JustSickOfIt

Hi. I have been so grateful to have this forum to come to. I posted once about my A brother and I really appreciated all of the responses. I haven’t made it to Al Anon yet, but I told my husband that I plan to go to a meeting tomorrow night. Now, I hope I stick to it as I am sure I will find lots of support there and maybe be able to give some back. I feel bad that I read these forums and don’t reply. Just kind of don’t feel I am at a level yet where I have enough “knowledge” to help someone else.

Anyway, I am posting today to look for advice. I don’t know if I should ignore my brother’s text messages or see about setting up a meeting with him, my parents and preferably a moderator (anyone know if AA can provide such a person?). I’ve had virtually no contact with my brother since mid August. I know it is killing my parents, particularly my mom that there is a rift between us, but that is just how it has to be for now. I need to take care of me, my husband and my children and quit being drawn into his drama. Unfortunately, I fear that this will also create a rift with my parents and me and I really don’t want that.

So, early this morning I received several text messages out of the blue from my brother. Nothing particularly horrible, but not nice either. At least it was coherent and there was no cursing, so I think he was sober. I hear from my mom that he has been going to a lot of AA meetings and even went to church the last two weekends with a friend/employer. I hope that he is getting his life together, but I still don’t want to be a part of it right now.

I will not be replying to his text message. That isn’t even an issue. We can talk face to face or not at all. But I do kind of feel like letting all of us get together, especially since we haven’t talked as a family about his addiction in about a year and a half, could be therapeutic, at least for me. But, does it really solve anything? Will my brother be able to see things from other people’s perspectives or will he continue on the path he is on which is that everyone has wronged him? Is it a waste of time? Will a meeting make things worse? And if there is a meeting, am I unreasonable to want a third party present? I really would like someone who can “moderate” and let everyone’s voice be heard.

Will there ever come a day when my A brother can see how he has affected the family? I know, I have made bad choices that have only enabled him to affect me, my children, my husband, my happiness. I’m working on not making those kinds of choices again. But it just seems like it is going to tear my parents and I apart.

Thank you so much
~JSOI