Dealbreaker---my codie bottom
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
Dealbreaker---my codie bottom
I thought I was so mad I could spit the other day!!
Now I'm mad enough for both me and my unborn daughter.....
Let me give you a snippet of my weekend....
ABF's child came for his visitation. On Saturday ABF got up at 8 am, but then passed out in child's room because his back hurt (and he was no doubt slightly hung over). Slept until 11, took ABF child to pool as the poor child need some attention and stimulation. What sickens me about all this the most is that boy child just wants attention. Asked if we could call daddy from the pool. Granted request. Daddy didn't answer.
Sunday, boy child woke up at 8 am saying he "saw something move in his room". I went to investigate. We played WAR and Cootie to get his mind off it, and waited for Daddy to wake up. Daddy didn't wake up for 3 1/2 hours. When Daddy did wake up, we all had breakfast together as a family. Mommy called and said she wanted boy child back early. Some things happen in life while just quietly standing by.
So, big music festival here in Mobile. Not free at all, and since ABF is unemployed, no money to drink really. He got tickets from a friend that was working today and couldn't use them. So we trekked downtown for a free day of music. Packed in the cooler was a bottle of Southern comfort. Packed at his hip was a flask full of it.
ABF proceeds to drink a beer on the way (normal behavior) and one in the parking lot, because beer is 5 bucks a piece on the inside (hence needing the flask of whiskey). It's hot, but we listen to some pretty good music from a local band, Ugli Stick. (All the songs, by the way are about letting go and going home.....God can be ironic, I guess.)
We meet up with ABF's ex brother in law (long story!!! ) ABF and BIL go out to car to share bottle of So Co. Whiskey and ABF do not mix well. He becomes a totally different person. We go back into festival. ABF complains that his back hurts. We leave festival. ABF wants to drive. On the way out, he's checking doors to cars, thinking I won't notice---thinking that someone might be stupid enough to leave one open with something to steal in it. Super human complex prevails. He tells me to get in the car. I insist on driving. I get told forcefully to get in the car. And I pray so hard that we'll be okay....the whole way he's swerving home, making phone calls about weed, lighting cigarettes. A few verbal "You think i'm an A-hole now...you've never seen me be an a-hole...." here and there. Tries to pick a fight with a black kid at the convenience store. I insist on driving.
We finish the drive home, and being that I'm pregnant, and being that I didn't spend any money at the festival....I'm hungry. So I make myself tuna fish and chicken soup. I'm sitting at the dining room table, and a few verbal lashes and then he puts his knife in his pocket, along with $11 of the $20 I gave him, grabs the 3 tall boys that he left in the fridge and says something about rescuing someone at 8 p.m.
I am so daunted by this...All week I am trying to figure out whether I want to leave or not......HERE'S YOUR SIGN!!!!
So I'm going through stuff, talking to a kindred spirit who has left many a young man in a similar fashion for similar reasons.
At 11 p.m. he surprises me and calls me to tell me he can't find his car. That he lost his BIL. Says nothing about being right home. Doesn't come home. It's 5:30 AM and he's still not home. I call my father, tell him I'm leaving in less than 12 hours. My father asks if he can meet me part way. I say no, that's alright. I'm angry enough right now, I think I can make the 1700 mile drive alone.
He could be hurt, in jail, in an accident, in a bad spot with any of Mobile's finest crop of people.....
AND I DON'T CARE! And at the moment it is incredibly freeing, especially when I think of all the nights just like this one where I waited up, wondering, crying and calling.
The gloves are off......
I have a little baby girl to plan and look forward to!
Thank you all for all of your help over the past week and a half or so. Your wisdom and advice have made all the difference.
You will most likely not hear from me for while. Know that I have enough P*&% and vinegar and baby girl and I are A-OK.
Love and light to you today.......
K
Now I'm mad enough for both me and my unborn daughter.....
Let me give you a snippet of my weekend....
ABF's child came for his visitation. On Saturday ABF got up at 8 am, but then passed out in child's room because his back hurt (and he was no doubt slightly hung over). Slept until 11, took ABF child to pool as the poor child need some attention and stimulation. What sickens me about all this the most is that boy child just wants attention. Asked if we could call daddy from the pool. Granted request. Daddy didn't answer.
Sunday, boy child woke up at 8 am saying he "saw something move in his room". I went to investigate. We played WAR and Cootie to get his mind off it, and waited for Daddy to wake up. Daddy didn't wake up for 3 1/2 hours. When Daddy did wake up, we all had breakfast together as a family. Mommy called and said she wanted boy child back early. Some things happen in life while just quietly standing by.
So, big music festival here in Mobile. Not free at all, and since ABF is unemployed, no money to drink really. He got tickets from a friend that was working today and couldn't use them. So we trekked downtown for a free day of music. Packed in the cooler was a bottle of Southern comfort. Packed at his hip was a flask full of it.
ABF proceeds to drink a beer on the way (normal behavior) and one in the parking lot, because beer is 5 bucks a piece on the inside (hence needing the flask of whiskey). It's hot, but we listen to some pretty good music from a local band, Ugli Stick. (All the songs, by the way are about letting go and going home.....God can be ironic, I guess.)
We meet up with ABF's ex brother in law (long story!!! ) ABF and BIL go out to car to share bottle of So Co. Whiskey and ABF do not mix well. He becomes a totally different person. We go back into festival. ABF complains that his back hurts. We leave festival. ABF wants to drive. On the way out, he's checking doors to cars, thinking I won't notice---thinking that someone might be stupid enough to leave one open with something to steal in it. Super human complex prevails. He tells me to get in the car. I insist on driving. I get told forcefully to get in the car. And I pray so hard that we'll be okay....the whole way he's swerving home, making phone calls about weed, lighting cigarettes. A few verbal "You think i'm an A-hole now...you've never seen me be an a-hole...." here and there. Tries to pick a fight with a black kid at the convenience store. I insist on driving.
We finish the drive home, and being that I'm pregnant, and being that I didn't spend any money at the festival....I'm hungry. So I make myself tuna fish and chicken soup. I'm sitting at the dining room table, and a few verbal lashes and then he puts his knife in his pocket, along with $11 of the $20 I gave him, grabs the 3 tall boys that he left in the fridge and says something about rescuing someone at 8 p.m.
I am so daunted by this...All week I am trying to figure out whether I want to leave or not......HERE'S YOUR SIGN!!!!
So I'm going through stuff, talking to a kindred spirit who has left many a young man in a similar fashion for similar reasons. At 11 p.m. he surprises me and calls me to tell me he can't find his car. That he lost his BIL. Says nothing about being right home. Doesn't come home. It's 5:30 AM and he's still not home. I call my father, tell him I'm leaving in less than 12 hours. My father asks if he can meet me part way. I say no, that's alright. I'm angry enough right now, I think I can make the 1700 mile drive alone.
He could be hurt, in jail, in an accident, in a bad spot with any of Mobile's finest crop of people.....
AND I DON'T CARE! And at the moment it is incredibly freeing, especially when I think of all the nights just like this one where I waited up, wondering, crying and calling.
The gloves are off......
I have a little baby girl to plan and look forward to!
Thank you all for all of your help over the past week and a half or so. Your wisdom and advice have made all the difference.
You will most likely not hear from me for while. Know that I have enough P*&% and vinegar and baby girl and I are A-OK.
Love and light to you today.......
K
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Bon Voyage
Safe travels to you and your daughter-to-be! It might be the life-changing, fantastic journey of your life, you are beginning!
Keep a diary, to share with your daughter someday, of her journey into the world, and how you made changes for her, to change how her life turned out.
CLMI
Keep a diary, to share with your daughter someday, of her journey into the world, and how you made changes for her, to change how her life turned out.
CLMI
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
(((((Orviske))))) take care of yourself and your baby, you are doing the right thing and you know it inside.
From my experiences with it, anger is a toxic emotion, and I believe best processed out in music/exercise etc, kept inside you it rots and festers, and is definately not a good emotion for a baby to be feeling. I hope you find lots of opportunities to fill your days with love and joy before that little one comes into the world, as it is all she should know.
I look forward to hearing from you soon, good luck with the birth and beginning a new and beautiful life for you both.
Much love and blessings
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
From my experiences with it, anger is a toxic emotion, and I believe best processed out in music/exercise etc, kept inside you it rots and festers, and is definately not a good emotion for a baby to be feeling. I hope you find lots of opportunities to fill your days with love and joy before that little one comes into the world, as it is all she should know.
I look forward to hearing from you soon, good luck with the birth and beginning a new and beautiful life for you both.
Much love and blessings
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The beautiful Midwest
Posts: 202
Orviske......good luck to you my friend. I wish you and your baby girl many happy years together. I like the idea of keeping a diary for your new baby to read someday. What a great idea Try and keep your chin up and remember you are doing the right thing for YOU AND for your child. You can bet that is you chose to stay, YOUR child would be treated the same as the XABF's boy child is treated now. (BTW, what a shame....I feel for that boy!)
Keep you chin and head up high and please keep in touch with us when you feel up to it. Good lock to you and travel safely.
Try and keep your chin up and remember you are doing the right thing for YOU AND for your child. You can bet that is you chose to stay, YOUR child would be treated the same as the XABF's boy child is treated now. (BTW, what a shame....I feel for that boy!)Keep you chin and head up high and please keep in touch with us when you feel up to it. Good lock to you and travel safely.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
Be safe sweetie.. I'm so glad you got the signs you needed. I just know you'll be so much happier and relaxed at home with your father. I'm sure you've left already but don't feel bad making pit stops or calling him to meet you. I pray for the safe arrival of your daughter and all the joy and smiles she'll bring to your life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
K,
Sending you a big hug, peace of mind, a guardian angel on your journey, and all the strength you need to "break your habit" so you & that little princess can be together in peace.
There are SO many incredible things waiting for you two.
Love,
GL
Sending you a big hug, peace of mind, a guardian angel on your journey, and all the strength you need to "break your habit" so you & that little princess can be together in peace.
There are SO many incredible things waiting for you two.
Love,
GL
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 65
SAFE JOURNEY. It's just the beginning of the rest of your life and the start of a new one. know you wil do great. Be careful out there and don't be afraid to accept help - if family and friends offer it, please don't feel you have to do everything yourself. Now is the time to accept help/support. Go girl!
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