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Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1
Help
Hi,
I'm a gay male who has been with my partner for over 15 years. He was an alcoholic before we met, but had stopped drinking prior to us meeting. About 7 years ago he started drinking again. I've lost all be friends and have completely lost myself in my relationship. Thats my fault. I've finally come to that realization. It's been a long, long road. Everything that I've read has told me to take care of myself and not focus on his drinking. But, I have a problem. I have always gone out on the weekends to lunch or dinner with him because I like being with him, but then it always ends up with me having to drag him out of the restaurant or bar. I told him a few days ago that I really didn't want to go out with him anymore if he was going to drink when we went out. Well...he hasn't spoken with me for three days. I don't know what to do. Do I just go out with him or stand my ground. Everything I've read says to do my own thing and not to argue about drinking, but nothing says anything about what to do if an alcoholic is contantly on you to go out with him. Please help!
Thanks, Mike
I'm a gay male who has been with my partner for over 15 years. He was an alcoholic before we met, but had stopped drinking prior to us meeting. About 7 years ago he started drinking again. I've lost all be friends and have completely lost myself in my relationship. Thats my fault. I've finally come to that realization. It's been a long, long road. Everything that I've read has told me to take care of myself and not focus on his drinking. But, I have a problem. I have always gone out on the weekends to lunch or dinner with him because I like being with him, but then it always ends up with me having to drag him out of the restaurant or bar. I told him a few days ago that I really didn't want to go out with him anymore if he was going to drink when we went out. Well...he hasn't spoken with me for three days. I don't know what to do. Do I just go out with him or stand my ground. Everything I've read says to do my own thing and not to argue about drinking, but nothing says anything about what to do if an alcoholic is contantly on you to go out with him. Please help!
Thanks, Mike
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 126
Hi Mike, welcome.
In my oppinion you have stated your boundaries in that you can't see him if he drinks and he has answered you by not talking to you. If he continues to ask you out I would just continue to state that you enjoy his company but only if he is not drinking, if he can't accept that, then from my experience, I would move on. It's not easy to let our A's go but for our own health and sanity sometimes we have too.
The choice is yours of course, this is only my humble oppinion.
Barb
In my oppinion you have stated your boundaries in that you can't see him if he drinks and he has answered you by not talking to you. If he continues to ask you out I would just continue to state that you enjoy his company but only if he is not drinking, if he can't accept that, then from my experience, I would move on. It's not easy to let our A's go but for our own health and sanity sometimes we have too.
The choice is yours of course, this is only my humble oppinion.
Barb
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Hi Mike, welcome to Sr
The only thing I can suggest is try some alanon meetings, and stick around here, read the stickies at the top of the page, read other peoples stories, I've found it helpful.
For me, I left my relationship, Life is too short, and I don't have the tools to deal with "sick" people any more (except me, but I'm special, not only that I follow me around so much I think I'm stalking me) but there are people who have left, people who have stayed, people who's partner got sober, stick around, do some reading.
The only thing I can suggest is try some alanon meetings, and stick around here, read the stickies at the top of the page, read other peoples stories, I've found it helpful.
For me, I left my relationship, Life is too short, and I don't have the tools to deal with "sick" people any more (except me, but I'm special, not only that I follow me around so much I think I'm stalking me) but there are people who have left, people who have stayed, people who's partner got sober, stick around, do some reading.
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