Do they all eventually "fall"??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 113
Do they all eventually "fall"??
It seems to me that my ex has been getting away with stuff for so long ... and I have to pose this question to the list ... do they all eventually fall? Does their lifestyle always catch up to them eventually?
My ex has been stealing, lying, using and selling drugs for a long, long time and it seems like he's only been "caught" once when he stole beer from the local college and got caught on tape .... and even then, he got a slap on the wrist because he told them that HE was talked into it by his friend (ya right, i know for a fact he'd stolen beer from the same place on numerous occasions by himself). He's been on probation since then and even tho he's breached numerous times by not checking in, and just doesn't seem to be taking his conditions seriously (he's supposed to be seeing a therapist for possible mental health issues, supposed to get a job, supposed to abstain from drugs and alcohol) ... he seems to just thumb his nose at all of this, make excuses and get more probation ...
Now he's not in my life right now and I have no control over this ... and I'm not trying to get involved ... I'm just wondering ... do some ppl just fly enough under the radar to never have to face the consequences of their actions? Seems to me that the only times he's EVER considered that maybe his anger and drug use aren't helping him, it's been when he's had to spend a few days in jail ... but then someone always comes forward to get him out until his next court date ... don't the courts look at the whole situation and see that this is going on?? When is he going to have to really feel the consequences? Is it possible he'll go thru life just getting away with it? Seems to me that the longer he gets away with it, the cockier he'll get and that certainly won't make him want to change things ...
Anyone??
My ex has been stealing, lying, using and selling drugs for a long, long time and it seems like he's only been "caught" once when he stole beer from the local college and got caught on tape .... and even then, he got a slap on the wrist because he told them that HE was talked into it by his friend (ya right, i know for a fact he'd stolen beer from the same place on numerous occasions by himself). He's been on probation since then and even tho he's breached numerous times by not checking in, and just doesn't seem to be taking his conditions seriously (he's supposed to be seeing a therapist for possible mental health issues, supposed to get a job, supposed to abstain from drugs and alcohol) ... he seems to just thumb his nose at all of this, make excuses and get more probation ...
Now he's not in my life right now and I have no control over this ... and I'm not trying to get involved ... I'm just wondering ... do some ppl just fly enough under the radar to never have to face the consequences of their actions? Seems to me that the only times he's EVER considered that maybe his anger and drug use aren't helping him, it's been when he's had to spend a few days in jail ... but then someone always comes forward to get him out until his next court date ... don't the courts look at the whole situation and see that this is going on?? When is he going to have to really feel the consequences? Is it possible he'll go thru life just getting away with it? Seems to me that the longer he gets away with it, the cockier he'll get and that certainly won't make him want to change things ...
Anyone??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 113
nope i definitely don't want to live with someone who is so dishonest and disrespectful of the law ... i have to wonder if ppl with such a disregard for the law, authority, other ppl's boundaries etc ever "grow out of it" or if it's a terminal character flaw.
I honestly thought that since he'd come from such a negative family/environment that having someone positive in his life would be enough for him to make positive choices in life ... I guess I was wrong. I thought that because of his environment etc, that he didn't really see that there were choices other than the ones he was making ... but even the 2 yrs with me weren't enough to show him that stealing and lying weren't necessary to get by in life ... *sigh*
I'm beginning to see that maybe what I thought was really not at all the reality of the situation ... and that giving ppl an opportunity doesn't always mean they'll make the right choices ... it's so depressing.
I honestly thought that since he'd come from such a negative family/environment that having someone positive in his life would be enough for him to make positive choices in life ... I guess I was wrong. I thought that because of his environment etc, that he didn't really see that there were choices other than the ones he was making ... but even the 2 yrs with me weren't enough to show him that stealing and lying weren't necessary to get by in life ... *sigh*
I'm beginning to see that maybe what I thought was really not at all the reality of the situation ... and that giving ppl an opportunity doesn't always mean they'll make the right choices ... it's so depressing.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
it's hard and painful to see this I know. Some people just aren't capable or willing to do what it takes and make the "right choices". Many people with addiction also have concurrent mental illnesses and/or personality disorders. I know that that is true for my sober husband. Those other factors contribute to the way that he behaves (which is pretty horrible and unbearable much of the time).
Some people have a rapid decline and then others use for a long period of time without any see-able consequences. Just because you don't see the consequences right now doesn't mean that they aren't cummulative.
The road to recovery for me has helped me to be able to figure out what is enabling and what isn't...even still, it's not clear all the time.
It is sad that people don't always take the opportunities that come their way. But, I'm learning to be better about my boundaries and be more cautious about the "support" that I am willing to give.
It's hard to watch but a seat from where you are is a whole lot better than up close.
Take care of you and focus on that as best as you can.
Some people have a rapid decline and then others use for a long period of time without any see-able consequences. Just because you don't see the consequences right now doesn't mean that they aren't cummulative.
The road to recovery for me has helped me to be able to figure out what is enabling and what isn't...even still, it's not clear all the time.
It is sad that people don't always take the opportunities that come their way. But, I'm learning to be better about my boundaries and be more cautious about the "support" that I am willing to give.
It's hard to watch but a seat from where you are is a whole lot better than up close.
Take care of you and focus on that as best as you can.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
My oldest AD has never ceased to amaze me in her resiliency and resourcefulness.
I lost track of how often she's moved over the past 2 years.
She's never homeless for more than 24 hours. There is always some sucker who will cushion the fall for her.
The last time she did jail time, none of the records showed up from charges/jail time in another county for drug-related crimes. She should have been a three-time offender, but dodged the bullet again.
It's uncanny how she seems to walk away 'unscathed' from her addictions for the most part.
I used to sit and pray something would be her bottom. I thought that first jail stay on felony charges for 9 months would be her bottom.
It wasn't.
I thought when she overdosed in front of her kids, that would be her bottom. She was out of the psych ward in 48 hours as opposed to the usual 72 and back to the same old same old.
She lost custody of her kids, thank God.
I no longer hold out hope, but have faith that God has a plan for her, and I just leave it at that.
I am enrolled in college full-time now, finally finishing my degree after raising two daughters. I'm active in my own recovery, I attend meetings, sponsor others, and am at a pretty good place in my life.
I lost track of how often she's moved over the past 2 years.
She's never homeless for more than 24 hours. There is always some sucker who will cushion the fall for her.
The last time she did jail time, none of the records showed up from charges/jail time in another county for drug-related crimes. She should have been a three-time offender, but dodged the bullet again.
It's uncanny how she seems to walk away 'unscathed' from her addictions for the most part.
I used to sit and pray something would be her bottom. I thought that first jail stay on felony charges for 9 months would be her bottom.
It wasn't.
I thought when she overdosed in front of her kids, that would be her bottom. She was out of the psych ward in 48 hours as opposed to the usual 72 and back to the same old same old.
She lost custody of her kids, thank God.
I no longer hold out hope, but have faith that God has a plan for her, and I just leave it at that.
I am enrolled in college full-time now, finally finishing my degree after raising two daughters. I'm active in my own recovery, I attend meetings, sponsor others, and am at a pretty good place in my life.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
For some the consequence is death or institutions. Some do wake up and decide they want something different. There is no gaging it really.
Recovery is often called a miracle because of the chances of one changing are so slim.
Even codie recovery is a miracle never discount that addiction can and does kill us too.
Recovery is often called a miracle because of the chances of one changing are so slim.
Even codie recovery is a miracle never discount that addiction can and does kill us too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Even codie recovery is a miracle never discount that addiction can and does kill us too.
My sister is a drug addict - and she had a nervous break down 2 years ago resulting in presently living as a homeless person. Although - I don't think she is using drugs anymore. For about 20 years or so - the whole family knew that something was up with her - but drugs was never seen as the root cause. Although - looking back on it now - clearly it was. About 8 years ago I requested she go to rehab after seeing her looking like death warmed over from a severe oxy addiction (that she denied) - but I think she was so relieved that someone (me) noticed - that she went willingly. I told her one night that if she didn't get help I would contact her pain management doctor to let him know she was abusing - that lit the fire under her for her to go. (Still scratching my head on that one!) .... but anyway.... aside from my cousin who was in HS with a meth problem - and doing rehab - she is the only recovering addict I know (personally).
As for falling.... everyone has different bottoms. Even we codies have different bottoms.... and some codies don't fall. They may just change their person of choice though.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
