Hopeful
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 1
Hopeful
I'm so glad I found this site and I'm hopeful that here I can finally find the support I need to regain control of my life. I've been using alcohol as a crutch for far too long now, I'm not in denial about that. But up until the last few months (and especially the last week and a half) it hasn't crippled my life. Depression, overwhelming stress, guilt & worry have led me to lean on my crutch more and more. I'm not ready cry on anyone's shoulder and tell my FULL story just yet but after reading some of your stories, I'm hoping that soon I'll feel comfortable enough to do so. But because writing is an outlet for my stress, I'm going to share part of my story...
A couple of years ago, my sister came to my house and found me drunk and crying, depressed over an argument with my husband about our individual and collective stresses as a family just moments before... she insisted on taking me to an AA meeting and I was at the point where I knew I needed SOME kind of help so I agreed. I've never felt so uncomfortable and out of place in my life! I honestly felt GUILTY for being there, hearing stories from people who had lost their spouses, children, friends, homes and jobs over their alcoholism. Tales of waking up in a gutter after a week-long binge, not knowing how they got there, brought me to tears. Tales of being strapped to a gurney in DT's, brought me to tears. I didn't judge them but how could I possibly tell my tale to these people who needed MY support WAY more than I needed theirs? It's in my nature to want to help people in need so much so that I tend to neglect myself and my needs... especially when they pale in comparison and I KNOW I should just count my blessings and pull myself up by the bootstraps and get my act together! *sigh*
The last couple of weeks, I have been MAJORLY stressed and I know exactly why but I'm so overwhelmed, I don't have a clue where to begin unravelling this mess... so I've leaned on alcohol more than ever to just numb the pain and try to escape. Of course, that doesn't work but it's an all too comfortably temporary fix... *peh* Neglect of MYSELF has become glaringly apparent to my family (and myself, too)... to the point that my sister came here last night, took my children home with her (with my agreement -- I needed a break and so did they). Today she made phone calls, suggested a "plan" would send me away from my home, husband, children and job for 16 weeks. An hour later, my daughter called me crying to come home... so she's coming home tomorrow, right after school! My son is having too much fun with my brother-in-law, so I'm going to let him stay there for the time being...
I'm aware that I have problems that need my sober attention, and that I have been abusing alcohol instead of taking care of myself, focusing on a plan of action and leaning on someone else's shoulder when I'm stressed... but I honestly don't think 16 weeks away from my family is going to cure my problems... if anything, I think they will make them worse.
Maybe I'm in denial about the extent of my alcohol abuse and if that's the case, I'll check myself into rehab. But for right now, I think that if I can find support from some non-judgemental people who can help me get off this crutch and find strength to walk on my own two feet again, I can get back on track before it's too late. And if I'm lucky enough to find that, I will make it my goal to return the favor.
Thank you for giving me a place to vent.
:ghug
A couple of years ago, my sister came to my house and found me drunk and crying, depressed over an argument with my husband about our individual and collective stresses as a family just moments before... she insisted on taking me to an AA meeting and I was at the point where I knew I needed SOME kind of help so I agreed. I've never felt so uncomfortable and out of place in my life! I honestly felt GUILTY for being there, hearing stories from people who had lost their spouses, children, friends, homes and jobs over their alcoholism. Tales of waking up in a gutter after a week-long binge, not knowing how they got there, brought me to tears. Tales of being strapped to a gurney in DT's, brought me to tears. I didn't judge them but how could I possibly tell my tale to these people who needed MY support WAY more than I needed theirs? It's in my nature to want to help people in need so much so that I tend to neglect myself and my needs... especially when they pale in comparison and I KNOW I should just count my blessings and pull myself up by the bootstraps and get my act together! *sigh*
The last couple of weeks, I have been MAJORLY stressed and I know exactly why but I'm so overwhelmed, I don't have a clue where to begin unravelling this mess... so I've leaned on alcohol more than ever to just numb the pain and try to escape. Of course, that doesn't work but it's an all too comfortably temporary fix... *peh* Neglect of MYSELF has become glaringly apparent to my family (and myself, too)... to the point that my sister came here last night, took my children home with her (with my agreement -- I needed a break and so did they). Today she made phone calls, suggested a "plan" would send me away from my home, husband, children and job for 16 weeks. An hour later, my daughter called me crying to come home... so she's coming home tomorrow, right after school! My son is having too much fun with my brother-in-law, so I'm going to let him stay there for the time being...
I'm aware that I have problems that need my sober attention, and that I have been abusing alcohol instead of taking care of myself, focusing on a plan of action and leaning on someone else's shoulder when I'm stressed... but I honestly don't think 16 weeks away from my family is going to cure my problems... if anything, I think they will make them worse.
Maybe I'm in denial about the extent of my alcohol abuse and if that's the case, I'll check myself into rehab. But for right now, I think that if I can find support from some non-judgemental people who can help me get off this crutch and find strength to walk on my own two feet again, I can get back on track before it's too late. And if I'm lucky enough to find that, I will make it my goal to return the favor.
Thank you for giving me a place to vent.
:ghug
Last edited by dd40; 10-07-2008 at 09:56 PM.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Depression is why I began AA recovery.
You might want to go back....this time
listen to how they are staying sober
and not how they arrived in AA.
I suggest you have a candid talk with your doctor
about how to de tox safely Please don't try to
abruptly quit on your own.
...Welcome to our recovery community
You might want to go back....this time
listen to how they are staying sober
and not how they arrived in AA.
I suggest you have a candid talk with your doctor
about how to de tox safely Please don't try to
abruptly quit on your own.
...Welcome to our recovery community
Just another day...
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 274
It is nice that your sister is trying to help you. I never had anyone try to find me help. Course your not going to take the help unless your 100% ready to take it. I would for surely talk to ur doc, if u can. They can suggest a rehab, if thats what u need or maybe some other alternative. Maybe getting away from the family can help u see better what needs to be done in ur life and help u gain control of it. I thought if I quit at this time of year would be too difficult for me. My husband is an avid deer hunter. He goes out of state for a week at a time then comes home on the weekends. It has actually been easier, not saying it is easy, by any means...just easier with one less stress, if that makes sense. It can be done.
Welcome!:ghug3
Welcome!:ghug3
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Hi DD, welcome to SR 
Glad you found us.
I think you're right, at this point it sounds like your own needs need to be tended to. That's not being selfish, it's about getting back on track so you can be there for your family. Timeframes can be tricky, though 4 months sounds like a long time (or short, it depends
) it's best to focus on the present moment and the task at hand. However, knowing that you can have a "time out" of sorts might be of some relief and give you reassurance. I personally followed a similar approach, I decided to give myself as much time as I needed to recover - it became my priority. And, after kick off, things are moving along much faster than I initially thought.
Anyway, yup, the title of your thread seems appropriate. You should feel hopeful, as recovery IS possible. I suggest you keep your goal present: recovering and being there for your family. Make a point of hanging out here, check out your different options (detox, AA, etc)... Post a lot... SR folk are non judgmental, share your story when and if you feel up to it. Good luck
Glad you found us.I think you're right, at this point it sounds like your own needs need to be tended to. That's not being selfish, it's about getting back on track so you can be there for your family. Timeframes can be tricky, though 4 months sounds like a long time (or short, it depends
) it's best to focus on the present moment and the task at hand. However, knowing that you can have a "time out" of sorts might be of some relief and give you reassurance. I personally followed a similar approach, I decided to give myself as much time as I needed to recover - it became my priority. And, after kick off, things are moving along much faster than I initially thought. Anyway, yup, the title of your thread seems appropriate. You should feel hopeful, as recovery IS possible. I suggest you keep your goal present: recovering and being there for your family. Make a point of hanging out here, check out your different options (detox, AA, etc)... Post a lot... SR folk are non judgmental, share your story when and if you feel up to it. Good luck
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
What struck me about your story was feeling that the people in AA needed your help more than you needed theirs. There is no "comparing" pain and misery. Everyone has their own pain and their own limits of how much they can stand. You need help to straighten out your life, no matter how low you haven't yet fallen. Please do whatever it takes to get you sober and working on yourself, your life and health.
I'm glad you found us. We are a good place for support and good info. Lots of love to you!
:ghug3
I'm glad you found us. We are a good place for support and good info. Lots of love to you!
:ghug3
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