Is Everyone a FREAKING ADDICT!!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 57
Is Everyone a FREAKING ADDICT!!!!!
Well to start off I am very very angry and from my past threads I have good reason to be. My lastest thread I talked about this man that I am dating and he told me how he was born with a syndrome that won't allow him to have kids. Well it took me off guard and I decided to talk more about it with him so see if we can get past it. Last night we had plans to go to the movies so he came over and we had time before hand so we began to talk a bit. He started to tell me about his condition and with him there I looked it up on the internet. It is a very serioius condition, not only does it effect sperm count but also the person is could be born with mental issues and physical issues. One of the symptoms listed was an addictive personality. So I asked him does he feel he has this......WELL OMG did I get an ear full. He began to tell me how he went to GA in the past because he loves to play cards which then I got out of him how he owns ever card to all the casino's in AC.
Then I found out the he tried to kill himself back in April from an overdoes......COCAINE!!!!!! I was like what???????? he was like I am not an addict and have been clean since April excpet the time I slipped up 3 weeks ago.......he also said he went to rehab for 3 months becuase he thought he may have a problem with cocain but continued to say he was not the person anymore or an addict except the cravings he has for the drug.
Well I am sure you know how all this went down and he realized last night that he just met the wrong girl, I TOTALLY FLIPPED OUT! I was like I dealt with my exALBF in the past and it will be a cold day in hell if I will ever go through this again with anyone else. He was like why are you so mad etc....just forget what i said and lets move on. I told him it was to late and that this relationship will not go forward. He did not get it, he just said we are both upset and lets talk tomorrow. I had no plans to talk to him again. He sent me a text today saying how he needs to get his life together, don't have time for a girlfriend now working all the time (forgot to mention that he filled for bankruptcy also), need to focus on himself, how he does not want to hurt me etc......... OH BUT HE IS NOT AND ADDCIT.......
RIGHT!!!!!!!
I am so hurt he seemed so nice, why is everyone so messed up!!!!!!!!
Then I found out the he tried to kill himself back in April from an overdoes......COCAINE!!!!!! I was like what???????? he was like I am not an addict and have been clean since April excpet the time I slipped up 3 weeks ago.......he also said he went to rehab for 3 months becuase he thought he may have a problem with cocain but continued to say he was not the person anymore or an addict except the cravings he has for the drug.
Well I am sure you know how all this went down and he realized last night that he just met the wrong girl, I TOTALLY FLIPPED OUT! I was like I dealt with my exALBF in the past and it will be a cold day in hell if I will ever go through this again with anyone else. He was like why are you so mad etc....just forget what i said and lets move on. I told him it was to late and that this relationship will not go forward. He did not get it, he just said we are both upset and lets talk tomorrow. I had no plans to talk to him again. He sent me a text today saying how he needs to get his life together, don't have time for a girlfriend now working all the time (forgot to mention that he filled for bankruptcy also), need to focus on himself, how he does not want to hurt me etc......... OH BUT HE IS NOT AND ADDCIT.......
RIGHT!!!!!!!I am so hurt he seemed so nice, why is everyone so messed up!!!!!!!!
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Happyland
Posts: 193
My picker is broke, too. We need to be very careful to analyze what we are attracted to. I'm taking this time after my divorce to be alone have reflection. While I know what I want, I think I have trouble "seeing" things for what they are in reality. I stay in my fantasy and try to make reality fit.
I am thinking of you and am sorry for the hurt and confusion you are having at this time. Take care..
I am thinking of you and am sorry for the hurt and confusion you are having at this time. Take care..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Wow. That sux.
Try not to be mad but GRATEFUL you discovered this when you did and in the way you did!!!
And a pat on the back for not even for an instant engaging in self-destructive thinking like "...oh, but he says he's clean, he's such a great guy, etc."
You got the facts, you saw the future and you decided to hit the road. Three Cheers for lessons learned and protecting yourself!
Peace-
B.
Try not to be mad but GRATEFUL you discovered this when you did and in the way you did!!!
And a pat on the back for not even for an instant engaging in self-destructive thinking like "...oh, but he says he's clean, he's such a great guy, etc."
You got the facts, you saw the future and you decided to hit the road. Three Cheers for lessons learned and protecting yourself!
Peace-
B.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
well to answer your first question, yes im begining to think everybody is an addict! seriously every guy ive ever dated, was either an alcoholic and/or a drug addict and a pyscho, which is why i dont want to date for a while til i can figure out how to stop picking those types of guys
be glad you learned all of this now instead of later down the road, this happens to everyone , you just move on and learn from it
when my husband first left , i went to alabama and stayed with my sister, she set me up with one of her friends, he seemed really nice , always smiling, i thought a total opposite of my husband, seemed willing to stick with me during my pregnancy even though it wasnt his, WELL about two months in i started seeing the real him, which is why in your other post i said it takes about three months to start seeing the "real" person , suddenly i couldnt do anything right, god forbid being pregnant and taking a NAP! or my dogs look at him while he was eating or fight over there own food (they are dogs what do you EXPECT) i got called lazy for not wanting to go anywhere, one i have no money, two i was pregnant and didnt feel like walking all over the place or having to hunt a bathroom everytime we went anywhere
i wasnt used to someone like him, my own husband never put me down for the things he kept on, i mean seriously get a grip i was pregnant and anemic , still am and i still take naps aint no man gonna tell me whether i can sleep or not, this idiot would make all kind of noise he could to wake me up, would act like a baby about everything, and god forbid he have to buy me something like a dollar sweet tea, but failed to remember when i did have money and if i bought myself something i bought him something also, but did that matter NOPE, my parents hated him, he drove my sisters nuts, he went crazy when my family didnt take his side over mine, he was sneaking around here buying drugs, then trying to convince my family i was no angel i was doing the drugs with him, what he didnt realize is my family knows me and drugs are something i would never do ESPECIALLY pregnant, but finally the kicker was he started hating the baby, my kid wasnt and still isnt even born yet, and he starts all this crazy stuff he aint doing nothing for the baby so dont expect it and being majorly PYSCHO
so i finally told him to hit the road, i told him i loved my husband more than anything and thats why i put up with him , but i dont love you, hell i dont even like you, this idiot went throught he neighborhood yelling and screaming, going to the neighbors houses talking about me, i have literally never met someone so dang crazy
so basically im telling you this because what you dont realize is you are stronger now, you knew you put up with your ex and wasnt going through it again, im more aware now and hopefully i wouldnt ever get back in the same situation, but i know going into any relationship that they arent always what they seem, EVERY guy is nice at first, give them time to see if they stay that way if not you can walk away before you get too serious, be grateful you learnd all of this now instead of later!!
be glad you learned all of this now instead of later down the road, this happens to everyone , you just move on and learn from it
when my husband first left , i went to alabama and stayed with my sister, she set me up with one of her friends, he seemed really nice , always smiling, i thought a total opposite of my husband, seemed willing to stick with me during my pregnancy even though it wasnt his, WELL about two months in i started seeing the real him, which is why in your other post i said it takes about three months to start seeing the "real" person , suddenly i couldnt do anything right, god forbid being pregnant and taking a NAP! or my dogs look at him while he was eating or fight over there own food (they are dogs what do you EXPECT) i got called lazy for not wanting to go anywhere, one i have no money, two i was pregnant and didnt feel like walking all over the place or having to hunt a bathroom everytime we went anywhere
i wasnt used to someone like him, my own husband never put me down for the things he kept on, i mean seriously get a grip i was pregnant and anemic , still am and i still take naps aint no man gonna tell me whether i can sleep or not, this idiot would make all kind of noise he could to wake me up, would act like a baby about everything, and god forbid he have to buy me something like a dollar sweet tea, but failed to remember when i did have money and if i bought myself something i bought him something also, but did that matter NOPE, my parents hated him, he drove my sisters nuts, he went crazy when my family didnt take his side over mine, he was sneaking around here buying drugs, then trying to convince my family i was no angel i was doing the drugs with him, what he didnt realize is my family knows me and drugs are something i would never do ESPECIALLY pregnant, but finally the kicker was he started hating the baby, my kid wasnt and still isnt even born yet, and he starts all this crazy stuff he aint doing nothing for the baby so dont expect it and being majorly PYSCHO
so i finally told him to hit the road, i told him i loved my husband more than anything and thats why i put up with him , but i dont love you, hell i dont even like you, this idiot went throught he neighborhood yelling and screaming, going to the neighbors houses talking about me, i have literally never met someone so dang crazy
so basically im telling you this because what you dont realize is you are stronger now, you knew you put up with your ex and wasnt going through it again, im more aware now and hopefully i wouldnt ever get back in the same situation, but i know going into any relationship that they arent always what they seem, EVERY guy is nice at first, give them time to see if they stay that way if not you can walk away before you get too serious, be grateful you learnd all of this now instead of later!!
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Whew, CONGRATULATIONS!! You just dodged a bullet.
No, not everyone is an addict, but to be on the safe side, maybe you should develop a qualifying test for potential suitors to take?
No, not everyone is an addict, but to be on the safe side, maybe you should develop a qualifying test for potential suitors to take?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 57
Thank you for your story and I am sorry you met an ass just like I did. Yes, he did seem so nice and I thought he was differenet because he was truthful about the not being able to have kids and all. And he said his syndrom makes him an addict....... And he was still truthful when he told me about all his "HABITS" in my eyes "ADDICTIONS" I guess I did learn a lot from my ex. My gut and all the reg flag were buring last night. At one point he was like you are looking at me with such evil in your eyes. And I retracted and said you really hit hom with me on these issues and I will not have a life with anyone who posseses these behaviors. But like you said I did not love him like with my ex and I am so grateful I found out now before I did love him and then maybe I would not be able to walk away so quickly. But I think maybe even if I did love him I would still walk after all I went through in the past. My ex really did a job on me and I will never forget the lessons I learned......
PS. at one point he said stop raising your voice at me and actually raised his hand. I looked him dead in the eye and said if you even think about hitting me I will flatten and drop you like a hot potato, he backed down and started to say why did I ruin the evening....NOT falling for that crap, he knew I meant business and was not falling for he BS or letting is all slide:chatter!
PS. at one point he said stop raising your voice at me and actually raised his hand. I looked him dead in the eye and said if you even think about hitting me I will flatten and drop you like a hot potato, he backed down and started to say why did I ruin the evening....NOT falling for that crap, he knew I meant business and was not falling for he BS or letting is all slide:chatter!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
oh man do i know what you mean about the trying to hit thing, that same guy i was telling you about, tried that to, he was outside and i took some of his stuff and just threw it on the ground next to his other stuff, and he flipped out and said if you dont get the f*ck out of here, and i stopped him right there, i said what , you think your gonna hit me, not only am i not going to back down or be afraid of you, but you better realize how much jail time you will get for hitting a pregnant woman, well needless to say he backed down, and he was a stocky guy and could have beat my tail end, but if you bow down to them it gives them control or so they think and i wasnt raised that way
we both dodged bullets, maybe from out past experiances we are headed for better things cause both our eyes are open now and hey think about it this way , you know you want kids, maybe this time you'll find a guy with no problems in that "area"
but just kinda be aware that you may not have heard the last of this guy , i dated another pyscho (i swear i could write a book) but thats another story but he got mad when i wouldnt talk to him or answer his text messages and he started stalking me and even almost messed up my car, he loosened something on it when i was asleep one night , so just be wary of any more contact that he tries to make
and do a happy dance and be proud of yourself for seeing the signs that we've all missed the first time around with our other men
we both dodged bullets, maybe from out past experiances we are headed for better things cause both our eyes are open now and hey think about it this way , you know you want kids, maybe this time you'll find a guy with no problems in that "area"
but just kinda be aware that you may not have heard the last of this guy , i dated another pyscho (i swear i could write a book) but thats another story but he got mad when i wouldnt talk to him or answer his text messages and he started stalking me and even almost messed up my car, he loosened something on it when i was asleep one night , so just be wary of any more contact that he tries to make
and do a happy dance and be proud of yourself for seeing the signs that we've all missed the first time around with our other men
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 517
Originally Posted by Bernadette 
Wow. That sux.
Try not to be mad but GRATEFUL you discovered this when you did and in the way you did!!!
And a pat on the back for not even for an instant engaging in self-destructive thinking like "...oh, but he says he's clean, he's such a great guy, etc."
You got the facts, you saw the future and you decided to hit the road. Three Cheers for lessons learned and protecting yourself!
Peace-
B.
Try not to be mad but GRATEFUL you discovered this when you did and in the way you did!!!
And a pat on the back for not even for an instant engaging in self-destructive thinking like "...oh, but he says he's clean, he's such a great guy, etc."
You got the facts, you saw the future and you decided to hit the road. Three Cheers for lessons learned and protecting yourself!
Peace-
B.
My current BF is the first addict I have ever dated, so there must be quite a few non-addicts out there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 57
I guess..... I just can't believe that I meet another messed up person. WHY WHY!! I don't trust my judgement at all now. Before I met this man I was talking to this real sweet guy but I was not really feeling it and then I met the current one and it took off. Luckly the first guy still wants to meet up and all. I will see how this one goes.
Yes, I was thinking that also, now I can have a kid of my own...
I don't know why I feel sad, I should be happy....I guess after a yr of getting over my ex and healing my heart and mind the best I could. I finally let myself date and looks what happens......
Plus my exalbf is on match.com picking up someone knew as I write this.....I am so sick........
Yes, I was thinking that also, now I can have a kid of my own...
I don't know why I feel sad, I should be happy....I guess after a yr of getting over my ex and healing my heart and mind the best I could. I finally let myself date and looks what happens......
Plus my exalbf is on match.com picking up someone knew as I write this.....I am so sick........
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
dont look at match.com at your ex's profile it will only rub salt in a wound that is still fresh, even after a year, i know how you feel sometimes i get to thinking of my husband with his girlfriend, im usually plagued by dreams of them together, what great fun to wake up thinking about , let him find someone new, then she will have to put up with his ways, i used to be bad about thinking how perfect my husbands relationships were and how happy he must be now, and ive found out its not really that way, his true personality comes out after a while, he even told me hisself that hes mean to the girl hes with now, the other girl he cheated with told his mama that he used to scream and yell at her and break stuff, so yeah it hurts to think of them with someone else but its not the perfect little picture we see in our heads with these other women, they have to put up with things you put up with also, i havent met one person who was truly happy with an alcoholic or without stress from dealing with them no matter how much they love them
dont blame yourself or give up on dating just because you made a mistake this time around, just keep trying, you never know what will happen, i know i need to take my own advice also lol i know the fear of thinking your gonna just find one idiot after another
i think with our co-dependant ways we are attracted to people with problems without realizing it, see how it goes with the other guy but dont put all your hope in it, just roll with the flow and see what happens
dont blame yourself or give up on dating just because you made a mistake this time around, just keep trying, you never know what will happen, i know i need to take my own advice also lol i know the fear of thinking your gonna just find one idiot after another
i think with our co-dependant ways we are attracted to people with problems without realizing it, see how it goes with the other guy but dont put all your hope in it, just roll with the flow and see what happens
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by Babyo622
he backed down and started to say why did I ruin the evening....NOT falling for that crap, he knew I meant business and was not falling for he BS or letting is all slide!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 57
I know you are right and I should not look at his profile, I guess I was shocked to see it up agian. But why should I be shocked hell he had is listed when we were together. And you are right his ways will only make someone else nuts....but I guess after all the crap I really thought he loved me enough to try and sober up for good. Guess my fantasy image was wrong.
As for this new guy I am just so shocked he has all those issues.....plus the fact that he felt the need to send me a text saying he has no time for me. since when, only after I confronted him on his issues and told him I won't deal with it. I thought maybe finally I met someone good who I can share a future with.
Well this other guy I will see how it goes, I am afraid on our first date I will blind side him as ask him if has any addictions, I have to watch myself at least until out second date...lol...
I am just sad now, my heart was finally letting go of the past and trying to develope something with someone new. Who would of known he was my past all over again!!!!!
As for this new guy I am just so shocked he has all those issues.....plus the fact that he felt the need to send me a text saying he has no time for me. since when, only after I confronted him on his issues and told him I won't deal with it. I thought maybe finally I met someone good who I can share a future with.
Well this other guy I will see how it goes, I am afraid on our first date I will blind side him as ask him if has any addictions, I have to watch myself at least until out second date...lol...
I am just sad now, my heart was finally letting go of the past and trying to develope something with someone new. Who would of known he was my past all over again!!!!!
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
sadly the past always repeats itself, its hard to break past habits but you are on the road to being able to do that, and yeah i would kinda wait on asking about the new guys bad habits lol , im so paranoid now im gonna have to have any potential guy fill out a questionaire about his history, any drugs or alcohol, lol ill have guys running for the hills from me lol
as for the text message, that is the guy trying to save face, nothing more and nothing less, you probably hurt his pride and that was his way of turning the tables, i wouldnt even worry about it, alot of guys have a problem with being rejected and they react to it thats all
i really dont know how to be in a relationship with a nice guy, that i dont have to "fix" or take care of, so i have a long road ahead of me, and maybe so do you, just dont give up or expect that every guy will be crazy , somewhere in this world there are guys who are not addicts, and when you find some, see if they have a friend for me LOL!
ive been through the if he loved me enough he would get sober or he wouldnt leave me all the time, and they just arent capable of that kind of love, even the last time i saw my husband in his little apartment he so proud of, he told me he loved me, but guess what he slept with that girl that night and woudlnt leave her for me, thats not love, my fantasy image of my husband has been wrong since the day i met him, get this one of the first times meeting him he was sitting in the hall holding a basketball thinking it was his girlfriend cause he was on X and drunk, and yet i married that stupid basketball holding idiot, so everybody makes mistakes, be sad now and know it wont be forever
as for the text message, that is the guy trying to save face, nothing more and nothing less, you probably hurt his pride and that was his way of turning the tables, i wouldnt even worry about it, alot of guys have a problem with being rejected and they react to it thats all
i really dont know how to be in a relationship with a nice guy, that i dont have to "fix" or take care of, so i have a long road ahead of me, and maybe so do you, just dont give up or expect that every guy will be crazy , somewhere in this world there are guys who are not addicts, and when you find some, see if they have a friend for me LOL!
ive been through the if he loved me enough he would get sober or he wouldnt leave me all the time, and they just arent capable of that kind of love, even the last time i saw my husband in his little apartment he so proud of, he told me he loved me, but guess what he slept with that girl that night and woudlnt leave her for me, thats not love, my fantasy image of my husband has been wrong since the day i met him, get this one of the first times meeting him he was sitting in the hall holding a basketball thinking it was his girlfriend cause he was on X and drunk, and yet i married that stupid basketball holding idiot, so everybody makes mistakes, be sad now and know it wont be forever
. Some people are funny about rejection and some are just plain scary!!! I loved your stories, glad you two made it out ok! 
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Not only was my man picker broken, but I attracted the wrong kind of men because I was not bringing a whole and healthy me to the table in a relationship.
Until I acknowledged that, I made the same mistakes over and over and over.
Until I acknowledged that, I made the same mistakes over and over and over.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 57
Thank you all and I guess I still have some healing to do, I did not date for the past year on purpose but I figured hell I deserve to he happy and find someone to share a future with. But since I do still have anger for my ex and still check in on his life I have not fully let go yet. I want to so bad, I will never return to him so why can't I just let it go and open my heart to a good man?
Even though this guy jumped so fast about babies etc...I have to grateful that he did because it could of been months before I knew the real him. Now I can move on quickly.....it is weird veryrestless722 when you said that you got stalked by you last men...... well, the text he sent this morning I did not respond to and he wrote me again. I did answers this one and told him it is best that we break up and best of luck to you etc..... He wrote back saying ok and talk to you soon.......I hope he does not biother me any more. He said he wanted to be friends etc...... don't think I can do that......
Also, anvilhead when you wrote: subconciously you're still trying to resolve the old relationship......wow maybe you are right, I did not see this new one coming at all.....wow.......I need to fix my picker but how?????
Even though this guy jumped so fast about babies etc...I have to grateful that he did because it could of been months before I knew the real him. Now I can move on quickly.....it is weird veryrestless722 when you said that you got stalked by you last men...... well, the text he sent this morning I did not respond to and he wrote me again. I did answers this one and told him it is best that we break up and best of luck to you etc..... He wrote back saying ok and talk to you soon.......I hope he does not biother me any more. He said he wanted to be friends etc...... don't think I can do that......
Also, anvilhead when you wrote: subconciously you're still trying to resolve the old relationship......wow maybe you are right, I did not see this new one coming at all.....wow.......I need to fix my picker but how?????
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
yeah i probably wouldnt respond to any more text messages, you told him point blank that its over, i wouldnt try being friends, you could easily get sucked into his life, and really do you want an addict as a friend? the guy that stalked me was in 2006 i believe, and he tried that whole lets be friends thing also as a way to stay in contact and know what i was up to , you just got to be careful in those situations , not to say your guy is like that but to even raise his hand is not a good indicatior of his personality , also if he start hassling you with messages, change your number dont bother with him if he starts that
my picker has been broken from the begining , i think i was born with a lemon picker lol, where do i go to buy a new one!
i also agree with the one who wrote, that subconciously you're still trying to resolve an old relationship, im the same way, part of the reason i wont date besides being a pregnant whale right now, i dont think its fair to a man for me to still be legally married and still in love with my AH, until i resolved those i dont think i can bring a whole healthy me into any relationship
my picker has been broken from the begining , i think i was born with a lemon picker lol, where do i go to buy a new one!
i also agree with the one who wrote, that subconciously you're still trying to resolve an old relationship, im the same way, part of the reason i wont date besides being a pregnant whale right now, i dont think its fair to a man for me to still be legally married and still in love with my AH, until i resolved those i dont think i can bring a whole healthy me into any relationship
Being Me for the first time
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Wishek, North Dakota
Posts: 1,160
things in our lives happen for a reason , bring one that he couldnt help with the baby issue , thats sorta a sign in a way . Take time to be ok with being alone , its not all that bad, and once youve relized that , someone will come along its a matter of not lookin , and thats when the true loves come . it happend to me , i married a no drug user ,and no drinker ... there are some out there .. give it time . but glad you got away from that one .. peace and serenity with you Mrs O:ghug3
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