I think I'm making progress (YAY!)
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
I think I'm making progress (YAY!)
Many of you may have read my posts and know im almost 34 weeks pregnant, husband ran off at two months pregnant, etc etc... but anyways ive been reading the co-dependant book, and let me tell you i almost threw it in the trash (but its a library book lol) it hit way to close to home, i had always prided myself on not having an addictive personality, when i guess ive had one forever now, i realize im not only copdependant on my husband but also in other aspects of my life, but im working on all that now that i realize my problem and im not "crazy" the way my husband says or said (ive cut contact with him) i am
last week my regular doctor told me i had to go to a high risk doctor because of my blood pressure, i walked out of the office terrifed that something was wrong with my baby, i was so upset in the car and my first thought was i wish my husband was here, then i got mad that he wasnt, then i got mad all over again over the things hes done to me, i literally wanted to go to his job and whip his a**, thankfully i didnt act on that thought, i could just see my big butt waddling in there after him, course would have been funny afterwards, but i would have went to jail and that wouldnt be funny lol
well i finally calmed down, and just thought you know what it just doesnt matter anymore, im not gonna drive myself crazy trying to figure out how a man who has wanted a child since i met him 7 years ago could walk away when he finally has the chance for one, its completely his loss that he wont be around when his son is born or while hes growing up, he can have his fun and his girlfriend, friends, apartment, and whatever else he thinks he has because ill always have better, my son is more important than all that "fun" he is having
so i went for my high risk appointment with my mom, they asked me all kinds of questions bout my history and then about the fathers and i had no problem telling them about him and his family history, i still dont want to put him on the birth certificate but my mom has a cow when i tell them i dont know who the father is and make them think im a ho lol i could care less what they think, i know the truth, but she flips out so i told the truth about him, then i went in for my ultrasound , everything was normal , i just have high blood pressure regardless of being pregnant , its not caused by it, i have the double uterus so hes running out of room to grow, and hes breech so basically i have to have a c-section , i could have him as little as two weeks, since his space is limited now lol
and through it all i didnt even think about my husband, me and my mom talked a little after wards cause from the beginning of my pregnancy my little runt of a son will not and still will not show his face, i have one blurry picture of it, cause he will literally turn his back on the ultrasound , he has never cooperated with them, and he wont cooperate with trying to get his heartbeat either, which is just funny to me cause regardless when he pops out im gonna see his face so he can hide all he wants, but thats just one aspect of my son that my husband has already missed, and they will just keep adding up, and guess what that aint my problem, i am beyond caring what he blames me for, cause the people who know me, know its not my fault for all of this, but i told my mom that my little runt probably looks like my husband and thats why he wont show his face, he thinks once hes out im stuck with him lol
im sure i still have bad days coming, but i so do enjoy the days like today when im happy and settled, im even learning to deal with my family better and accepting them for who they are instead of what i think is best for them (dang codie ways!!)
think ill do a happy dance today and remember this day when the bad ones come along
last week my regular doctor told me i had to go to a high risk doctor because of my blood pressure, i walked out of the office terrifed that something was wrong with my baby, i was so upset in the car and my first thought was i wish my husband was here, then i got mad that he wasnt, then i got mad all over again over the things hes done to me, i literally wanted to go to his job and whip his a**, thankfully i didnt act on that thought, i could just see my big butt waddling in there after him, course would have been funny afterwards, but i would have went to jail and that wouldnt be funny lol
well i finally calmed down, and just thought you know what it just doesnt matter anymore, im not gonna drive myself crazy trying to figure out how a man who has wanted a child since i met him 7 years ago could walk away when he finally has the chance for one, its completely his loss that he wont be around when his son is born or while hes growing up, he can have his fun and his girlfriend, friends, apartment, and whatever else he thinks he has because ill always have better, my son is more important than all that "fun" he is having
so i went for my high risk appointment with my mom, they asked me all kinds of questions bout my history and then about the fathers and i had no problem telling them about him and his family history, i still dont want to put him on the birth certificate but my mom has a cow when i tell them i dont know who the father is and make them think im a ho lol i could care less what they think, i know the truth, but she flips out so i told the truth about him, then i went in for my ultrasound , everything was normal , i just have high blood pressure regardless of being pregnant , its not caused by it, i have the double uterus so hes running out of room to grow, and hes breech so basically i have to have a c-section , i could have him as little as two weeks, since his space is limited now lol
and through it all i didnt even think about my husband, me and my mom talked a little after wards cause from the beginning of my pregnancy my little runt of a son will not and still will not show his face, i have one blurry picture of it, cause he will literally turn his back on the ultrasound , he has never cooperated with them, and he wont cooperate with trying to get his heartbeat either, which is just funny to me cause regardless when he pops out im gonna see his face so he can hide all he wants, but thats just one aspect of my son that my husband has already missed, and they will just keep adding up, and guess what that aint my problem, i am beyond caring what he blames me for, cause the people who know me, know its not my fault for all of this, but i told my mom that my little runt probably looks like my husband and thats why he wont show his face, he thinks once hes out im stuck with him lol
im sure i still have bad days coming, but i so do enjoy the days like today when im happy and settled, im even learning to deal with my family better and accepting them for who they are instead of what i think is best for them (dang codie ways!!)
think ill do a happy dance today and remember this day when the bad ones come along
Two more weeks, girl get your rest now!
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
im hoping two more weeks, depends on his growth rate or something like that, but the most i will have to wait is until 38 weeks and i doubt this doctor will let me get that far, i call him my little runt or my mutt lol , he wont actually be a runt, hes already 5 lbs which is bigger than i expected cause with a double uterus they dont have the same amount of room to grow as a normal pregnancy, but he must of pushed the other uterus out of his way, he wants his room!!
the main name i have is benjamin brady, more than likely thats his name, but i have one backup in case he doesnt look like a benjamin and thats leland brady, so we'll see, once i finally see his little face , im so excited i cant wait, i just truly never thought i would have a child!!!
the main name i have is benjamin brady, more than likely thats his name, but i have one backup in case he doesnt look like a benjamin and thats leland brady, so we'll see, once i finally see his little face , im so excited i cant wait, i just truly never thought i would have a child!!!
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