.....just gotta keep tugging on those heart strings, I guess.
I realized I HAVE CONTROL of whether I answer the phone
Damn it feels good!!!
Who knows where we go from here...but we are enjoying ourselves...and Mommy is getting her life back on track. She is getting strong so she can be a good happy Mommy.
I hope you are all enjoying a sunshiny day of recovery....from whatever the addiction!
love and light,
K
For me, and this is JUST for me, as far as the "emotional abuse" issue goes, I don't really think of my last relationship as "abusive", She met like 90% of the "emotional abuse" criteria, and I know, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck etc etc but...my good buddy L----- said, "Look Andrew, look at it this way, she's like Edward Scissorhands right? knives for hands...except for she has like....seizures....anyone can see if you run in to help while she's having a seizure you are gonna get all cut up, and you have been cut up mercilessly and repeatedly while she has these "seizures" because you keep going back to her, but you keep going back again and again and getting all sliced up, then getting angry at her, and saying it's "her fault". She can't help her behaviors any more then an epileptic can stop having seizures, so what you need to do is stop trying to "rescue her" while she has these seizures. The choice is up to you, the choice is yours. If you go back, you know you will get cut up, so it's no longer "her fault" it's your responsibility for going back."
I'm not trying to minimize abuse, or let anyone "off the hook" it's just that it's not my job to "make" this other person see their behavior, it's my job to take care of myself, and I can't do that while I have any sort of contact with a female Edward Scissorhands with a history of "emotional seizures"
anyhow, I hope this made sense, and all opinions are about me, for me and only pertain to me, except for the one that says, YOU ROCK CHICA!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I'm so glad to hear that you are SAFE!!! It took a lot of guts to do what you did. And you made the right decision, regardless of your feelings right now, to put your well-being and that of your baby first.
I'm sure you are aware that the chances are good your bf will start calling, emailing, text messaging you A LOT. He's in panic mode. His enabler has left him.
Just hang tough, do your best to keep detaching with love, and keep us posted on how you are doing. You go, girl!!! ((((kerry))))
I'm sure you are aware that the chances are good your bf will start calling, emailing, text messaging you A LOT. He's in panic mode. His enabler has left him.
Just hang tough, do your best to keep detaching with love, and keep us posted on how you are doing. You go, girl!!! ((((kerry))))
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
glad to hear you left and made it safely, i know it must of been hard to leave
personally i wished i was stuck in alabama lol, thats where im from, what part of alabama were you in, im from Talladega
keep strong and keep us updated on the baby!!
personally i wished i was stuck in alabama lol, thats where im from, what part of alabama were you in, im from Talladega
keep strong and keep us updated on the baby!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 163
Kerry Lil Mama I'm so happy for you honey! I want to share something that has been happening in the very recent past with you, something for you to think about. I have always had very vivid dreams; lately I have been dreaming that I was back with R. He would tell me how much he loved me, etc. but then grab me or call me a name, act visibly intoxicated. In the dream I think to myself, what did I do, how could I have gone back to this, I was healing and moving on! In my dream I felt as though I would never again be able to live life on my own terms again.
I started having the dreams after he came to my work, I was still in my own way obsessing and doubting. This last week has been very enlightening for me and I am once again growing comfortable in my own skin again. The more I came back to me the fewer dreams I had. I am ready to get back out in the world again on my terms. I stopped having those dreams a couple of days ago.
The reason I am sharing this with you Kerry is because our souls and our subconscious will recognize what our hearts sometimes refuse to. Listen to what your head and your dreams tell you.
I am so proud of you Lil Mama, I knew you could do this. Give the little guy a hug for me if you know what I mean and tell him we love him and his mama too!
I started having the dreams after he came to my work, I was still in my own way obsessing and doubting. This last week has been very enlightening for me and I am once again growing comfortable in my own skin again. The more I came back to me the fewer dreams I had. I am ready to get back out in the world again on my terms. I stopped having those dreams a couple of days ago.
The reason I am sharing this with you Kerry is because our souls and our subconscious will recognize what our hearts sometimes refuse to. Listen to what your head and your dreams tell you.
I am so proud of you Lil Mama, I knew you could do this. Give the little guy a hug for me if you know what I mean and tell him we love him and his mama too!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Kerry very happy for you sweets! Taking care of you and the baby is the most important thing right now! As others have said if "he gets it or not" remember to keep you and your baby safe-
Glad you are out of the chaos and sending you prayers that you settle in well at the parents house!
Keep moving forward sweets-
Glad you are out of the chaos and sending you prayers that you settle in well at the parents house!
Keep moving forward sweets-
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 65
So glad you're safe
Glad to hear you made it safe and sound and that you are letting your firends help you out. Friends you can rely on are one of the greatest assets in life and we forget that all too often!
Take care of yourself and your little one. Having a baby really changed my perspective on life - I realised I was not the most important person in my life anymore. It also gave me clarity on questions which would have been more 'grey' before - somethings were just non-negotiable for me once I had a child to take care of.
Make sure you lok after yourself. you need to be healthy and happy to take care of you and your physical and emotional needs in order to be a good mum for your precious little one. Please take it easy and don't rush anything. The next few months are gonna be tough with a new baby and very little sleep so you need to make sure you're able to look after yourslef and don't get run down. One step at a time, babe. Look after yourself - you're doing great!
:ghug2
Take care of yourself and your little one. Having a baby really changed my perspective on life - I realised I was not the most important person in my life anymore. It also gave me clarity on questions which would have been more 'grey' before - somethings were just non-negotiable for me once I had a child to take care of.
Make sure you lok after yourself. you need to be healthy and happy to take care of you and your physical and emotional needs in order to be a good mum for your precious little one. Please take it easy and don't rush anything. The next few months are gonna be tough with a new baby and very little sleep so you need to make sure you're able to look after yourslef and don't get run down. One step at a time, babe. Look after yourself - you're doing great!
:ghug2
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by Ago
Grats, you rock dood, I'm very proud of you, and I'm right there with you, "walking the talk" of trying to make healthy decisions for myself today.
For me, and this is JUST for me, as far as the "emotional abuse" issue goes, I don't really think of my last relationship as "abusive", She met like 90% of the "emotional abuse" criteria, and I know, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck etc etc but...my good buddy L----- said, "Look Andrew, look at it this way, she's like Edward Scissorhands right? knives for hands...except for she has like....seizures....anyone can see if you run in to help while she's having a seizure you are gonna get all cut up, and you have been cut up mercilessly and repeatedly while she has these "seizures" because you keep going back to her, but you keep going back again and again and getting all sliced up, then getting angry at her, and saying it's "her fault". She can't help her behaviors any more then an epileptic can stop having seizures, so what you need to do is stop trying to "rescue her" while she has these seizures. The choice is up to you, the choice is yours. If you go back, you know you will get cut up, so it's no longer "her fault" it's your responsibility for going back."
I'm not trying to minimize abuse, or let anyone "off the hook" it's just that it's not my job to "make" this other person see their behavior, it's my job to take care of myself, and I can't do that while I have any sort of contact with a female Edward Scissorhands with a history of "emotional seizures"
anyhow, I hope this made sense, and all opinions are about me, for me and only pertain to me, except for the one that says, YOU ROCK CHICA!!!!!
For me, and this is JUST for me, as far as the "emotional abuse" issue goes, I don't really think of my last relationship as "abusive", She met like 90% of the "emotional abuse" criteria, and I know, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck etc etc but...my good buddy L----- said, "Look Andrew, look at it this way, she's like Edward Scissorhands right? knives for hands...except for she has like....seizures....anyone can see if you run in to help while she's having a seizure you are gonna get all cut up, and you have been cut up mercilessly and repeatedly while she has these "seizures" because you keep going back to her, but you keep going back again and again and getting all sliced up, then getting angry at her, and saying it's "her fault". She can't help her behaviors any more then an epileptic can stop having seizures, so what you need to do is stop trying to "rescue her" while she has these seizures. The choice is up to you, the choice is yours. If you go back, you know you will get cut up, so it's no longer "her fault" it's your responsibility for going back."
I'm not trying to minimize abuse, or let anyone "off the hook" it's just that it's not my job to "make" this other person see their behavior, it's my job to take care of myself, and I can't do that while I have any sort of contact with a female Edward Scissorhands with a history of "emotional seizures"
anyhow, I hope this made sense, and all opinions are about me, for me and only pertain to me, except for the one that says, YOU ROCK CHICA!!!!!
I love this example....it very much makes sense to me. I realized that he can't hurt us anymore......and I realized that I am in control of MY life. It feels really weird not to have to worry about someone else and their behavior. I sleep well at night. I get up in the morning when I want (unemployed for the moment). I have good friends surrounding me for now, and tonight it will be REALLY good family.
There is nothing negative about staying here in New York. New York has really good public assistance....insurance for single mommies.....she would be covered by child health plus.....I will most likely land a job in the new year making what I deserve to make for my education and experience....
I think the more we stay and get REAL LOVE, the more we won't want to leave it.
Thank you for the Edward Scissorhands story...I might just have to use that very soon...
Thank you for the congrats!
You are awesome....and all of you made me strong enough to do this!Kerry
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by TooMuch4TooLong
Kerry Lil Mama I'm so happy for you honey! I want to share something that has been happening in the very recent past with you, something for you to think about. I have always had very vivid dreams; lately I have been dreaming that I was back with R. He would tell me how much he loved me, etc. but then grab me or call me a name, act visibly intoxicated. In the dream I think to myself, what did I do, how could I have gone back to this, I was healing and moving on! In my dream I felt as though I would never again be able to live life on my own terms again.
I started having the dreams after he came to my work, I was still in my own way obsessing and doubting. This last week has been very enlightening for me and I am once again growing comfortable in my own skin again. The more I came back to me the fewer dreams I had. I am ready to get back out in the world again on my terms. I stopped having those dreams a couple of days ago.
The reason I am sharing this with you Kerry is because our souls and our subconscious will recognize what our hearts sometimes refuse to. Listen to what your head and your dreams tell you.
I am so proud of you Lil Mama, I knew you could do this. Give the little guy a hug for me if you know what I mean and tell him we love him and his mama too!
I started having the dreams after he came to my work, I was still in my own way obsessing and doubting. This last week has been very enlightening for me and I am once again growing comfortable in my own skin again. The more I came back to me the fewer dreams I had. I am ready to get back out in the world again on my terms. I stopped having those dreams a couple of days ago.
The reason I am sharing this with you Kerry is because our souls and our subconscious will recognize what our hearts sometimes refuse to. Listen to what your head and your dreams tell you.
I am so proud of you Lil Mama, I knew you could do this. Give the little guy a hug for me if you know what I mean and tell him we love him and his mama too!
Just wanted to tell you that I will most certainly give my little GIRLa hug for you.....
Thanks for the congrats.....and what's funny about dreams is I had one before I left....
I had a dream that I was alone for the birth....and I was scared. I was in some Alabama hospital somewhere, and no one was there. I really think that was a manifestation of how I felt with my support network there. They SUCKED. When I woke up from the dream I imagined ABF going out constantly for a cigarette and MIL being way over bearing.
Dreams are funny things....
Hope you're hanging in there today!
Thank you for sharing wisdom,
K
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