daisylady

I haven't been here in a while, but I need help and I am not sure who else to reach out to.

My AH is turning into someone I don't know. To give a little background, he has not used any illegal drugs (other than pot) in about 6 months but his behavior is getting worse. It is almost worse than when he was using cocaine/vicodin. He has been diagnosed with ADD and is on Vyvanse to treat that. He is also on Xanax for anxiety issues... he has not abused that, amazingly enough.

so here is the problem: I am almost 12 weeks pregnant and we went on a vacation out of the country to have our last vacation without kids together. Well, he showed me that he has some severe anger issues he needs to work out before the little one arrives. He flipped out on me because he said I was in a bad mood and I was trying to ignore him by reading a book and not talking to him. So, he grabbed the book and ripped up the book into pieces. He told me he didn't want to spend anymore time with me on the vacation. He took my passport, credit cards, drivers license etc., and tried to leave me in another country pregnant, with no way to get back to the US. He says now that he wouldn't have left me, but I was hysterical at the time, trying to fight with him to get my things back. He also took my passport and hit me in the face with it and grabbed my cell phone away from me and in the process hit me in the face and cut my lip open. I have to admit, I did hit him too because I was trying to get my things back and I know there is no excuse for it but he is so much bigger than I am, I was just trying to protect myself and our unborn baby. He eventually calmed down and of course is now acting all remorseful... but I just don't know what to do. If my friend was going through this, I would tell her to get out at any cost, but for some reason I am still here. I just feel stupid that I trusted him enough to get pregnant by him and now I am in a worse situation than I was before.

It is like he becomes a different person when he is angry, someone I don't know and I have never seen before. There is no reasoning with him when he is in a rage. Of course he says he will change, but isn't that the typical behavior of an abusive husband? He has not directly hit me with his fist, but I am afraid of him and I am afraid he is going to hurt me and our child if he can't control his anger. He has acted like this once before but he was on klonopin at the time which I thought was causing the anger, and now I don't what is causing it. I just keep thinking it has to be his medicine or something that is making him act this way. My Mom thinks he is possibly bipolar. I know that I should leave, but why can't i just make the decision to go?

ANGELINA243

Trust your gut sweetie! Get out--get out now! If he is as crazy and angry like this now--who knows what else could happen to you the farther you go in your pregnancy. He could have an outburst like this again--and you could possibly lose this baby--not to mention the stress you must be under now isn't helping either you or the baby. My ex bf almost strangled me to death on the floor--he was bipolar and taking meds--but he had secretly started using again too. (I didn't find out til later after he was arrested). My heart goes out to you. Could you stay with family--you mentioned your Mom was concerned. You need to protect yourself and your child. May God provide a way for you to get out of this situation.

Impurrfect

I agree with the above, please put the safety of you and your unborn child first. Just because he hasn't hit you with his fist, doesn't mean he won't. Most abusive men, when they think they've gotten away with it before, will get worse...much worse.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

darkplace

I can totally relate to you my dear. I can imagine you are scared, ashamed, angry, stunned, and feeling guilty. I had 2 bad marriages & I still struggle with those feelings occasionally. But I DO know that I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE in leaving them! Now I am facing a teenage son that has an anger problem, & that's a different story...
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE know that you are doing the right thing in going to a safe place, AWAY from him! DO NOT listen to anyone that says you need to stay & fight for your marriage. You can think about fighting for your marriage later, but leave his presence immediately. And constantly fight those thoughts excusing his behavior! There are many places to go to for help, especially being pregnant. If you don't have family or friends to stay with, look in your phone book for family & woman agencies. I also want you to beware of good-meaning friends & family that may unwittingly talk to your husband & give him information he should not have, such as where you are staying. I went through so much betrayal in both my divorces. Surround yourself with people that will care ABOUT YOU & your baby FIRST! And keep us up to date. GOD BLESS U!

mooselips

He may sound remorseful, but I guarantee that it will happen again.

Dr. Phil, (who I'm not too fond of anymore) says past behavior is an indicator of future behavior.

Be safe.
Protect that unborn baby.

AND remember, I don't care if you hit him over the head with a 2 by 4 trying to protect yourself, he NEVER should have touched you, ever.

marle

I agree with the others. His anger issues may have nothing to do with his addiction. It may be part of who he is. Protect yourself. Abusers are all about control. Verbal abuse inevitably leads to physical abuse. And by the time he hits you, you will have lost so much self-esteem that you will be more willing to accept it. Hugs, Marle

bluerskies

All the if my friend statements I have ever made were the decisions I should have made to protect myself. Please do whatever it takes to make yourself safe and give you child a healthy environment to grow up in.