Recovering and worried about a loved one
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 1
Recovering and worried about a loved one
I've struggled with alcohol for a while now. A few months ago I got sick with Acute Pancreatitis and spent a grueling week in the hospital. I'm not saying I'm cured by any means but a drink would put me back in the hospital.
With that being said I moved in with my mother while trying to rebuild from the destruction I've caused in my life. My mother has struggled with alcohol for years now. It's effected her kids for years but we're grown now. She's the type of alcoholic that will drink two bottles of wine a day, and that's a guess because she won't drink around me she will hide it in her room but I gauge it when her moods becomes erratic and she slurs her speech, which started today at 2:00 when she started a conversation with me. Every time she goes out with the few friends she has she'll come home tossed. Hence the few friends comment. She also starts fights with her family and she's just not fun to be around when she's been drinking which is most of the time. I worry about her health too as she's overweight and in her early 50's.
To top it off she's was diagnosed with MS sometime back but she seems to be okay. I know she also takes an anti-depressant as well as sleeping pills. I sometimes feel that her diagnosis was done incorrectly and the alcohol and pills are her problem but I could be wrong and I feel bad even thinking that.
So I've tried to talk to her about her drinking and the way it effects other people in her life and it always turns into an attack on me and my past. I try to explain to her that I admit my problems but the scariest thing is she rationalizes her drinking because she pays the bills and is helping me out and that I have nerve. My sibling also confronts her weekly and she will just get mad and go in her room (my sibling doesn't have a problem whatsoever).
What's very alarming to me is the fact that my mom won't admit that she has any problem. I've known that I've had a problem for four years and have struggled with quitting. I'm not doing this because of my sobriety, at all, I just worry that my mom will kill herself from all this drinking. Yes, I do admit it's not a healthy environment for myself for my own sobriety but that's something I have to deal with.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated because I've almost lost hope for her. It's so sad too because throughout my struggles and quitting she's always been there for me and I feel helpless.
Addiction is a muthaf%$%%$.
With that being said I moved in with my mother while trying to rebuild from the destruction I've caused in my life. My mother has struggled with alcohol for years now. It's effected her kids for years but we're grown now. She's the type of alcoholic that will drink two bottles of wine a day, and that's a guess because she won't drink around me she will hide it in her room but I gauge it when her moods becomes erratic and she slurs her speech, which started today at 2:00 when she started a conversation with me. Every time she goes out with the few friends she has she'll come home tossed. Hence the few friends comment. She also starts fights with her family and she's just not fun to be around when she's been drinking which is most of the time. I worry about her health too as she's overweight and in her early 50's.
To top it off she's was diagnosed with MS sometime back but she seems to be okay. I know she also takes an anti-depressant as well as sleeping pills. I sometimes feel that her diagnosis was done incorrectly and the alcohol and pills are her problem but I could be wrong and I feel bad even thinking that.
So I've tried to talk to her about her drinking and the way it effects other people in her life and it always turns into an attack on me and my past. I try to explain to her that I admit my problems but the scariest thing is she rationalizes her drinking because she pays the bills and is helping me out and that I have nerve. My sibling also confronts her weekly and she will just get mad and go in her room (my sibling doesn't have a problem whatsoever).
What's very alarming to me is the fact that my mom won't admit that she has any problem. I've known that I've had a problem for four years and have struggled with quitting. I'm not doing this because of my sobriety, at all, I just worry that my mom will kill herself from all this drinking. Yes, I do admit it's not a healthy environment for myself for my own sobriety but that's something I have to deal with.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated because I've almost lost hope for her. It's so sad too because throughout my struggles and quitting she's always been there for me and I feel helpless.
Addiction is a muthaf%$%%$.
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Yes, it is.
Welcome to SR quazi!
Are you attending any AA 12 step/Al anon (for F&F of A's)/ACOA (adult children of A's) meetings as part of your recovery? Number one of the 'steps' is that 'we admit we are powerless over ---- and that we have lost control of our lives'.
I deliberatley leave the powerless over ---- as a blank because you can substitute the usual ''alcohol'' with anything and everything else.
The only thing you have control over is YOU and your OWN actions.
In Al-anon, one of the big popular slogans is the 3 C's -
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it
Meaning that when someone in our life is addicted, nothing and absolutely nothing we do will encourage them to see the light or make them stop.
From your own experiences with addiction, looking back to when you were in the height of your own denial about your problem, if anyone had approached you and tried to convince you about your addiction you would not have believed them and probably got angry and defensive like your mum is with you and your sibling.
This is her disease, like your's is your own. No one can make you get sober, or going forward - keep you sober. It has to come from within you, and it has to come from within her.
On a side thought, for the benefit of your own recovery do you think that living with an active alcoholic will cause you problems in maintaining your sobriety? There is also a recovery forum on SR which would be great for you in your own journey.
Good luck to you! Keep posting in Friends & Family/Recovery for support and advice!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Welcome to SR quazi!
Are you attending any AA 12 step/Al anon (for F&F of A's)/ACOA (adult children of A's) meetings as part of your recovery? Number one of the 'steps' is that 'we admit we are powerless over ---- and that we have lost control of our lives'.
I deliberatley leave the powerless over ---- as a blank because you can substitute the usual ''alcohol'' with anything and everything else.
The only thing you have control over is YOU and your OWN actions.
In Al-anon, one of the big popular slogans is the 3 C's -
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it
Meaning that when someone in our life is addicted, nothing and absolutely nothing we do will encourage them to see the light or make them stop.
From your own experiences with addiction, looking back to when you were in the height of your own denial about your problem, if anyone had approached you and tried to convince you about your addiction you would not have believed them and probably got angry and defensive like your mum is with you and your sibling.
This is her disease, like your's is your own. No one can make you get sober, or going forward - keep you sober. It has to come from within you, and it has to come from within her.
On a side thought, for the benefit of your own recovery do you think that living with an active alcoholic will cause you problems in maintaining your sobriety? There is also a recovery forum on SR which would be great for you in your own journey.
Good luck to you! Keep posting in Friends & Family/Recovery for support and advice!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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