I think I hit my bottom tonight....

Old 10-09-2008, 10:55 PM
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I think I hit my bottom tonight....

I contacted my AH about a couple of things...still holding onto some hope. Wanting to get back to familiarity I suppose.

The conversation turned to me and my "lies" and how I kissed a guy at a bar in May during a separation.

Things escalated and he called me a f'in wh*** one too many times. I clocked him. I was going to apologize and he just kept telling me to go to hell. He said he told his sister to call the cops. I said a few more things and drove home. I don't know if they called the police but if he presses charges I've just farked up my chances at a nursing career.

I've finally had enough. He can't see the real me. He is also drinking again.

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Old 10-10-2008, 12:30 AM
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Originally Posted by sunflowerintx View Post
I contacted my AH about a couple of things...still holding onto some hope. Wanting to get back to familiarity I suppose.

The conversation turned to me and my "lies" and how I kissed a guy at a bar in May during a separation.

Things escalated and he called me a f'in wh*** one too many times. I clocked him. I was going to apologize and he just kept telling me to go to hell. He said he told his sister to call the cops. I said a few more things and drove home. I don't know if they called the police but if he presses charges I've just farked up my chances at a nursing career.

I've finally had enough. He can't see the real me. He is also drinking again.
As a poster here on SR I can't condone physical violence (good for you) and popping anyone in the eye, no matter how much the worthless bastage deserved it (you go girl) so consider yourself duly chastised.:ghug3

Seriously though, I was just reading this when I popped over,

An emotional abuser will often use condescension as an effective tool in manipulating and hurting his partner. In expressing his own internal anger, he targets his partner. But because she has done nothing to "deserve" his anger at this point (or any point!), he may be rude, brutally inconsiderate, condescending, patronizing, or even use the "silent treatment" to get her upset or angry. When his partner gets upset, and an argument ensues, he can then express his anger at her, and blame the fact that she "got angry" at him, for the whole argument - even though HE started it. Don't let him convince you that your anger at his disrespect and emotional cruelty, is somehow wrong or abusive to him. That is part of his control and escalating cycle of abuse technique.

As part of this "control" technique, the abuser may "set up" his partner, pushing as many buttons as possible to get the partner to lose control by breaking down in tears or getting angry or yelling. If you raise your voice, he will insist that YOU are the abuser. Don't buy it, and don't believe it. While there might be better ways to handle the situation, (more easily enacted if you weren't emotionally involved with this person), chances are that he has inflicted so much psychological warfare that you have been backed into an emotional corner, and are reacting in self-defense. Emotional reactions in self-defense to an abusive situation do NOT make YOU an "abuser".
the whole article is worth reading btw,

Physical & Emotional Abuse Forum: Worth Reading and re-posting... - DailyStrength

and

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...bal-abuse.html

So, while truthfully, popping some moron in the piehole is never the answer, no matter how deserving, I understand the losing of control, and I also understand him not "seeing" you, I felt like I was standing in front of the A's in my life saying "do you see me, do you see me?" then when their actions would continue to hurt me and have adverse impact on I would be yelling it, then towards the end, it was like I was yelling and jumping up and down and screaming it....nothing.

let me put it this way, I told my mother (one of my A's in this scenario), that I never wanted to see or talk to her again...ever....and she loves me above all others in her life, I'm her favorite person in the whole world (or was), and when I told her that and tried to explain why she was like , "oh well...sorry"..she literally couldn't see "her part" in the whole thing at all...she leaves self centered miles behind...and she's my mother and I love her, and I had to go.

Stay away from that person, he doesn't love you, from what he was saying he doesn't even like you, or himself for that matter, don't demean yourself and let yourself be dragged down to that level of degradation and filth, it only harms you.

:codiepolice

:ghug3
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Old 10-10-2008, 06:25 AM
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I don't condone violence either. I am NOT proud of hitting him, not at all. I had a reaction to the UNTRUE insults and I regret it. I will NEVER EVER put myself in that position again. One moment of insanity could ruin my dreams.

I've been posting on a verbal abuse board for 4 years so I'm well versed in it and know quite a bit. I'm also attending a 12-step DV support group at the county domestic violence center. And I hit him....*sigh*

I'm filling out the final portion of the application for Legal Aid to help with my divorce and moving forward. Even if I have to pretend he's dead to not have any contact, I will because I canNOT do this anymore. I deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and it will not come from my AH, especially since he's drinking again. I had a feeling that once he started working and had some money in his pocket he would.
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Old 10-10-2008, 08:38 AM
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ah man sorry to hear what happened, ive been there though, ive given my AH a black eye before, its not right but it happened

just learn from it, i would think if they called the cops then you would have already heard from them?

dont be so hard on yourself, it was probably more than him just saying that, alot of your resentment toward probably all came bubbling up and that was the final straw

but having said that he probably deserved it :codiepolice
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